Finding a fetish

[sirensiren]

Hi everyone!
I have a question about fetishes, I would love to hear your opinions
I believe that everyone has some kind of fetish that lies perhaps dormat, others are more aware of what they like. Anyway I suspect that a man who I'm interested in has a fetish, he often says things like "shame, it's a shame! they should be ashamed of themseves, there's no shame in that?" and he is very shy with women and he's very passionate. I think that his fetish might have something to do with humiliation.
can someone tell me more about fetishes that include shame or disgrace of some sort?...and any ideas on how to find out more about his secret fetish?

thanks all

 

[Recidiva]

I think a lot of people are a lot more masochistic or sadistic or dominant or submissive than they will ever admit.

Some people won't at all enjoy discussing it or having it pointed out to them.

Some will.

For some people, the rush they get from "something forbidden" is part and parcel of the whole experience and will resist demystifying or disillusioning on a certain subject.

The only way to really know if they're your partner, have trust in you and your discretion, is to take a step in that direction and see if they take your lead. Talking about it might completely get a stonewall. Then instead of you being the one trying to reveal a truth, you're the one "putting something ugly there"

The smallest, most inoffensive of baby steps in a certain way you think would give your partner a chance to explore an issue, is I think the best chance of acceptance.

 

[sirensiren]

yes

I think you're right, since I know he wouldn't be comfortable talking about it.
But due to the fact that he seems to have a very "right or wrong" attitude about life in general, and often uses words such as shameful and disgust, I can't help to think that it migt be a key to his secrets and fetishes

 

[Recidiva]

It likely is, and you just have to avoid getting too close to them Entertain them rather than revealing them.

 

[sirensiren]

Like teasing and joking? seemingly not realizing I'm hitting a nerve?
Like "you should be a shamed of yourself" and then wink?
He has money and I know he feels guilty about it. So maybe he wants to be punished...this is tricky tricky

 

[Recidiva]

Well, you can try a reversal, make it "your" issue.

But really only do this if you're willing to own it yourself and not implicate him, even later. If he joins in, great. If he doesn't, just accept it.

But no saying "HA! I KNEW IT!"

Makes for less trust

 

[carverII]

You are very right when you say that this is tricky. You are treading into waters that run very deep and you really have no idea what lies at the bottom. This is why I am always harping on communication. Real communication where there are no fears of reprisal or rejection. If you think that this might be the basis of his fetish try very open and light hints towards your feelings about it.

One of the things that can drive people apart is simply diving into a issue. Just relaz with him and let him know that you care for him and his feelings. Let him know that he can trust you in ALL things. Let him broach the subject into an open conversation. That way he does not loose control of a very intimate subject to him.

 

[sirensiren]

oh of course, I will have to be delicate, and let him know I will except him no matter what. It's a good idea you have, starting with myself, so that he feels as though he doesn't have to be ashamed about his fantasies. Since mine are worse? lol

 

[Recidiva]

Well, this is where your creativity and tastes will have to come in. If yours are worse, just try to gauge a compromise...somewhere easy to start and easy to stop and nothing too deep.

The main problem with stuff like this is to assume you know where it comes from or where it's going.

Especially a subject like this you can tap into something serious, so be prepared if you open a blind can 'o worms that there might be some serious stuff leapin' out of the can

 

[FurryFury]

Where did I put that damn fetish this time???

*c*

(Sorry I couldn't resist.)

Fury

 

[Blushing Bottom]

No mystery or disillusionment here Diva. Much of what we do is forbidden, illegal, immoral, fattening..oh wait no not fattening. Actually it can have the opposite effect.

But when it's good nothing else on earth feels quite like it.

Fetish...nope not me.

For some people, the rush they get from "something forbidden" is part and parcel of the whole experience and will resist demystifying or disillusioning on a certain subject.

 

[Recidiva]

No mystery or disillusionment here Diva. Much of what we do is forbidden, illegal, immoral, fattening..oh wait no not fattening. Actually it can have the opposite effect.

But when it's good nothing else on earth feels quite like it.

Fetish...nope not me.

You're an obnoxiously healthy lady, I've always known this.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

You have no idea...

You're an obnoxiously healthy lady, I've always known this.

 

[Stegral]

I will put in my bit here...
I am very secretive about most of my desires...
Does he know you are on Lit? if so why not start a closed roleplay thread.
if not, find a thread/post that you think is his "fetish" & start giggling...
I came across this site in the history folder once & have been hooked ever since... but this also depends on how possesive he is of you & would him knowing you are on her destroy what you already have...or could you lose him once he comes into Lit?
Only you know your man & maybe taking a bit for this person & mixing it with a bit from that person & so on, you may just be able to come up with a way to find out.

While surfing this site I have come to realize alot of things I have "kept hidden" out of fear of condemnation... Lit has become a very wonderful place where I can express myself openly, without judgement & also continue learning.
On the outside anyone that knows me places me in the "dominant" catagory, where I am actually a "switch" that is more comfy in "submissive" mode.
Before I came into Lit I never knew there was such a thing as a switch, but since I have, I continue to explore & ask questions.

Let us now if you ever find out & how you did it !!!!

 

[Blushing Bottom]

You have just entered the Twilight Zone.

The year 2100....

Who would have thought...Vanilla Sex...the new kink.



John Doe strode into the bedroom , wearing His leather
Postal Worker's uniform. He sneered at the bound and
gagged figure on the bed, as He reached into His latex
mail bag. Jane Doe, a 29 year old schoolgirl, looked
up at her Master, her eyes a mixture of fear and
desire. She gasped as He brought a knife with a 9 inch
blade out of the bag.

"I saw something on the Internet which I want us to
try," He said sternly,

"Are you willing?"

Jane nodded eagerly and mumbled, "yeff Mather".

John smiled as He bent close and cut her free of her
bonds.

"Strip", He ordered as He began to remove His own
clothes..

Jane quickly complied, wondering what new delights her
beloved Master had in store for her.

"Lay back on the bed", He commanded.

Jane did so. John then laid on top of her.

"Tonight my dear", He whispered while reaching for the
light switch.. "We are going ........... Vanilla!"

"NOOOOOOoooooooooo", cried Jane as the room plunged
into darkness.

The above tale is true. John eventually left Jane to
move in with a vanilla woman. They now have a 24/7
vanilla lifestyle, regularly enjoying home
improvements, Tupperware parties and only having sex 3
times a year.

Jane was more fortunate and now attends Vanillas
Anonymous. With help and guidance she is slowly
recovering. Only last week she was able to stand up
and say, "I have the right to more than one sexual
position!"

Vanilla is dangerous and should not be practiced at
home. If anyone offers you vanilla sex, just say NO!.

This has been a BDSM safety awareness announcement.


I don't know who to give credit to. It came to me from another group. I
thought you would enjoy it. I did.

 

[Recidiva]

Youhave just entered the Twilight Zone.

The year 2100....

Who would have thought...Vanilla Sex...the new kink.

Yaaaaay! Tell me another one!

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Morning Diva....

Yaaaaay! Tell me another one!

 

[raisedSkirt]

Laughing

I just knew that I would learn all sorts of new things here at Lit!

Fleure

 

[FurryFury]

LMAO!

Good one!

Fury

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Welcome...have fun.

We don't bite...hard, well some of us don't that is.

LOL

I just knew that I would learn all sorts of new things here at Lit!

Fleure

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Yes Fury... isn't there something Forrest Gump like in its naughtiness?

Too cute.

LMAO!

Good one!

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

Yes Fury... isn't there something Forrest Gump like in its naughtiness?

Too cute.

*nods*



Fury

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Omg

You have just entered the Twilight Zone.

The year 2100....

Who would have thought...Vanilla Sex...the new kink.


Vanilla is dangerous and should not be practiced at
home. If anyone offers you vanilla sex, just say NO!

Vanilla sex has been known to Rot minds!!!!!!!!!!! Not to mention it destroys the imagination.

 

[sirensiren]

Hi
guess what, I'm more of a sleuth than ever...too much Magnum PI watching in my youth?
anyway, I've noticed that he talks a lot about pee, yep , how he peed somewhere, how inspiration is like peeing, making strange references...hmmm

 

[Ozfamilyman]

Hi
guess what, I'm more of a sleuth than ever...too much Magnum PI watching in my youth?
anyway, I've noticed that he talks a lot about pee, yep , how he peed somewhere, how inspiration is like peeing, making strange references...hmmm

Hi siren just a few questions to establish some things.

How long have you been dating?

How long have you noticed this behaviour ie is it new or has it always been there from day 1 of the relationship?


The reason I ask is you mentioned he was shy , and he may have reached a stage in the relationship where he feels comfortable projecting some of his desires/wants and hoping you pick up on it.

Are you the dominant partner in the relationship? ( not Domme dominant, but the one who decides where to go , what to do and initiate sex)