Fifty Shades of (Pun on the word "grey")

[Phelia]

I bought it. I was so embarrassed; I brought it to the cashier with the body language of a walk-of-shame'r.

"You have every right to judge me for purchasing this," I said. "I'm every bit as disappointed in myself as you are, but it's a long flight, and I just had to see what the hype was about." He laughed and gave me my water bottle for free.

SUCH a let-down! This was the book that set America's loins on fire? Jesus aitch. I've had unsolicited lurker PMs that were more arousing. Scratch that: I've read MeeMie threads that are more arousing, and that's really saying something.

I haven't even been able to get past the second sex scene. I will eventually, but only because it physically pains me to leave a book unfinished. All I can say is that if over 30% of the descriptors in your nookie narrative are "Holy crap!", you're doing it wrong.

Have you read it? Does it get better? If you haven't read it, feel free to contribute with either a story that is sexier than Fifty Shades of Grey (i.e. any story) or your thoughts on spelling it grey vs. gray. Please note that I am staunchly pro-"grey" and will fight you on it, hard, which will, as a result, be about twenty thousand times sexier than Fifty Shades of Grey.

 

[Bert Notorius]

I'm still conflicted on my feelings toward grey pubic hair.

 

[Phelia]

I'm still conflicted on my feelings toward grey pubic hair.

In all honesty, this post turned me on more than the book Fifty Shades of Grey.

Aside from that, I don't really have strong opinions on pubic hair regardless of colour, but I did just find out what a merkin was about two weeks ago, and that was fun.

 

[KRCummings]

Haven't read it and not ever going to. I've never had any interest in books like that. I don't even read the stories on Lit unless some noob asks and then only to tell them how horrible it was.

 

[LoveNLaughter]

If this is what sets American women's loins on fire, I truly weep for us. I barely made it through the first book. Impression = really bad housewife porn.

I want my $$ back.

 

[Phelia]

Haven't read it and not ever going to. I've never had any interest in books like that. I don't even read the stories on Lit unless some noob asks and then only to tell them how horrible it was.

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. BUT, that does make me curious - what does catch your interest? Do you like to watch porn instead?

I found Lit in the first place because a female friend recommended the stories to me, and I liked them. It depends on my mood, but I typically prefer videos to written stories. I think this is mainly due to the aural component - that's what I find sexiest.

If this is what sets American women's loins on fire, I truly weep for us. I barely made it through the first book. Impression = really bad housewife porn.

I want my $$ back.

So bad! But it's so popular! What happened?? Have most women never heard of the internet?? I get if you're looking for something a little darker than Harlequin romance novels, but this is not the answer.

 

[KRCummings]

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it. BUT, that does make me curious - what does catch your interest? Do you like to watch porn instead?

I found Lit in the first place because a female friend recommended the stories to me, and I liked them. It depends on my mood, but I typically prefer videos to written stories. I think this is mainly due to the aural component - that's what I find sexiest.



So bad! But it's so popular! What happened?? Have most women never heard of the internet?? I get if you're looking for something a little darker than Harlequin romance novels, but this is not the answer.

Pornography for the most part bores me. It can be funny or interesting due to other aspects of it but the sex is just the same old sex people have been having for the last million years yet somehow made even more boring by bad acting and the knowledge that you're essentially just watching a prostitute.

 

[pointless]

both greys are correct and i use them both. i think i use grey more, but whatever. it doesn't fucking matter.

 

[KRCummings]

both greys are correct and i use them both. i think i use grey more, but whatever. it doesn't fucking matter.

I use gray but only because grey always seemed more British to me and I hate the fucking British.

 

[naughtycakes]

So many women I work with have mentioned it to me, and they're all a-twitter. I don't need to read it, it's basically a romance novel with lots of sex and an S&M component. Boring!

I prefer my smut straight. I stopped reading romance novels in my teens.

 

[pink]

I have no plans of ever reading it.

 

[Phelia]

Pornography for the most part bores me. It can be funny or interesting due to other aspects of it but the sex is just the same old sex people have been having for the last million years yet somehow made even more boring by bad acting and the knowledge that you're essentially just watching a prostitute.

Sure, humans have been having sex for hundreds of thousands years, but I certainly haven't been watching it for that long, so I still like to tune in sometimes. I do struggle with the idea that people are paid for sex - I think adults are capable of making their own choices, and while I wouldn't argue that that's a great one, it's also not going to prevent me from enjoying two lovely naked bodies as they writhe and moan and fuck and pant. That being said, my best self-induced orgasms have been to images of my own mind's creation.

both greys are correct and i use them both. i think i use grey more, but whatever. it doesn't fucking matter.

I don't care which is correct; I care which is better and the answer is "grey." So, you pass.

I use gray but only because grey always seemed more British to me and I hate the fucking British.

You do not pass. I hereby sentence you to watching 80,000 hours of porn, the stars of which will all have poorly executed fake British accents.

 

[MonaLittle]

Well, I plan on reading it. I want to see what all the fuss is about.

 

[Phelia]

So many women I work with have mentioned it to me, and they're all a-twitter. I don't need to read it, it's basically a romance novel with lots of sex and an S&M component. Boring!

I prefer my smut straight. I stopped reading romance novels in my teens.

I don't know anyone who's read it, but I wish I had people to complain to who could commiserate. A few years ago, I had some co-workers who were really into romance novels, and when I read the ones they let me borrow, I had a newfound appreciation for my awesome sex life. Those things are boring.

I have no plans of ever reading it.

Don't! I thought it would be, at the very least, decent airplane fodder, but I honestly would have been better entertained (and more turned on) by reading the airplane safety pamphlet. Flotation device, eh? Where do I blow, again?

 

[Phelia]

Well, I plan on reading it. I want to see what all the fuss is about.

That was my thinking. If you want to PM me your address, I'll honestly send you my copy. Save yourself $17.

 

[MonaLittle]

That was my thinking. If you want to PM me your address, I'll honestly send you my copy. Save yourself $17.

I plan on DL'g it on my Kindle. I know myself and I'll look guilty reading it in public on the EL back n forth to work.

But Thanks!

 

[IrezumiKiss]

That was my thinking. If you want to PM me your address, I'll honestly send you my copy. Save yourself $17.

S-ss-seventeen bucks???

Oy vey. That's about three bourbon & beer specials at the dive bar I haunt!

 

[MonaLittle]

S-ss-seventeen bucks???

Oy vey. That's about three bourbon & beer specials at the dive bar I haunt!

Those 3 bourbon's and beer just might bring you more pleasure.

 

[clutch1]

When I first saw the title, I thought it was about Betty White's vagina.

 

[THROBBS]

I use "grey" for cool greys
and "gray" for warm grays

Not that anyone would really know that, but that is my pref.

 

[Phelia]

I plan on DL'g it on my Kindle. I know myself and I'll look guilty reading it in public on the EL back n forth to work.

But Thanks!

Clevahh girl! I'd forgotten my kindle and hate reading on my phone (or anything backlit), plus I took a twisted sort of pride in the possibility of making my spanky proclivities known to my mysterious seat-mate. Turned out to be a non-English speaker and I laughed out loud through everything I read, so no dice.

And you are most welcome! The offer always stands if you love it SO much you decide you need a tangible trophy

S-ss-seventeen bucks???

Oy vey. That's about three bourbon & beer specials at the dive bar I haunt!

Ha! Well lucky for you it only takes two bourbon & beer specials to get me to show all my fifty shades of grey (and one gets you thirty-seven). Bargain!!

 

[KRCummings]

S-ss-seventeen bucks???

Oy vey. That's about three bourbon & beer specials at the dive bar I haunt!

Three bourbons and beer cost that much in a dive?
Drinkers are crazy.

 

[pink]

Three bourbons and beer cost that much in a dive?
Drinkers are crazy.

That is why I don't drink (much) or gamble, I'm too damn cheap.

 

[KRCummings]

That is why I don't drink (much) or gamble, I'm too damn cheap.

At least with gambling you know going in that you're getting fucked. With drinking you don't know until you pay the tab.

 

[Phelia]

When I first saw the title, I thought it was about Betty White's vagina.

Hey hey! You should write for HuffPo.

I use "grey" for cool greys
and "gray" for warm grays

Not that anyone would really know that, but that is my pref.

Language is for clarity, not caprice. "Grey." Everyone who does not think exactly the same way I do (or, at the very least, arrives at the same conclusion as me) is wrong and weird.

Three bourbons and beer cost that much in a dive?
Drinkers are crazy.

Sad part is, that sounds cheap to me. Thankfully, crack is much more affordable. (Non-joke side note: is it? I have literally no concept of how much drugs cost.)