Feedback?

[Zas]

HI everyone,
I'm really interested in knowing what people think of my writing,
so far I have 3 stories published,

"Birthday Surprise"

"Harley Ride"

"Camping Trip"

These are all in the Erotic couplings section

Thanks

Zas

 

[English Lady]

Here's the links for Zas's stories


Birthday surprise



Camping Trip


Harley ride

 

[Zas]

OOPs Sorry!!

Thank you for putting the links in English Lady.......

 

[English Lady]

Well I have read all three stories and they're ok. They seem to read as a list and after a while that becomes a little boring, you need a bit more description in there, more smells, sensations,tastes and feelings.


I feel the dialogue is a little stilted at times and also in some cases a little cheesy"let me pleasure you" for example may be used in everyday situations but sounds a little twee in erotic fiction,or thats my view anyway*S* I think dialogue becomes easier the more you write, and its not terrible, its readable*S*


I noticed a few little spelling and grammar hiccups but nothing that distracted me too much

one thing though, i found the ending of "camping trip" involved a bit to much reality suspesion for my liking. I just cannot imagine anyone packing a spreader bar for a camping trip..but maybe thats my own limited imagination getting in the way*L*

All in all these are average to good stories and I can see the work and talent that has gone into them, i think with a little more practise you'll be a great writer!

 

[TrinaT]

Zas:

Just finished reading your stories.

I started with Camping Trip. Although content was good, the story appeared choppy. Your paragraphs and sentences didn't really flow together. I believe if you elaborate more with your descriptions it would be much better. In its current form, it appears as if you are telling someone about a dream you had, not just a fantasy.

Harley Ride is unique. The only problem I have with it is the realism of being able to go down on your partner while he is still trying to control the Harley. My husband and I ride frequently and good balance on both our parts keeps the bike from dumping. Maybe we're not as talented. But I did like the story.

Birthday Surprise I believe is the best of all three. There is more flow and description. Sounds like a great present!!!

As indicated to you in the other posts, I believe improved dialog and more detailed description will improve your stories. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more.

Trina T.

 

[Zas]

Thank you both,
I really appreciate you taking the time to read them and to give me your opinions,

I have been writing stuff like this for a long time, but its the first time I've ever put them up for public scrutiny as it were!

I will try and apply your advice to my next effort.

Thanks again.


Zas