Feedback on My Wife Vidya

[spankedboy]

Hi,

I wrote two stories about a cuckold husband and his hot Indian wife Vidya. The second story is just out on the series "My Indian Wife Vidya" (if the link doesn't work my handle is "spankedboy").

http://www.literotica.com/s/my-***********-vidya-ch-02

I normally write about BDSM/Spanking because I have experience in those (my maid stories are all based on real incidents). Now I ventured into a new category ("Loving Wives") and so am writing complete fiction, and would love some honest feedback.

Thanks.

 

[CWatson]

Weird, this link is getting automatically censored by the forum. Here it is with spaces put in randomly:

http://www.liter otica.com/s/my-in dian-wife-vidya-ch-02

 

[sr71plt]

I couldn't just hop in with chapter two. I started reading chapter one, as I'm actually looking for well-written South Asian stories that would show me the difference in the flavor of these from those written in the American market. I got most of the way through chapter one but then wasn't interested enough to continue. It's competently written and has a good plot as far as it goes (I'm not sure it's good enough to go to multiple chapters--in fact what I read seemed longer than the material required). The scene and plot work is fine. It isn't what I'm looking for because it seemed too Americanized and belaboring it's points. The wife is too overtly crude for what I was interested in--I would be more impressed if you managed to make her demure on the outside and a slut (if that's what you were after) on the inside. It would have given her dimension.

I just felt I'd read everything I needed to before I got to the end of chapter one, let alone going on to chapter two.

I take it that you are posting the chapters as you write them and have no goal for the story in mind(?) If so, this is a type of story writing here that I'm not really interested in following either.

Or maybe these indeed are separate stories using the same characters rather than chapters as they are marked? If so, maybe the second one is worth a look.

On the peculiar links, if anyone interested in looking at them posts on the link in the signature line, it will lead well enough to the story profile page.

 

[spankedboy]

I am thinking of writing this as an evolution of a marriage into an open marriage. In this particular series, the wife is pretty crude. This is based on some girls I know who are pretty slutty before marriage and try to sober up afterwards. The stories explore what happens when one of them marries a wimpy husband.

Maybe you can read Ch 02 and then let me know what you think? The two are slightly different in their setting.

 

[sr71plt]

You mean you plan on writing prequel chapters? This marriage was already open, at least from the wife's perspective, in chapter 1. If the woman is slutty before the marriage, where is there to go in a progression toward an evolution of sexual openness?

 

[spankedboy]

The woman was slutty before marriage, but after marriae she remained faithful to her husband. And then, first, that faithfulness is tested, and then, with the husband's implicit encouraement, becomes an open marriage.

 

[sr71plt]

It was the wife's idea to go with the boss, wasn't it? So, she wasn't really faithful after marriage. She used the first convenient opportunity to go with another man. And the husband was less encouraging than cowed by his wife. That's at least what came across to me in chapter 1. Not really enough room to move from not open to open. I didn't see much of an effort from her or anticipation from him that it was going to be a closed marriage at the beginning. I read the wife as aggressive and sluttish from the get go and not developing to anything else.