I know I've already posted, but I haven't gotten any feedback at all. I really want some opinions, just a couple annonymous e-mails or something......anything!!!!! It's a really short story, doesn't take long to read "Michelle's Bath Time" Please everyone read it and give me some feedback. I'd really appreciate it. Thanks all
feedback????
- Thread starter KinkyKiki
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Some good things
There is a lot to like about your story, especially your ability to set a scene and to take your time in explaining physical sensations. You conjure up nice images (the jet of water against her vagina, the razor traveling own her leg.)
I scarcely noticed your prose. (I mean that as a good thing.) You didn't seem to be striving, just telling a story clearly. That's a big plus in erotica. You don't want to distract the reader with prose which is either clunky or overly "flowery." Except for the phrase "some cream of my mother's" or something like that, I never noticed the writer at all.
There are a few things in your story which are generally considered "cliche," by experienced erotica writers--an amazingly beautiful yet very horny virgin being one of them. Most casual erotica readers won't find this to be terribly cliche, and you are under no obligation to pander to the more experienced erotica writers, but you should be forewarned that such things will likely arise when others from the "Author's Hangout" provide you with feedback. Personally, I don't think characters need to be "textbook" beautiful to be arousing. I sometimes use such characters, but not always. Oftentimes, it is easier for a reader to identify with someone who is a little awkward.
I think that you should definitely continue writing. Like I said, you create an interesting and arousing scene. Personally, I'd like to see you invest a little more of your talent in creating multi-level characters and something more of a plot. That is not always the most popular choice with readers, however. Many of them enjoy the quicker, simpler story. Above all, make sure you enjoy what you write.
There is a lot to like about your story, especially your ability to set a scene and to take your time in explaining physical sensations. You conjure up nice images (the jet of water against her vagina, the razor traveling own her leg.)
I scarcely noticed your prose. (I mean that as a good thing.) You didn't seem to be striving, just telling a story clearly. That's a big plus in erotica. You don't want to distract the reader with prose which is either clunky or overly "flowery." Except for the phrase "some cream of my mother's" or something like that, I never noticed the writer at all.
There are a few things in your story which are generally considered "cliche," by experienced erotica writers--an amazingly beautiful yet very horny virgin being one of them. Most casual erotica readers won't find this to be terribly cliche, and you are under no obligation to pander to the more experienced erotica writers, but you should be forewarned that such things will likely arise when others from the "Author's Hangout" provide you with feedback. Personally, I don't think characters need to be "textbook" beautiful to be arousing. I sometimes use such characters, but not always. Oftentimes, it is easier for a reader to identify with someone who is a little awkward.
I think that you should definitely continue writing. Like I said, you create an interesting and arousing scene. Personally, I'd like to see you invest a little more of your talent in creating multi-level characters and something more of a plot. That is not always the most popular choice with readers, however. Many of them enjoy the quicker, simpler story. Above all, make sure you enjoy what you write.
thank you for what you said. I greatly appreciate it and I have a couple more stories awaiting submission which have characters with more depth and as you put it "less cliche" This story, however, was a true story. It was my personal experience so I couldn't really change the character's image or any details becasue those are me and that was how it happened. I changed the name to protect myself and the age for obvious reason, but other than that I couldn't change anything without it becoming fiction. Thanks for the feedback though, I've been waiting to get that.
nasty
yeah, baby, yeah
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I also appreciate some feedback
I wrote a story, "Bridget Fonda's Diary," which got 2 votes of 4 each. Whoever has read that story, PLEASE!!!!! Tell me what you liked about it, and what I could have done better to get a perfect score. Thanks.
I wrote a story, "Bridget Fonda's Diary," which got 2 votes of 4 each. Whoever has read that story, PLEASE!!!!! Tell me what you liked about it, and what I could have done better to get a perfect score. Thanks.
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