Feedback wanted for a lesbian celebrity story.

[rupert_ravenclaw]

This is my first real effort to write a story. Tell me what you think.

Part 1
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=296572

Part 2
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=306864

Part 3
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=315173

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Admittedly, I am not a fan of Fan-Fic. I find them boring and disinteresting. I find them so because they are fantasies of some person who happens to have the same name as some celebrety.

So it is with your story. Celebs are people, but very special people. They have specific personalities in public and a different one in private. They drive a specific car. They live in a specific place. They associate with specific people. They hang out in specific places. And so on.

To be honest, this would have been a pretty good story, if you had changed the names and submitted it as a Lesbian story and simply forgotten about Scarlett entirely. Go ahead and use her in your fantisy, but just don't try and pass this character off as her.

As I said, the writting isn't bad - a good effort, in fact.

I would suggest you do a search in the AH. A few months ago there was a challenge thread where the writers were asked to do a short Fan-Fic scene but not identify the Celeb. You will find it interesting, if you plan on more Fan-Fic.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

As usual, Jenny is right on the button.

I think your writing is pretty good and you have the makings of a well-plotted story that is let down by using celebs.

You make the mistake, like so many in this category, of assuming you can just quote a celeb's name without needing to develop a character. I have no idea what Scarlett or George Clooney or whoever, is like in real life and I would wager that you don't either. The turnoff with so much of the fan-fic stories, including yours, is that the protags are not fleshed out. The writers don't go to the trouble of making us care.

It seems to work better when writers use fictional characters from TV or film. Bree giving Homer Simpson a BJ conjures things up in my mind - I know the characters.

IMHO, if you wrote this same story with fictional celebs - so that you have to develop their characters and motives, you would have a much better product

 

[RogueLurker]

[threadjack] Elle! haven't seen you around lately. [/threadjack]

 

[elfin_odalisque]

[threadjack] Elle! haven't seen you around lately. [/threadjack]

No, what with some family probs, travelling for work and vacation, I've been out of things for a while. Don't worry now, the bitch is back!