Feedback on "Sorority Secrets" story.

[cumsplash]

Any feedback on my new story would be greatly appreciated:

https://www.literotica.com/s/sorority-secrets-pt-01

(And no, I don't love the title)

 

[LesDesirable]

Opening paragraph - delete everything after the word 'said'.

Paragraphs 2 - 5 (backstory) delete in entirety. Para 6 - clean it up, badly written.

You did much better once you moved into a dialogue based story, both on pace and on story line and I would prefer that your backstory and descriptions and such be included as things already known about protagonist by her guide.

Overall, interesting enough and well enough written that it did not bore me.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Nice job! Yes, I agree with LD that it was interesting and a good sorority story.

You have a number of places where your punctuation should be corrected. For example, you have commas at the end of complete sentences instead of periods. An editor can likely help you with that and other grammar rules.

Can I ask: why did you pick that title if you don’t love it?