Feeling Empty

[Cherrysweetdeal]

Is it normal for a submissive to feel empty when she has no person to control or take care of her? Also, would not having any restrictions make a person feel like she is missing part of herself?

I'm trying to figure out if this is just psychological or if I am just doing something stupid emotionally.

 

[Killishandra]

Is it normal for a submissive to feel empty when she has no person to control or take care of her? Also, would not having any restrictions make a person feel like she is missing part of herself?

I'm trying to figure out if this is just psychological or if I am just doing something stupid emotionally.

Welcome to the BDSM board at Literotica. It's not at all unusual for an "unowned" submissive to feel exactly the way you're describing. I went through it myself, before finding my Dominant. I remember how horrible I thought it was at first to have these feelings, how difficult it was to reconcile with myself and be honest with myself about them, and I remember the determination I felt when I decided I needed a Dominant man and set about finding the right one for me.

When I first started chatting online with some supportive Dominants, one of them assigned me the task of writing an essay on what I need from a relationship in order to be happy. It took me all afternoon to think and write on it, and it was VERY helpful. If you're still trying to figure out whether a Dominant partner is something you need, or if it's a "psychological or emotional" mistake for you, perhaps you could try taking the time to write an essay similar to mine. I know it helped me alot.

Sounds to me like you're starting down a road of self-discovery... Talking to other people in this lifestyle makes the journey MUCH more enjoyable and eases the heartache of being without a SO (significant other.) This board is a great place for that. Read, post, and learn... You'll figure out what is and isn't for you.

 

[babiesmiles]

Welcome Cherrysweetdeal

 

[Aeroil]

Not uncommon at all, I feel similar.

 

[s'lara]

Is it normal for a submissive to feel empty when she has no person to control or take care of her? Also, would not having any restrictions make a person feel like she is missing part of herself?

I'm trying to figure out if this is just psychological or if I am just doing something stupid emotionally.

Welcome cherry.

What are you doing that would constitute stupid or a mistake?

Self realized submissives who go uncultivated or "unused" for a period of time really can make you feel like you have a phantom limb. In other words, the removal of control from someone who does infinitely better with restrictions (from moderate to extreme) is, imo, akin to losing a limb, yet you go on feeling the aches and pains associated with that limb. Hurts physically and emotionally.

The loss of external control creates somewhat of a panicked, swinging in the wind sensation. While i don't have much advice in the way of handling these emotions, i can tell you decisions made during high tide of your submissive needs are certainly suspect in terms of common sense. To put it simply, don't go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.

Good luck.

lara

 

[Marquis]

The loss of external control creates somewhat of a panicked, swinging in the wind sensation. While i don't have much advice in the way of handling these emotions, i can tell you decisions made during high tide of your submissive needs are certainly suspect in terms of common sense. To put it simply, don't go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.

I like this.

 

[Killishandra]

I like this.

Curious as to what you're refering to. Lara's words of caution to her? The sensations she's talking about?

Going grocery shopping on an empty stomach?

 

[Marquis]

I can't remember.

 

[Killishandra]

I can't remember.

oh.

*hides the rest of your pakalolo*

 

[Marquis]

*Bangs draweres furiously*

Where's my pakalolo!

 

[Killishandra]

*Bangs draweres furiously*

Where's my pakalolo!

I ate it!

*passes out unconscious on the floor*

 

[Marquis]

You ate my pakololo?

 

[Killishandra]

You ate my pakololo?

*silence from the comatose girl on the floor*

 

[Marquis]

Why are you comatose?

 

[Killishandra]

Why are you comatose?

The couple times I ate pot (once in a brownie, once in a cookie) I got comatose. It was scary!

 

[shy slave]

Welcome cherry.

What are you doing that would constitute stupid or a mistake?

Self realized submissives who go uncultivated or "unused" for a period of time really can make you feel like you have a phantom limb. In other words, the removal of control from someone who does infinitely better with restrictions (from moderate to extreme) is, imo, akin to losing a limb, yet you go on feeling the aches and pains associated with that limb. Hurts physically and emotionally.

The loss of external control creates somewhat of a panicked, swinging in the wind sensation. While i don't have much advice in the way of handling these emotions, i can tell you decisions made during high tide of your submissive needs are certainly suspect in terms of common sense. To put it simply, don't go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.

Good luck.

lara

Hi cherrysweetdeal

Lara talks a great deal of sense.

I don't much advice either on how to handle these emotions, other than talk to friends who know you well (as a submissive). If you get into the realms of decision making or feel drawn to a new person, as a means of filling the empty space, talk again to your friends. They can view things more objectively at that point in time.

During difficult times we all lack commone sense, Lit threads are littered with posts from people (including me) echoing a certain lack of forethought and wondering why things went awry.

I'm trying to figure out if this is just psychological or if I am just doing something stupid emotionally.

It may be a psychological response to how your feeling right now, but I don't think your doing something stupid emotionally. Your questioning yourself, asking about other peoples views and trying to work out how you are as a person in order to support and protect yourself.

Whats stupid about that?

 

[shy slave]

Additional advice....

Eat chocolate

Do something active

Eat more chocolate

 

[catalina_francisco]

Welcome to the forum. You have received a lot of good guidance already. I think from what you say, you are just discovering what you have felt was missing for some time. It brings a sigh of relief when you finally experience it and realise while you may have been happy before, that gnawing hunger that lurked deep was never fed before like it is when you begin your journey. There are often bumps along the way, the same as with any journey, but those bumps help you find the things you need. Go with your gut, listen to your head and heart, and play safe.

Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

I think it's normal for any 18 year old to feel empty if they want to be in a relationship and aren't. Regardless where they fit on the nilla-kink scale.

 

[jasonlf]

Welcome, Cherry

Don't I know you from somewhere

I'm sure, given enough time, the right person will come along to take you under his wing.

 

[Aeroil]

The couple times I ate pot (once in a brownie, once in a cookie) I got comatose. It was scary!

Yeesh Marquis even I knew that

I think it's normal for any 18 year old to feel empty if they want to be in a relationship and aren't. Regardless where they fit on the nilla-kink scale.

*agrees*

 

[Cherrysweetdeal]

Curious as to what you're refering to. Lara's words of caution to her? The sensations she's talking about?

Going grocery shopping on an empty stomach?

Hah I work in a grocery store....never go to work or shopping on an empty stomach

 

[seaMaster]

from a dom point

First welcome to the forum

I feel that the emptiness that you and others feel is understandable you are not alone. Sometimes even a Dom can feel empty when he or she finds themself without a submissive to dominate. you find you are missing something and just dont know whats next. whether a dom or sub it is the same. A lost empty feeling. I was there once. as to what to do carry on as best you can and carefully find the right someone to help you fill that emptiness. Good luck

 

[snowy ciara]

stepping around the comatose girl on the floor and the scary man in the chair. what a lovely couple they make!

Welcome Cherry.

I was in the beginning stages of a possible bdsm relationship when we called it off for mutual reasons. So I am coming from an area of little practical experience. I don't really have the phantom limb sensation that s'lara describes, for me it's more of a shadow life. I'm only half alive, and the missing half leaves a bit of a hole in my "me", if that makes any sense. Or maybe it's like a slow bleeding. I'm probably not making much sense right now, but I do miss it, the leadership, the little things I was able to do. The small acts of service. It sort of hurts, in the way an old injury hurts. The injury is gone, but every now and then, you hit it just right and get a pang.

 

[TaintedB]

?

Self realized submissives who go uncultivated or "unused" for a period of time really can make you feel like you have a phantom limb. In other words, the removal of control from someone who does infinitely better with restrictions (from moderate to extreme) is, imo, akin to losing a limb, yet you go on feeling the aches and pains associated with that limb. Hurts physically and emotionally.

For me, it was the other way around. I was the limb that was lost from its body. The visual image that is always in front of my eyes is of a newly-severed hand, twitching on the ground, blood rapidly pouring out its wrist. It still looks alive, but that's only because it hasn't figured out it's dead yet.