Female Horniness

[dr_mabeuse]

I need some information for a story I'm writing: I need to know what horniness feels like to a woman what it feels like to have a sort of generalized feeling of desire.

This is different from being sexually aroused, as you might feel during foreplay, for instance. .

For men, or for myself, actually, I could see that it's generally a whole-body thing, a restlessness, a strong desire to hold another person and be close to them, with pretty strong genitall localization as well. I'd say it's about 30% genital and 70% whole body. The genital component is pretty much a strong urge to...well...stick your yosh in something, or rub up against something. The whole body part also has a vague but definite violent edge to it. Maybe "forceful" is a better word. But I think it's pretty easy to understand how guys frustrated on a saturday night can turn to fighting. It's kind of an extension of horniness.

Is it anything like that for women?

 

[Svenskaflicka]

It's like an itch. Like an itching trigger point about 4" inside my body, that needs to be pressed in order to stop the itching - ofcourse by the time it gets pressed, it starts to itch even more.

 

[deliciously_naughty]

i don't differentiate between sexual arousal and horniness...I'm generally both at the same time. It's like a throbbing in my clit, making me shift around and press my thighs together. All I can think about it sex, and how much I want it. I'm very aware of my entire body though

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I have to disagree with you, DN. To me, horniness is 100% I-said-fuck-me-NOW-dammit, whereas sexual arousal is more abstract. Like the difference between a clit licking and a sensual slow dance.

But that's me.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

How do you respond to erotica?

I'm interested in this because often I want to describe my heroine's growing arousal. Men are very simple sexually compared to women, whose arousal is much more subtle and idiosyncratic. Men pretty much have that built in indicator.

I also suspect that women have a much broader arousal spectrum than men. Women pick up on all those "romantic" things that a man might not even consider erotic.

Women have told me about getting wet, about feelings of genital congestion or swelling, about feelings of "melting" in the same area, about their breasts feeling heavy or tight or especially sensitive. Nipples may or may not get erect. It really seems to depend on the woman. (My favorite description was from someone who said that when she gets really aroused, she just feels like a giant vagina. Now what does that mean?)

For men--I think--their response to erotica is the same as their reaction to actual sexual stimulation. I'm curious as to whether that's true for women too or whether women's response to erotica vs. actual stimulation is different.

---dr.M.

 

[TheEarl]

I'd like to hijack this thread for a second. One of the most useful things I've read as a writer was an article in FHM about what it feels like for a woman to have sex. Does anyone want to give it a go here? Not as a story, just a descriptive of what does it feel like.

The Earl

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I have to disagree with you, DN. To me, horniness is 100% I-said-fuck-me-NOW-dammit, whereas sexual arousal is more abstract. Like the difference between a clit licking and a sensual slow dance.

But that's me.

Like I said, my description is just me, and I make no claims to be a universal

 

[TaffyJ]

One upon the other...

I never really sat and thought about the difference, but I agree with the other fems here...

When I am horny, I just want to be slammed, and that tends to correspond with the male, violent thing you mentioned. How beautifully intense, and naturally perfect those two instincts fit together. I bit of neck biting and hair pulling would seem appropriate. When that itch is scratched to my satisfaction, I can return to functioning as a normal, rational mommy and housewife.

However, when I am aroused, almost no amount of physical action will bring me down from the high, because it's mental. I've lain in bed at night, thinking of new characters and story plots and gotten so worked up, I couldn't get to sleep for hours, but my vagina was not even wet. HUGE mental turn on, no physical reaction. I hate to get that way, because there is no outlet for it, and I can walk around in a mental daze for a week.

Now, if there was a way to get a female character (or me) both horny AND aroused at the same time, then have the ability to satisfy both at the same time... I think I'd go into a coma and drown in my own drool. Horrible way to die, but the bliss just might be worth it.

 

[TaffyJ]

Sorry, I left out something.....

There was only one man who ever inspired me, in real life, to lapse into that mental arousal I could only previously achieve by thinking up erotica.

I was working as a barrista in a coffee shop and he was a lion of a man in a business suit. Nice watch, nice shoes, very high class, but tastefully understated. He was well groomed, and without his looks, he might have been unremarkable. He was physically gorgeous, in a mature, dignified way. There was a knowing look in his eyes when he looked at me that just melted me and turned my thoughts to gibberish. I remember feeling embarassed because he made me act like a silly schoolgirl, and I was an experienced woman, married five years. My coworkers used to tease me after he left, because I was always in a quiet dither and didn't know what to do with myself when he walked in the door. All he ever did was look at me and say "triple grande cappucino."

So, mental arousal, for me, doesn't even require speech or touch. He'd walk in, and my intellect would walk right out. I felt helpless and out of control, and my body kind of took on a warm, humming feel. It felt like part of me was waiting expectantly for him to do something, though I don't know what. My skin felt faintly itchy, like I wanted him to touch me all over. I felt like he was sucking me into some kind of vortex, just by his nearness. Kind of like two magnets when you hold them close enough together, but don't let them touch. I could feel a "pull," but I resisted because he would have needed to make the first move, or it would have ruined it. I was terribly intimidated by him, but also extremely fascinated.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

More, Taffyj

A couple of questions, Taffyj, if I may?

I think I understand your reaction to the Lion King guy. Men can have a similar reaction to a really attractive woman: kind of a simultaneous attraction and feeling of intimidation. You almost feel deliciously threatened, like a mixture of desire and almost physical danger. And when I say 'attractive', I don't necessarily mean 'beautiful'. It's almost a chemical thing, a shot of pheromones that leaves you weak and dazed. Is that right?

But I'm interested in this 'mental arousal' thing. Does that mean that you're just sexually aware or are they any physiological symptoms at all? This sounds to me like the state men are always in; always aware of sex, always pretty much ready. And is this how you feel when aroused by erotica? Or can erotica actually make you physically aroused?

---dr.M.

 

[TheEarl]

And when I say 'attractive', I don't necessarily mean 'beautiful'. It's almost a chemical thing, a shot of pheromones that leaves you weak and dazed.

I wouldn't say it's chemical. I see Mya on television and, even though I wouldn't say she's the prettiest girl in the world, my initial reaction is just "I want."

The Earl

 

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

What does it feel like to be horny?
For me when I'm horny I get this tingle deep in my stomach, it radiates throughout my whole body from there. My clit throbs and pulsates with every beat of my heart, which beats faster and faster as my clit throbs harder and harder. I feel giddy and playful. My palms sweat and I get wet from the pulsing in my clit. I start to feel uninhibited, ready to do anything, anywhere, just to satisfy the growing lust. My body feels warm all over, inside and out. My head feels light and dizzy from the hormonal high. I feel sexy and desireable. If I'm not able to satisfy my desires I get touchy and mean, hateful and even hornier.
That's just me!
Wicked

 

[TaffyJ]

Wicked & Dr M...

Yeah, WIcked, ain't it odd that being horny makes us generally happy, but going unfulfilled when horny makes us unpleasant and grouchy? Kind of like a catch 22 of natural selection. Maybe nature is thinking "men are horny all the time... if this horny chick still hasn't been laid, there must be something horribly wrong with her, so lets make her grouchy and unappealing so nobody will want to be with her..." DON'T take this the wrong way... I'm not saying there's anything at all wrong with you, or me, for that matter. Just trying to make logical sense of it.

Dr. M,
You're right on target with the threat/desire thing. Yes, it felt exactly as you described. Except, I hate being "weak and dazed," especially at work, in front of other people. Really affects job performance. That's the kind of feeling I would wish to savor while having the luxury of not making a fool of myself at the same time. I would assume men feel the same?

And, no, he wouldn't have needed to be perfectly attractive. There's something in the attitude of a person like that which mostly overrides their physical shortcomings.

Maybe my 'mental arousal' thing is like the men's state of constant sexual awareness, except that it's only occasional. The difference is I have an inhibiting factor: I know that in the real world, the delicious fantasy I've built it up to be would be dashed by human shortcomings. Sure, the Lion King guy looked tasty, like a girl's dream come true, but I bet he would have had one or more glaring faults that spoiled it, had I been foolish enough to pursue it. Example... Wham-bam-thankyou, mam, or excessive arrogance. Why spoil the vision with harsh reality?

Sometimes, if it goes on long enough, there can be physical/physiological symptoms. But mostly, my brain just has fun all by itself. I recently saw a study that said women hooked up to monitoring equip were asked to watch porn. Even the ones who said they weren't aroused by it showed some signs of genital arousal. So, it could be that I am at least partly aroused, but the mental aspect is so overpowering that I don't notice.

Once, in eight years of marriage, my husband and I had sex while I was both mentally aroused and horny. That was the best I've ever had. It seemed even inhaling exhaling felt nearly orgasmic.

Enough info? (TMI)

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Thankyou!

TaffyJ and Wicked and Svenska and all

Thank you very much. You've been extremely helpful.

Just so damned fascinating...


---dr.M.

 

[TheEarl]

ain't it odd that being horny makes us generally happy, but going unfulfilled when horny makes us unpleasant and grouchy? Kind of like a catch 22 of natural selection. Maybe nature is thinking "men are horny all the time... if this horny chick still hasn't been laid, there must be something horribly wrong with her, so lets make her grouchy and unappealing so nobody will want to be with her..."

Taffy J, Men have two types of arousal: The impersonal one where eyes keep drifting to cleavage and have to be dragged back and the serious "I want/I need" one which is more likely to be acted upon.

Although men are constantly thinking of sex, there are two distinct modes to it (or at least I've found) and so they'll not necessarily act on those thoughts.

The Earl

 

[DdysAngelFace]

Maybe I am a strange female, but I can understand the "urgency" that you describe men feeling when horney.

I get this ansty feeling, restless and regardless of what I try to do my mind constantly wanders. Irritability follows if it has been a long time, basic bitchy tendencies. The stronger the urge the more aggressive I want..for example it may start out wanting to just be held then quickly works my thoughts up to "grab me by my hair, pull me close and talk nasty to me baby."

I suppose I am not alone in this, but my body stays in a heightened awareness of sexuality. More than an itch, it becomes a yearning causing your face to flush and a tightness in your stomach. If you masturbate it makes it worse, it doesn't relieve the tension that is building it only adds to the lack of a mans touch.

It is more than a want, it is a need to feel skin against skin. How often does this happen?...well for me ..pretty much daily.

Ddys Angel Face

 

[Whispersecret]

I think horniness and sexual arousal are quite different! To me, horniness is a sharp desire to get laid. It can be long or short in duration. To me it always sort of comes as a surprising realization. Like, “Oh, I’m horny.” I know that sounds weird. I can’t explain it.

Sexual arousal, on the other hand, I’m almost always aware of because it’s triggered by something that’s going on at the moment, be it reading a story or a person’s actions.

When I’m getting aroused, I’ll feel a general warmth, concentrated between my legs. Certain things will trigger a little twitch in my clit, or a pulse of desire/pleasure in my pussy. I can get wet when aroused, but not always. My nipples are similarly fickle.

TaffyJ, your anecdote about the “triple grande cappucino” guy made me smile. I was entranced reading about that. I could totally see him in my mind.

Doc, you said you want to describe the heroine’s growing arousal. Over what period of time are you talking about? That will make a difference.

I think perhaps we're all really just debating semantics.

 

[TaffyJ]

Great book on the topic

I can't remember the author's name (shame on me!), but there's an absolutely fascinating book out called The Alchemy of Love and Lust. I suppose only those interested in biology/physiology stuff would want to give it a read, though. It's all about how our hormones affect our lives and how that changes as we get older. It could be a good resource for writers wanting to understand why men and women act and feel the way we do.

Earl,
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I think all men are horndogs all the time. My personal belief is that nearly all men are horndogs some of the time, and some men are horndogs all of the time. Yet, even that is a generalization (sp?).

 

[TaffyJ]

Stuck on a word

I've noticed I seem to be stuck on the word "fascinate," and its variations lately. Just in this thread I've used it twice. I'll probably get tired of it soon and have a new Word of the Week in a few days.

 

[TheEarl]

Earl,
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I think all men are horndogs all the time. My personal belief is that nearly all men are horndogs some of the time, and some men are horndogs all of the time. Yet, even that is a generalization (sp?).

Don't worry TaffyJ, men are always horny. It's just different kinds. This is why, with a combination of beer goggles and horniness, even Anne Widdecombe must get a fuck sometime.

 

[Guest]

transitive or intransitive?

Semantics are a wonderful thing!

I am horny. Something or someone arouses me.

Horniness for me is a state independent of stimulation... Whether it is from a hormone swing or not having had sexual release for too long, I am edgy and hypersensitive, "on point", if you will. I'm with Svenska on the "NOW!" description. It's intrinsic to me. I feel out of control, under compulsion.

Like WS, arousal for me is the result of a stimulant. The stimulant could be a thought, a story or a person. Arousal can move into the same out of control feelings of horniness, but doesn't have to. Arousal varies from general warmth and receptiveness in me to agressive desperation and need.

The general physical descriptions by my esteemed colleagues fit me pretty well.

 

[The Man etc]

This is why, with a combination of beer goggles and horniness, even Anne Widdecombe must get a fuck sometime.

Gee those beer goggles would need to be mighty powerful Earl.

To use TaffyJ's word of the week, this is a fascinating thread. I've never really thought about the distinction between horny and aroused before. I guess arousal can be physical and/or mental whereas horniness is just a mental state. But the mental always precedes the physical, whether it's conscious or subconscious.

And TaffyJ, I feel you might be stretching the natural selection thing a bit. After all, I sometimes find grouchiness in a woman quite appealing.

 

[gauchecritic]

Off topic

Am I alone in this or is it that no blokes will admit it? On the Earls' point, if a man is drunk enough or horny enough he will shag almost anything. If a man is in the throes of sexual passion he will often at least consider shagging another bloke?

Yes? No? like fuck he will? (not if he's a real man)

Out of interest, a girl I know would really really like to watch 'two blokes shagging in the shower' Do any of you girls/ladies/women like that idea?

Gauche

 

[TaffyJ]

Gauche... yes, but no

Two blokes shagging in the shower is definately something I'd like to see, but only in person, and they'd have to be attractive.
However, they couldn't be anybody I knew. The thought of my hubby doing it with another guy turns my stomach. Yik!
It would have to be two anonymous guys I walked in on or something.

 

[wildsweetone]

Re: Off topic

Out of interest, a girl I know would really really like to watch 'two blokes shagging in the shower' Do any of you girls/ladies/women like that idea?

Gauche

The feedback I've received from my story Watching clearly indicates that watching two men making love is an intriguing fantasy for many.

Interestingly enough, the enjoyment is spread relatively evenly over my feedback between bi, gay, curious and straight males and females.

I have also received feedback from a lady running a website (in which she asked my permission to publish Watching) saying that this kind of fantasy is becoming almost common amongst women.

disclaimer: Watching does not involve a shower.