Finally got one up!

[Route66Girl]

Now let's see if it gets YOU guys up, hehehe.

For those of you who've followed my posts on the forums for the last few weeks, you know I've been working on my first Lit submission for a while.

Well, this one ain't it! That one is turning into a novella. But I wanted to cut my teeth sooner, so I wrote this little vignette-type story to put up in the meantime.

Any critiques or comments would be appreciated.

Miss Nova

 

[Impetus]

woah...

If I had to use one word to describe that story, it would be: 'woahthatwascool!' If I had four words, I'd just add spaces.

Seriously. *Awesome* story. Wicked-cool. Way impressive. I loved the romance and the tension and the sex and the everything. You want to know if I want chapter 2? Yes I want chapter 2. And I want to see your novela too. I'd offer critical feedback, but I can't think of anything I'd change. A stellar story. Top notch.

-I

 

[single_m98]

Great story! I loved it.

I enjoy stories that are easy to swallow (true stories or fantasy... doesn't matter). Incest, animals, etc really don't do it for me. Your story was believable!

I really enjoyed it. Keep it up!

 

[Route66Girl]

Wow!

Thanks, you guys!

It's been up for just over a day now and I've gotten such good feedback. 124 votes so far out of 2100 reads, and a couple dozen really nice feedback emails. Not one negative thing has been said about Miss Nova. I had steeled myself for some criticism, but none has come my way (yet).

Of course, if anyone has any, I'd still like to hear it Glad that y'all think it's good, but I'd love any suggestions as to how to make it better.

I'll be working on Chapter 2 and will get it up soon.

Impetus- regarding my novella: I'll probably keep writing other stuff as I work on it, but it's become my pet project. I like to hug it and pet it and call it my own (Put the rabbit down, Lenny! Okay, George) Anyways, it'll be a while before I let that one out of its cage. Glad you're interested in it

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Route66Girl,

You're good. Your story was one of the best first subs I've read. Pacing and characterization were strong and the sex scene avoided most of the first-timer mistakes.

You're not there yet, but if you work at improving your skills as a writer, you might become IMHO, very good, maybe even first rate. I'm throwing in a line edit of your first paragraph so you can see what I think are some of your writing's current shortcomings.

"I get SO tired of this city someTIMES. There was a TIME when I thought I'd never get sick of IT. Vegas is SO impressive the first TIME you see IT- all lights and glitter and 24-hour fun. Just like they say in the movies about IT."

"SO" appears twice, "TIME(S), three, well, times, while "IT," another three timer, is the finale for two straight sentence.

For what it's worth, I'd get rid of both. The last sentence really doesn't need, "about it." and the first "it" would be stronger if changed to, "Vegas," especially if you consider using the next suggestion.

IMHO, the story should begin with the second sentence which would make a stronger hook.

That's it folks. Some of the better critique writers around here might find more problems to quibble over or, more likely, dismiss mine. Remember, praise feels good but so does peeing in your pants. Going over the POSSIBLE problems folks like me point out is what improves your writing.

Good luck, and keep improving.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Route66Girl]

Thank you, Rumple!

Remember, praise feels good but so does peeing in your pants.

Bwahahaha! I'll have to remember that one (and how right you are)!

Thanks for the edit of the first paragraph. I didn't even notice the repetitions. That's just the kind of thing I was hoping someone might be able to point out, and I'll be on the lookout for that kind of thing in future. If I decide to post a re-edited version of Miss Nova, your suggestion will be worked in.

As a sidenote: I belonged to other (non-erotic) writer's communities before finding Lit. And I have to say, this place has them all beat. Between the overall set-up, unrestricted forums, abundance of well-informed critiquers and so on, I've learned more here than any of the others combined. I'll be sticking around. Long live Lit!

 

[Route66Girl]

P.S.

I think I lost my "virgin" status on this thread! How appropriate...

By the way... I know I repeated "that kind of thing." Looking at the post, I think the irony might have gotten lost.

 

[MrKinkMaster]

The Mouth Got me

When you wrote about him drinking from his glass I was hooked. I've always found the mouth to be a very sensual and erotic part of the body. I guess it could be a fetish. Your story was very well written. I enjoyed that you wrote it from your point of view. I love taking control and enjoyed the part on the bed as he asked you what you liked very much. Keep them coming!

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

, I've learned more here than any of the others combined

Glad you got some good out of my quickie critique and input from the other posters. Just remember, being critiqued is a goodness, but so is taking the time and trouble to critique the work of other folks. You might want to check out the Story Discussion site and put your story on the list for KillerMuffin to work over. She gives unusually good critique.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Route66Girl]

Glad you got some good out of my quickie critique and input from the other posters. Just remember, being critiqued is a goodness, but so is taking the time and trouble to critique the work of other folks. You might want to check out the Story Discussion site and put your story on the list for KillerMuffin to work over. She gives unusually good critique.

I admit I've been a little reticent when it comes to critiquing. I'm pretty new at criticizing, and suppose I feel unqualified. But I'll have to take the plunge sooner or later! I'll take your advice and check out the Story Discussion forum.

 

[Impetus]

Don'cha worry about it, I'm new to writing, literotica, *and* critiquing. Feedback is one of the best things you can give an author here. Your time and opinion is worth a lot. Even if you don't consider yourself 'experienced' or 'literary' enough to offer particularly insightful or technial feedback, just do what I do. Most of the people that read these stories are not authors, and the opinions of the 'layperson' (for lack of a better word) is just as valid as those of an experienced feedback guru.

*cough*killermuffin*cough*

Scuse me.

-I