feedback request

[hisculip]

hi, i just posted my first piece of fiction on literotica and i'd like some feedback. here's a link:

best laid plans

i'm a little discouraged by the feedback i've been getting so far. it is in the nonconsent/reluctance category, which i understand some people find offensive. considering the number of incest stories on here (which can tend to creep me out a bit) i sort of figured my story would go by without causing too much clamor. apparently i was mistaken.

should i feel obligated to post a disclaimer explaining "this is fantasy, i'm an emotionally mature adult male in a stable long term relationship and i'm well aware that rape is wrong and infidelity in real life causes more problems than it does in fiction" in front of every story i post in this category going forward? would doing that even help?

even the few positive comments i've received, while gratifying, aren't really the sort of feedback i was hoping for. i'd like more constructive criticism. i used to write a lot but haven't for quite some time now. i've never written any erotica. but i've been enjoying reading literotica, so i decided to try my hand at some to get back into writing again and to try to improve my skills.

so anyway, every time i read my story i see something i think i should have done differently. but i think it would be more helpful to hear what other people think about it rather than spinning my wheels with endless revisions. anybody care to take a whack at it?

please feel free to be brutal as long as being brutal means telling me what i did wrong or could have done better, and not telling me i'm a cuckholded weenie fetishist rapist evil etc etc.

 

[ericahope]

hi, i just posted my first piece of fiction on literotica and i'd like some feedback. here's a link:

best laid plans

Hi, I don't understand some of the feedback either. It's one thing to criticize plot, characters, dialogue, grammar, etc but another thing to criticize the subject matter. If you don't like non-consent, don't read stories in that category!!

As for me, I read the story. Good work on grammar and editing. I didn't notice any big problems, which many stories on here have. Non-consent isn't usually my cup of tea, but sometimes it does turn me on. Your story did arouse me a bit, so that's good.

The downside for me was that there were just one too many unrealistic events. What I have a hard time believing is that Heather just got raped and she appears to not have a problem with that. I can assure you that even the most sexually adventurous, sex-starved woman would not relish being raped by a stranger. While this is all fantasy, realism is important to a lot of readers.

I think an alternative ending, and more realistic one, would be for Heather to hear her husband's voice on the machine, realize this isn't him that's raping her, and somehow struggle to free herself and beat back the attacker. It's then that she and her husband figure out it's the intern from his office. He could either escape or get caught. Perhaps if he escapes the husband and wife toy with him in some way to get back at him (not sure how).

Anyway, I'm surprised I was aroused by the story (maybe that says something weird about me! eeek!), but a few changes might make it more realistic.

But great work on the grammar and flow and all that. So many stories are just awful when it comes to that part.

Erica

 

[hisculip]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I'm glad that, even if it wasn't your cup of tea, there were parts you appreciated.

I can assure you that even the most sexually adventurous, sex-starved woman would not relish being raped by a stranger. While this is all fantasy, realism is important to a lot of readers.

That's very true. I have several close female friends in addition to a mother, wife, sister, and various other female relations who I would hate to see anything remotely like this happen to. In real life I have a very dim view of any sort of violence against women, especially sexual violence. I confess though, that I do find stories in this genre titillating. I hope that doesn't say something bad about my character.

As far as realism, that wasn't really what I was striving for. There were a number of things about the story that aren't realistic at all. I'm not going to bother pointing out and picking apart all the little things I think were wrong with my own story. But this wasn't supposed to be a depiction of realistic events.

I think an alternative ending, and more realistic one, would be for Heather to hear her husband's voice on the machine, realize this isn't him that's raping her, and somehow struggle to free herself and beat back the attacker. It's then that she and her husband figure out it's the intern from his office. He could either escape or get caught. Perhaps if he escapes the husband and wife toy with him in some way to get back at him

I'll have to think about it. I have ideas for further chapters that involve Heather and her husband taking some sort of revenge against her attacker. But I haven't decided yet. I have a rough start to a second chapter which, based on the feedback I've received, and your reply here, I suspect people would like even less than the first. There isn't any violence on nonconsensual sex but it does have the female lead behaving in a decidedly unperturbed manner.

I sort of thought that in writing the story this way, with the woman accepting and embracing what was happening, was in keeping with one of the tropes of the noncon category. I don't think it's okay, or that it would be okay in real life, any more than I think a teacher coercing a student into bed for better grades or a wife sleeping with her husband's boss to save his job or parents gleefully sliding between the sheets with their own children are okay. But I've read and enjoyed stories like that.

great work on the grammar and flow and all that

Thank you for that. It's one of the things I really struggle with. I write and rewrite everything I do. Even after I posted my first story I kept going back and making changes. It makes me a really slow writer.