Feedback!

[Happy_mike]

Hey guys!

So I've long been interested in writing scenes - not stories - with women I've been seeing or fantasising with, and tonight a Lit lady I've been chatting with suggested I publish something I sent to her. So here it is!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and criticisms, because publishing erotica is something I'd love to do but haven't ever really motivated myself to pursue. Is there anything here missing? Too much repetition? Does it work without a backstory? Do I need more dialogue? Feel free to give me both barrels!

Anyway, here we go:


[Material prohibited as per forum guidelines]

 

[ElectricBlue]

Mike, make sure you have a copy of this, as it will be removed by the Mod. Lit policy is to allow two or three paras only of work on the forums. The whole piece needs to be submitted to the site editor first, and then you start your thread seeking feedback.

 

[Happy_mike]

Got it, thanks for the heads up Blue! Guess I should've spent more time reading "the rules". Will send it off to the site editor now.