Feedback on my stories
- Thread starter Jake68
- Start date
Colleen Thomas
Ultrafemme
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,545
Hey,
When you ask for feedback try and post a link. I am not positive I know how to do it, but I'll give it a try.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=199668
hope that worked
-Colly
When you ask for feedback try and post a link. I am not positive I know how to do it, but I'll give it a try.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=199668
hope that worked
-Colly
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
Hi Jake,
First a quick how to on including links in your post.
1. Open the page you want to link to the post in another window, click in the address window, right click and copy.
2. Now back in the box where you're writing your post - there's a button on top of the box which says http://. Click on that and it opens another small window.
3. First write what you want to there (example: Link to my homepage or My story) and then click ok.
4. In the next window paste the address you had copied from the page you wanted to link and click ok.
That's done. You have a nice clean link as I've done with your intruder story below.
On to your story. I read The Intruder. A nice story with a good ending. It does need a bit of polishing though and I am listing the things which need help, according to me.
I didn't like some of the names you gave for pussy and ass in there (muffin/ back passage). It doesn't go too well with the mood of your piece. It's always better to choose one or two words for every part according to the story; and use them throughout.
This is something I noticed while reading so it was quite obvious, I think. In your second paragraph, every sentence starts with Jane or she or her. Here's some advice I received while I was new here: Mix up your sentences and don't let them have the same structure. It gets repetitive and boring. Always look for variety. There are many ways to do that. If you're interested, I'll let you know some of the tricks of doing it.
"Ooooohhhhh fffuuuucckkkkk," Jane moaned...
The above instance from your story doesn't need the extra letters. In order to convey ecstacy, pleasure, or whatever emotion you are trying to through those words, try for a line after you tag describing Jane's tone or pitch of voice while saying that. Adverbs and adjectives help too, but then too many of those and you have a problem too. Try telling us her feelings and sansations and we'll get it much better than the line quoted above.
After all those tips above, let me tell you once again that it was a nice story in a category I like and I enjoyed it.
Keep writing.
First a quick how to on including links in your post.
1. Open the page you want to link to the post in another window, click in the address window, right click and copy.
2. Now back in the box where you're writing your post - there's a button on top of the box which says http://. Click on that and it opens another small window.
3. First write what you want to there (example: Link to my homepage or My story) and then click ok.
4. In the next window paste the address you had copied from the page you wanted to link and click ok.
That's done. You have a nice clean link as I've done with your intruder story below.
On to your story. I read The Intruder. A nice story with a good ending. It does need a bit of polishing though and I am listing the things which need help, according to me.
I didn't like some of the names you gave for pussy and ass in there (muffin/ back passage). It doesn't go too well with the mood of your piece. It's always better to choose one or two words for every part according to the story; and use them throughout.
This is something I noticed while reading so it was quite obvious, I think. In your second paragraph, every sentence starts with Jane or she or her. Here's some advice I received while I was new here: Mix up your sentences and don't let them have the same structure. It gets repetitive and boring. Always look for variety. There are many ways to do that. If you're interested, I'll let you know some of the tricks of doing it.
"Ooooohhhhh fffuuuucckkkkk," Jane moaned...
The above instance from your story doesn't need the extra letters. In order to convey ecstacy, pleasure, or whatever emotion you are trying to through those words, try for a line after you tag describing Jane's tone or pitch of voice while saying that. Adverbs and adjectives help too, but then too many of those and you have a problem too. Try telling us her feelings and sansations and we'll get it much better than the line quoted above.
After all those tips above, let me tell you once again that it was a nice story in a category I like and I enjoyed it.
Keep writing.
Colleen Thomas
Ultrafemme
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2002
- Posts
- 21,545
Hey,
On the subject of stories being long almost all of mine are exceptionally long compared to lit's average. Length isn't bad if the story is involving or if you use the extra words to accomplish something that is important to the story. I see some pink H's on your member page, that should let you know your doing all right
If your style is to write a more involved type of story you will develop a fan base that likes and expects it. You will get the odd bad feedbacks and votes from readers who are looking for stroke material, but you will get those no matter what you write.
-Colly
On the subject of stories being long almost all of mine are exceptionally long compared to lit's average. Length isn't bad if the story is involving or if you use the extra words to accomplish something that is important to the story. I see some pink H's on your member page, that should let you know your doing all right
If your style is to write a more involved type of story you will develop a fan base that likes and expects it. You will get the odd bad feedbacks and votes from readers who are looking for stroke material, but you will get those no matter what you write.
-Colly
damppanties
Tinkle, twinkle
- Joined
- May 7, 2002
- Posts
- 16,276
length
Exactly what Colleen said. The one I read wasn't long.
Exactly what Colleen said. The one I read wasn't long.
Pure
Fiel a Verdad
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2001
- Posts
- 15,135
This isn't so fancy as damp's elegant method of linking but...
Go to your story. (or anyone's)
Note the url in the box where you type addresses. Highlight and copy it, making sure to include the "story id=9898989" part,
Paste into your posting, and it will be made into an active url clickon (hotlink) when you submit.
J.
Go to your story. (or anyone's)
Note the url in the box where you type addresses. Highlight and copy it, making sure to include the "story id=9898989" part,
Paste into your posting, and it will be made into an active url clickon (hotlink) when you submit.
J.
mythrender
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2002
- Posts
- 60
Hi Jake
Yep..links would be good. I'd gladly read some of your stories. And don't worry about the length. Mine run a bit long and my most recent one is huge...two chapters with three parts each. I'll leave the links below. Anyway the length is not as important as how it is written. A lot of readers on lit like short "Fuck" stories that are basically just the description of a sexual encounter but many (like me) enjoy stories that include elements like setting and characterization. Remember that erotic literature should include the aspects that make amy literature good. It is well worth making a story long if it means including these elements.
You post those links on here and I'll read and tell you what I think.
Here's links to my latest. Its very long so readit when you have time and patience.
Chpt 1: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=110056
Chpt 2: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=110058
Likewise I would enjoy any feedback you or any other might have about mine.
Thanks,
Mythrender
Yep..links would be good. I'd gladly read some of your stories. And don't worry about the length. Mine run a bit long and my most recent one is huge...two chapters with three parts each. I'll leave the links below. Anyway the length is not as important as how it is written. A lot of readers on lit like short "Fuck" stories that are basically just the description of a sexual encounter but many (like me) enjoy stories that include elements like setting and characterization. Remember that erotic literature should include the aspects that make amy literature good. It is well worth making a story long if it means including these elements.
You post those links on here and I'll read and tell you what I think.
Here's links to my latest. Its very long so readit when you have time and patience.
Chpt 1: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=110056
Chpt 2: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=110058
Likewise I would enjoy any feedback you or any other might have about mine.
Thanks,
Mythrender
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