Feedback

[tiger_smurf]

Another first for me. I've never posted an erotic story before, but here goes. I'll welcome all thoughts and criticisms.



http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=136197

 

[MagicFingers]

Pretty well done

It was pretty hot and well described. I like your awarness and descriptions of the details in the story, almost like a woman would describe. And that is a complement, because they are better at that than most of us men.
My only problem was that it is a real stretch to believe they are giving each other hand jobs in a resturant on a busy street. OK, I can buy that, as it is a turn-on for the danger and public aspect. But I can't buy her sitting in his lap and inserting his cock. Maybe later, in his car or something, but not then and there.

Welcome and keep it up. You have good potential.

 

[tiger_smurf]

thank you. I realized that I was going to have to make that stretch, but after seeing what some of the authors on here have asked their readers to beleive I figured it might fly. Plus, you might be surprised at what people can get away with when bystanders are willing to look the other way. People are very discreet and tend to not say anything even if they notice it happening. I had an incident in a crowded movie theater once that would strengthen my case, heh. Anyway, I appreciate the feedback, and I'm working on another story that might be better.

-ck

 

[Lycon]

Nice story and nice girl.

One small point. You might want to consider splitting you paragraphs up more. Big blocks of text are difficult to read on screen, especially when dialogue is involved.

As the saying goes, I hope this helps

 

[tiger_smurf]

thanks, I've tried to do that more with my most recent story that I've just finished. Hopefully, it will be up soon and you can tell me what you think.