Feedback requested for new story: Silence

[Zotted]

I'd love to get some actual feedback on my first Literotica submitted story: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=432906. I'm happy with the number voting that I've received so far, but as I am planning on doing quite a bit more writing, I'd appreciate some real criticism.

It's a baby of a story at around 1500 words. I'm heavy into the second installment, and am over 4000 words with quite a ways to go. So if you see something you hate in "Silence", please let me know before I turn Donna loose!

Namaste,
Zot

 

[penandpaper]

I enjoyed your story, specifically the vivid descriptions of their anniversary vacation. It was a good use of a flashback, and contextually it added a lot to the story. Also, your descriptions of her were well done, although I felt you went a bit overboard making sure the reader knew about her hair "down there." But overall, I could picture her in detail, so well done.

As far as constructive criticism goes - watch your tense. It changed several times in the story, especially when you were trying to build up steam. Pick a tense and stick to it. Also, I would work on the feelings an orgasm gives you, not simply say we came together.

Hope this helps. Great job. Keep on writing.

 

[Zotted]

Thanks penandpaper, good feedback. I thought I had cought all of the tense weirdness, but obviously not. I'll have to go back and resubmit after a new round of edits.

I appreciate your other comments as well.
Zot