Feedback on my first story

[amyiscold]

Hello everyone,

After a really long while of thinking about writing my own story, I’ve finally done it and published my first ever story.

Link here: link

Would appreciate if you could read it and let me know any thoughts you have (both good and bad).

Thanks everyone

 

[annabellebrito]

Hello everyone,

After a really long while of thinking about writing my own story, I’ve finally done it and published my first ever story.

Link here: link

Would appreciate if you could read it and let me know any thoughts you have (both good and bad).

Thanks everyone

I left feedback on your story. Great build up and some decent character development with Amy. My negatives are in the review. I did enjoy how you left Amy. The messed up hair was great! Finally someone mentions that in their story! Not bad.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I'm guessing the racial dynamics are a bit different in Singapore but as an American reader I was taken aback by the heavy race stuff. Maybe this story would have been better for the interracial sex category?

I think it's fine for stories in erotic couplings to have sex between characters of different races. But if your main character is going to spend entire paragraphs talking about how white cocks are bigger and white men are better in bed and Singaporean girls are gagging for some white cock... That's definitely an interracial sex story.

Setting aside the race stuff, which you can probably tell isn't a fetish of mine, I liked this story. I could empathize with Amy's desire to step off the comfortable path that had been laid out for her. I really liked her mother's comment about loving vs being loved: she sounds like a smart, practical woman. And as a technical matter, I felt like you packed a lot of exposition into Amy's internal monologue without making me feel like I was reading an info dump.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

I read this earlier before you had any comments. I see now that the race stuff has been covered extensively. Sorry to give redundant feedback.

 

[Mr_Blackr0se]

Checking it out now.

Edit... I read it and gave you some feedback.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Read it, enjoyed it, and left a comment.