Feel like you are owed an apology...

[estevie]

The flip side to another thread. What do you do if you feel you are owed an apology but never get it? Do you demand one from the person who offended you? Do you just let it slide?


Just recently I felt like I was owed an apology that has never came. I don't expect this person to apologize, in fact I would be flabbergasted should one be offered. I'm one of those that will just let it slide. I'm not one to ask for an apology, its something that should be given, not asked for.

So, what do you do?

 

[markb325]

Depends on the nature of what happened to expect an apology. My nature is that I usually get over what ever aggrivates me or make me angry, but there are a few things that will send me off the deep end. When this happens I won't speak to that person or anything else. I feel that would only make matters worse and that should be avoided.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[SlowHand89]

I may forgive, but I don't forget.

If I feel wronged then our relationship won't suffer, it will get altered. I don't see the point of maintaining status quo with someone who won't apologize.

 

[markb325]

Damn, did I fuck up again?

I am sorry...so very sorry.

Can we kiss and make up now?

To answer your question...some people here will never offer you an apology and when you ask for one, they get all pissy on you and call you an attention whore. Regarding those people...just put them on ignore and let it go.

Anyone else, IF they have an ounce of self-respect or respect for others will voluntarily hand out an apology. Regarding those people...treat them with the same respect.

Well said bratcat.

 

[CarolineOh]

Damn, did I fuck up again?

I am sorry...so very sorry.

Can we kiss and make up now?

YES! You fucked up big time, god damn it.

No, not really, I'm just trolling for the kiss

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[estevie]

Damn, did I fuck up again?

I am sorry...so very sorry.

Can we kiss and make up now?

Heh!

Yes, it was you...I need lots of kisses to make up for it!

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Summery]

I would have to say I would just let it slide. I wouldn't be happy about it though. But, you can't make someone apologize. Besides, I wouldn't want an apology unless it was sincere anyway.

 

[estevie]

*giggles* It's a start!

My question wasn't just for online squabbles, I expect nothing from an online acquaintance. I was just curious what other people did or felt when they thought they were owed an apology.

 

[naudiz]

Apologies are like compliments: if you have to ask for one, doubt its sincerity. If someone has pissed me of so badly that I feel I am owed an apology, rather than ask for one, or demand one, I'm more likely to outline, in intricate detail, exactly why I'm angry, and what that means, i.e. whether I'm so mad that I won't be speaking to them again, or if I just need to be left alone for awhile to cool off.

Sometimes people apologize once they realize I'm pissed off and why. I appreciate it when it's sincere, but really, I'm more interested in them just not doing again whatever it is that upset me. Nothing says, "I'm sorry," like ceasing to be a fuck-up.

Some people intended to piss me off from the get-go, so why would they apologize if it's mission accomplished? If I give the slightest shit about this person's opinion, I might ask why s/he is trying to bait me, out of idle curiosity. If I don't care about what this person has to say, then I might let it go. I also might whip out the verbal guns and put him/her down like Old Yeller. Depends on my current stress vs. boredom ratio.

Here's the hard part, though. I listen to what they're saying. Sometimes the reason I'm getting pissed off is because I'm being told something I don't want to hear, but maybe I need to hear it. Don't just put on the blinders when someone makes you mad. Consider the source, and evaluate the statement. If there is a grain of truth, suck it up. If not, then let it go and move on.

The funny thing about life is that ultimately we're owed nothing, least of all an apology.

 

[estevie]

Apologies are like compliments: if you have to ask for one, doubt its sincerity. If someone has pissed me of so badly that I feel I am owed an apology, rather than ask for one, or demand one, I'm more likely to outline, in intricate detail, exactly why I'm angry, and what that means, i.e. whether I'm so mad that I won't be speaking to them again, or if I just need to be left alone for awhile to cool off.

Sometimes people apologize once they realize I'm pissed off and why. I appreciate it when it's sincere, but really, I'm more interested in them just not doing again whatever it is that upset me. Nothing says, "I'm sorry," like ceasing to be a fuck-up.

Some people intended to piss me off from the get-go, so why would they apologize if it's mission accomplished? If I give the slightest shit about this person's opinion, I might ask why s/he is trying to bait me, out of idle curiosity. If I don't care about what this person has to say, then I might let it go. I also might whip out the verbal guns and put him/her down like Old Yeller. Depends on my current stress vs. boredom ratio.

Here's the hard part, though. I listen to what they're saying. Sometimes the reason I'm getting pissed off is because I'm being told something I don't want to hear, but maybe I need to hear it. Don't just put on the blinders when someone makes you mad. Consider the source, and evaluate the statement. If there is a grain of truth, suck it up. If not, then let it go and move on.

The funny thing about life is that ultimately we're owed nothing, least of all an apology.

That last line says it all! Great post, thanks!!

 

[crysede]

I may forgive, but I don't forget.

If I feel wronged then our relationship won't suffer, it will get altered. I don't see the point of maintaining status quo with someone who won't apologize.

I think saying "I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is just another way of saying, "I cannot forgive." Forgiveness ought to mean the debt is canceled, so that it can never be shown against someone in the future. If you are holding on the wrong that was done and it is influencing your treatment of that person, then I don't think you've forgiven them - you may no longer be mad at them, but you haven't forgiven them. But I suppose this is really just a question of semantics rather than facts, so there isn't any 'right' answer.

Regarding the thread's actual question, I agree with markb and bratcat, it all depends on how serious the grievance is and on what the other person's response would be. If it's not that serious I'd forget about it and the relationship would be unchanged. If it was too serious to let it slide I'd talk to the person about it, if I thought they would listen - but if I thought they'd just get pissy then I'd ignore them from then on (actually, if I thought they were the sort of person who'd just get pissy, I'd probably have ignored them from the start, rather than waiting for them to offend me).

 

[AnnaB]

Mostly it depends on the situation...some things are so bad that there is no way an apology could ever smooth things over.

Other times I have heard "I'm sorry" from the same person so many times I basically take the attitude of telling them to kiss off since I seriously doubt they are any where near sincere about it.

Life is too short to hold a grudge for long...there are others out there that can be true friends so if one is a backstabber or continuously does this over and over I just write them off as a lesson learned and go about my business.

 

[StondTmplPilot]

The flip side to another thread. What do you do if you feel you are owed an apology but never get it? Do you demand one from the person who offended you? Do you just let it slide?


Just recently I felt like I was owed an apology that has never came. I don't expect this person to apologize, in fact I would be flabbergasted should one be offered. I'm one of those that will just let it slide. I'm not one to ask for an apology, its something that should be given, not asked for.

So, what do you do?

If you feel you should be apologized to and know that one is not forthcoming you can a...either let it slide...or b...move on with your life without them as a part of it

 

[estevie]

STP!! Hiya, sweetie!!! Its great to see you back in these parts again!

 

[StondTmplPilot]

STP!! Hiya, sweetie!!! Its great to see you back in these parts again!

Este, hiya, and thank you, it's nice to see you again I've kinda missed the place, and it's nice to see old friends again.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I don't like confrontation in the first place so to keep out of the line of fire, I usually just let it go and move on.

The other thing I've been known to do is appologize first, just to stop an arguement. Regardless of who was at fault.

I know, weak comes to my mind too.....

dixicritter

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[StondTmplPilot]

psst...hiya STP...where have you been?

Well hello there brat how you been? I have basically been working a shitload of overtime, and trying, albeit unsuccesfully to find a lady to share my life with. Also with the return of the nicer weather I have been spending much time outdoors doing yardwork, and enjoying the sun. It's nice to see you again also and I hope to be able to come back more often, though I probably will only be around on weekends, with all the OT I have been putting in, it doesnt leave me alot of online time.

 

[SlowHand89]

I think saying "I can forgive, but I cannot forget," is just another way of saying, "I cannot forgive." Forgiveness ought to mean the debt is canceled, so that it can never be shown against someone in the future. If you are holding on the wrong that was done and it is influencing your treatment of that person, then I don't think you've forgiven them - you may no longer be mad at them, but you haven't forgiven them. But I suppose this is really just a question of semantics rather than facts, so there isn't any 'right' answer.

My first answer was put together a little too quick and I didn't give any support for it, which I should have. To forgive and forget is a phrase that gets misused often. We aren't suppose to forget when we've been wronged. People have to responsibly hold others accountable for their actions. "I can forgive you for what you've done, I can forget the anger or pain you've caused me, but here's the situation."

Personal example: I once had a family member move in with me as a roommate. We had our normal problems but then she stopped paying her share of the bills. I eventually had to kick her out and find a new roommate. She now owes me close to $1000 and has told me she doesn't plan to pay me back. Nothing malicious or anything, she's just irresponsible with money. She's been forgiven and I love her to death. Last summer we even spent our vacation together. If I hadn't told her that I wasn't going to lend her another dime until she paid me back, then she would still be asking for money and I would continually be turning her down. This would have a huge negative effect on us where as we know have an clear understanding.

People have to be held accountable, responsibly. Otherwise you're just disrepecting yourself.

 

[nasty1]

Let it slide. I have more important things to wory about.