Feedback w/ Bennefits

[Professor_Chaos]

I recently released the first chapter of a series I am working on and I must say, I'm looking forward to producing more on this site. As I am not sure how much good begging for an editor would do, I am hoping some of you wouldn't mind taking a look at chapter 1 for me. This is the first time I've ever released something and I am sure there are some first-timer mistakes I have made that I would like to fix before I get heavily involved in the rest of the story. I have already finished future chapters but received a couple comments about how horrible I am for not being able to get an editor. Simply put, I tried but my story seemed to be too long with how many stories they were getting. That was just the one that was nice enough to respond.
I would greatly appreciate any help from anyone in regards to grammatical errors, specifically, I got some shit for switching past and present tense. While I have an idea what they were getting at, they were anon, so it was more insulting me for not being better on my first try than it was helpful.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Couple things.

1) if you want an editor, try the editors forum a few further down the list from this one. You can ask for volunteers or search the sticky list of editors who are available (assuming the list is current).

2) in general, the feedback we give here is helpful in identifying logistical, technical mistakes in storytelling. We can help you identify character motivations and help you judge the quality of the story. It can be very tough to receive feedback for part of an ongoing story. If, for example, we tell you that because of X, Y, and Z, your protagonist is unlikable, what would you do with that information? Rewrite chapter 1? Try to salvage him in chapter 2? Our advice works best as a post mortem, where you can accept mistakes, learn from them, and put them to use in a new story unrelated to previous missteps. Sequential chapters build on each other, and building on broken foundation can be tricky.

3) assuming someone wants to read your story, what do you want them to tell you? Do you just want a listing of grammatical errors?

 

[Professor_Chaos]

Thank you, I will check that section of the forum. I understand now, what this section is for, and I may have posted too soon in my situation. I had already done a few re-writes before the chapter was submitted. I get what you mean by post-mortem feedback. It is definitely too soon for that in my case. I already know the story I want to tell and if there were too many changes to it before I got there it wouldn't be the same at all.

Essentially, What I wanted from this post was for someone to, non-anonymously, point out anything about my writing that made it difficult to read. That way I can avoid compounding obvious writing mistakes with the rest of the story.

I do have to thank you once again. The way you just explained everything made me think I should focus on finishing the story and get better after, instead of trying to make it perfect by the end. As I said, I am a newb when it comes to writing, but a bit of a perfectionist at the wrong times.

 

[8letters]

Your grammar is atrocious and very distracting. I thought you spent way too long providing background and should have gotten into the present day story much quicker. But given all that, you were still able to get across a very hot, interesting story with well-drawn, intriguing characters. You have a very solid rating and plenty of comments.

I think you make too many grammar mistakes for an editor to be that much of value - they'd have too much to clean up and they won't know how to clean it up each time. Instead, you need to sit down with a book on grammar that has some exercises and get better on your own.

 

[Professor_Chaos]

Seriously, thank you. Just that bit of constructive criticism is very helpful. Anon comments about how I suck and need an editor are not helpful. I actually want to get better at this, and I am already working on grammar research as we speak.
The stories I've done in the past were much more visual for me. I was never really a writer but I absolutely need to get this stuff out of my head.

I really just needed someone to tell me what my problem is. Now I know. I appreciate the help.

 

[8letters]

Seriously, thank you. Just that bit of constructive criticism is very helpful. Anon comments about how I suck and need an editor are not helpful. I actually want to get better at this, and I am already working on grammar research as we speak.
The stories I've done in the past were much more visual for me. I was never really a writer but I absolutely need to get this stuff out of my head.

I really just needed someone to tell me what my problem is. Now I know. I appreciate the help.

Let me offer what I hope is some encouragement. If you read my first story (Heather and Michael Ch. 01 and Heather and Michael Ch. 02 - I foolishly posted it as two chapters), you'll see my writing was initially full of typos and grammar mistakes. But I kept at it and got better. Now, I'm on the 250 Favoritest Authors list.

 

[Professor_Chaos]

That is definitely encouraging. Your story seems to also be my kind of thing so I plan to read it now. After, I think I'll keep my nose in the writer's resources and compare what I learn to what I've already done. I re-wrote and read over my first chapter quite a few times and basically submitted it before I destroyed it. In hindsight, I was focused on the story and nothing else. Before this week, I was the only one who had read anything I wrote.

It's a brave new world for me.

 

[hadruprider]

I managed half a page and then gave up. I found the writing incoherent and disjointed. The first para is about gaming, then there is a para about her parent's (sic) house, and one about sports. Then there is a jump to 10 years ago, and then the story switches from past tense to the present tense. Then there are mistakes like 'grabbed her by the waste' and 'owe what the...'

But clearly some people like it, so that's good!

You say you are new to writing, so I would suggest writing simpler stories. For example, don't jump back and forward 10 years in time. And please try to stick to either writing in the past or the present.

 

[AwkwardMD]

You say you are new to writing, so I would suggest writing simpler stories.

If I could give one piece of advice to every new author, it would be this. Make it easy on yourself and start with small stuff. Finishable stuff. Learn to write beginnings, middles, and endings.

 

[AwkwardMD]

You say you are new to writing, so I would suggest writing simpler stories.

If I could give one piece of advice to every new author, it would be this. Make it easy on yourself and start with small stuff. Finishable stuff. Learn to write beginnings, middles, and endings, which is harder than it sounds..

Instead, every author I've ever met, me included, started with one kind of epic disaster or another. My first story is a hot mess.

 

[ElectricBlue]

If I could give one piece of advice to every new author, it would be this. Make it easy on yourself and start with small stuff. Finishable stuff. Learn to write beginnings, middles, and endings, which is harder than it sounds..

Instead, every author I've ever met, me included, started with one kind of epic disaster or another. My first story is a hot mess.

I couldn't agree more. Start simple, learn your technical chops, and, very importantly I think, find your style. Then, and only then, start on your stupid big thing, your hubris project.

Hot messes are good, they're invaluable. They're where you learn to walk. They also build you a following. You want to launch your big one on a decent follower base, not just you and your mum - no, I didn't mean it THAT way .

 

[GrandTeton]

From the other side of the fence, I have to report that even though I wouldn't write it that way today, some people think the first story I wrote - four chapters, maybe 40,000 words - was the best thing I've done. So, who can say?
You do have a problem with flow. I found your phrasing a touch awkward. You fix that by reading the story aloud to yourself - if you can still face it after seventeen rewrites. I know that feeling.