Female orgasim

[Guest]

My girlfriend has never had an orgasim, but everytime I finger her she gets to a point where she has to pee and she feels like she is going to pee on me so she makes me stop. Is this the beginning of her orgasim or not and if so what does she need to do release?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

She probably just has to pee. Sounds like you're working the equipment too hard. Try a little more neck nuzzling and toe sucking before sandpapering the clit with your finger for 30 minutes. The magic button doesn't work just by pressing it. Don't even think of it as a button. Think of more like a magic clarinet...it's all about sighs of fire and gentle fingering.

Either that or your problem is that you don't know how to spell orgasm.

Good luck.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Tis possible it is her orgasm coming... it just feels so strange to her that she describes it as close as she feels. Either you or she will get the hang of it somehow... just try things a bit differently.

da Chef

 

[Felix]

George, there seem to be two separate issues here -- so distinct, in fact, that I'm going to post two different replies.

The primary concern is your girlfriend's difficulty reaching climax. The women on the board can undoubtedly be of more assistance than I on this score, but she's in luck because there are a lot of ways to tackle this.

The first thing I would consider is your girlfriend's attitude towards herself and sex. Does she have a positive body image? Has she experienced any serious abuse or trauma? Is she comfortable with being a sexual person? Are drugs/alcohol a factor? Are there additional stress factors in her life? Is she secure in herself in non-sexual arenas? Is your relationship well-founded? Has her previous inability to orgasm become a psychological barrier unto itself? Is she happy?

I don't know if any of these concerns pertain to her, but before you worry about anything else, I suggest you find out. My advice, though, is to proceed GENTLY. You may be able to discuss some of this with her, but if there is a problem here, she may have difficulty engaging the issue directly -- this is scary stuff. Start by watching, listening, and learning. In the mean time, there is never any harm in being proactively supportive. Give her a compliment. Take her out someplace fun. Tell her how attractive you find her. Surprise her with something nice. Repeat until you grow wings and fly away.

The second thing I would consider is her connection to her sexual self. I almost said "sexuality," but that's a loaded term. The simplest way to approach this is for her to find a way to please herself. This goes beyond the simple mechanics of masturbation; rather, she needs to find a way to create a situation in which she can be receptive to feeling good. This is really something she needs to do without you, but since she's not around I will try to explain it through you. To start, I have few suggestions for how to set the stage.

First, I would suggest that she set aside a block of time -- an afternoon, an evening, whatever works for her -- with no one else around and nothing else to do that day. Second, find a way to relax. Going to the gym, taking a long bath, resting with soothing music -- the point is for her to be able to clear her mind, release her tension, and be open to new experiences. Third, set the mood. There are lots of ways about this, but a few of the popular ones are lighting the room with candles, having a fresh flowers or incense, and perhaps a small decadence such as a rich chocolate. Don't overlook the basics -- make sure the room is plenty warm and secure from interruptions (so unplug that phone). Fourth, get comfortable. This usually means lying on a bed, but whatever works for her. Some women will be happy starting naked, but many will be more relaxed starting out in a robe; fancy lingerie is an option, but not needed unless it excites her. The point is to set up where she can be comfortable for an extended period and to give her ready access to her body. In a more practical vein, she may want to lay down on a towel and keep another handy; she shouldn't be worried making a mess.

This may sound like a lot of prep work, but the point of it all is to help her relax and enjoy the experience. In fact, she may want to close her eyes and rest a bit before proceeding -- this isn't a race, and there is no point in going forward until she is comfortable with where she is.

What happens after that is up to her -- she needs to explore her own body, and find what feels good. I would strongly encourage her to start by stroking herself over her whole body without worrying too much about the "sex" parts. Feel good! Feel good about feeling good -- and the rest will follow in its own time. While doing so, find a fantasy that stimulates. It can be as romantic or as nasty as she pleases, but it should be something that excites her. There is no one else to judge, and and no one else to know. If she can touch herself in a way that she enjoys, and then simply enjoy that feeling -- no guilt, no shame, no audience but herself -- she is well on her way. As the pleasure builds and the fantasy progresses, she can move on to more direct forms of stimulation. She will find out for herself what feels best, but I hope that others on the board share their experiences as to what has worked for them. I would guess that it is better to start with using her hands, saving the toys for when she knows what works (and feels comfortable with what she's doing). Similarly, I suspect that focusing on clitoral stimulation over penetration is a better initial plan. Regardless, I would suggest having some sort of lubrication (e.g. Astroglide) to allow smooth and extended play. I also remind her that it she may begin to make bit of a mess, but that's expected, and why the towel is there. The point is to follow the flow of what feels good, and not worry about anything else.

Hopefully, this will eventually lead to some novel and pleasant feelings. It may or may not lead to orgasm, but that's OK. Every time she experiences pleasure is a success. The more often she does it, the better she will feel, and the more she will understand both how to feel good, and that it is OK to feel good. In time, she is likely to find her way to climax. At that point, she will have the foundation for her sexual self. Then, and only then, does it make sense to start exploring what the two of you can share.

I hope that helps.

Felix

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I still think it's the spelling.

 

[Felix]

In a somewhat simpler vein...

I can only provide a male perspective, but I do think that there is some hope for the mechanical difficulties you have described.

First off, make sure your girlfriend goes to the bathroom before you start. Once her bladder is empty, you don't have to worry about involuntary urination.

Second, put down a towel (or two), so that no matter what happens, it will not be a problem. She can the relax and let come what may (pun mostly not intended). You can also do this in the tub if she is really paranoid, but that is usually less comfortable, and really isn't necessary.

Third, while I don't know if every orgasm can trigger this feeling, I know for a fact that certain activities definitely do. Whether it's the G-spot or just a different response, I can trigger this on demand from my girlfriend; it can arise from intercourse, but she usually gets it when I am "digitally" penetrating her, especially if I pressing on the "upper wall" of the vagina. When we first encountered this, she too was concerned about peeing, but eventually she simply learned to relax and let it fly.

At that point she, releases a (relatively) large amount of clear, watery fluid, neither urine nor traditional mucousoidal "juice"; I suspect that it is the same lymphatic-type fluid seen in female ejaculation as discussed elsewhere on the board, though I have not seen it projected with any great velocity. She seems to enjoy this sensation, but if it's an orgasm, it is a different type of one.

My suggestion would be to focus more on external stimulation. DCL is quite correct that there is no need to go stampeding for the clitoris, and I am a strong advocate of foreplay and pacing, but men sometime get too hung up on penetration as a sexual paradigm. Women get most of their sensation from that little button right in front of you. Treat it gently, but that's where the action is, and the feelings may be more accessible for an inexperienced woman. Don't forget the lube though!

If she does encounter "that" feeling again, though, it's not a big deal. Relax and enjoy.

Felix

 

[Felix]

As I mentioned earlier, this general topic has come up before. It has been discussed most recently under the "Wife flooding during orgasm" topic started by breastman. You might look there for some different perspectives

 

[Guest]

The problem is that she has never had an orgasm before so she doesn't know what it feels like inside. I don't know if this gives any more help but the stimulation being given is on the inside of the roof of the vagina. I don't know if that makes a difference or not. we are both inexperienced in this arena. i'm just looking for educational info. to help both of us.
thanks.

Originally posted by felix:
As I mentioned earlier, this general topic has come up before. It has been discussed most recently under the "Wife flooding during orgasm" topic started by breastman. You might look there for some different perspectives

 

[Felix]

Thanks for the clarification, George, but from what you've said, both of my first two posts seem directly applicable.

In a nutshell, though, it comes down to this:

1. Your girlfriend would probably be better off trying to masturbate to orgasm before doing it with you. She will feel more comfortable, find what works for her, and will discover first-hand how it feels to climax.

2. If you do want to do this together, focus on both overall stimulation (i.e., kissing, stroking, endearments) and gentle clitoral stimulation. There is no immediate need to go "inside" her -- there's plenty of action at the clitoris and the labia (lips).

3. If she does begin to feel as though she's going to pee, take some elementary precautions and then see what happens. If the worst thing that happens is that she DOES pee, you'll survive. If you follow my suggestions, though, I don't think that's too likely.

How else can we help?

[This message has been edited by felix (edited 05-23-2000).]

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

When she does have an orgasm she'll recognize it as an orgasm, and not a need to pee.

Much good stuff covered above. Try it all. Then rent a porno film.

If that doesn't work, try a spell checker.

Good luck.

 

[Guest]

I know others have said this, but I thought that I'd share since I am a woman who had a great deal of trouble learning how to orgasm as well as a Sociology of Sexuality instructor at a 4-year university.
I thought that I would have intercourse with my partner and that magically I'd have an orgasm. Women just don't work this way. Our sexual organ that is the equivalent of your penis is on the outside of our bodies. Penetration feels really good but for most women it alone cannot make us climax. It doesn't matter how long my partner fingers me or has intercourse with me, I cannot orgasm unless I have clitoral stimulation as well.
I absolutely agree that you don't want to focus all of your attention on the clitoris. The entire vulva, inner thighs and butt are extremely erogenous zones for women. But, if your partner is like most women, your finger, tongue, or vibrator needs to be on her clitoris in order for her to orgasm.
Your partner should try laying on her stomach while rubbing her clitoris and vulva against a vibrator or her own hand. She should probably try this alone at first so her mind can be free to think about sexy things or how her body feels. Being in this position will help her orgasm because blood will rush to her clitoris.
Your job for now should be to focus on turning her on - not to make her orgasm. You should tease her instead. You should let her get close to coming and then you should stop and kiss some other part of her body for awhile. Let her know that you're willing to do this all night and that you're not waiting for her to cum. Tell her that you're not going to let her cum and continue arousing her to that point. She may "accidentally" cum without even trying-which would be great. Or...she may go home and masturbate thinking about how hot your made her. Either way you win because she cums. The more she masturbates and feels comfortable letting you bring her to orgasm, the sooner she'll be ready to explore g-spot orgasms as well as orgasms during intercourse.
Erotic videos are a great idea. Give her a couple and let her use them alone and whenever she feels comfortable. Videos with women really having orgasms are much more erotic to women than your standard fake "oh, oh" porno flick orgasm. Pretty soon she'll want to watch them with you, but for now she needs to do some self-exploration, literally.

 

[Guest]

eat the muff buddy!!!Thats the only way my wife cums. I kiss it, lickit, finger it, kiss her little puckered butt hole, thumb her butt hole flick the clit and last but not least hum the whole fucking time!!!!

 

[Azwed]

Originally posted by Dixon Carter Lee:
Think of more like a magic clarinet...it's all about sighs of fire and gentle fingering.

I love this description the best i have ever seen gonna have to use it in some future conversation.

 

[Guest]

Originally posted by george:
My girlfriend has never had an orgasim, but everytime I finger her she gets to a point where she has to pee and she feels like she is going to pee on me so she makes me stop. Is this the beginning of her orgasim or not and if so what does she need to do release?

George, baby... You poor guy. A while back I had a thread in the general area asking other women if they have ever squirted. For the longest time I wasn't able to squirt. I'd get so worked up, etc., and so close to cumming that I felt like I had to pee. So, I always stopped once I got to that point. Close to 2 years ago, now, I was with a man who was playing w/ my clit while eating me out. I knew I was close to cumming, I had that feeling like I had to pee, but everything felt SOOOO wonderful that I couldn't bring myself to tell the man to stop. I had my orgasm, and "shot" some clear liquid out of my pussy. I felt embarrassed right after it happened, but later found out I was a quirter!

 

[Leonard Brown]

Women who masturbate

This is a wonderful thread for me as a male. Maya
said that videos of women orgasming are very arousing to women. I never would have known it. Thanks Maya! So, does anyone have suggestions for videos which show this? Also, has anyone found videos that show the fun side of explicit sex? The ones usually available are too...well, pornographic. Has anyone seen a video supplier that offers sexually explicit films that are fun, sexy, and of good quality, that show people in a loving (or liking each other, or fond of each other, or having fun with each other, or having some kind of good vibes, or being friends or just being real connected) kind of relationship?

Thanks for reading! Thanks in advance for any replies folks might have.

Len

 

[Natalie Nessus]

 

[curvacious]

Dixon---I'm shocked at you. I would have thought I would know this since you've been on the board for a while.
The feeling of having to pee is most likely the begining of orgasm. So then she tenses up and there is no way she'll cum when she's tense.

Dixon, I'm not trying to be mean but are you having a crappy day? I hope not. I hope that things are good for you.

 

[Gilly Bean]

Dixon, I'm not trying to be mean but are you having a crappy day? I hope not. I hope that things are good for you.

Did you look at the date of his post? This thread was started back in May.

 

[curvacious]

Did you look at the date of his post? This thread was started back in May.

Gilly~

Thanks
Most of the time I do check. Guess I just had a brain fart.

 

[SpiritRaven]

You're probably doing it right!

If you're fingering her and she gets to the point where she feels like she has to pee.. and she's been enjoying what your doing, she's probably about to orgasm and squirt all over you! Good Job! Just encourage her and tell her she's not going to pee and that she should enjoy it. BTW the juices of an orgasm are released through the same pasages you pee from for male and female. That's why this is sometimes confused.

 

[Armygirl]

My girlfriend has never had an orgasim, but everytime I finger her she gets to a point where she has to pee and she feels like she is going to pee on me so she makes me stop. Is this the beginning of her orgasim or not and if so what does she need to do release?

i do that some times

the orgasm is so strong that it feels like your going to
piss all over the place