Feedback on my first story would be nice.

[Johndough]

Hey everybody, after a couple of years of reading Literotica and having a few ideas I finally plucked up the balls to write one of 'em down and send it in.

Seen's as this is my first go and all I'd really appreciate some feedback, just as to whether I should think about writing more or never putting pen to erotic paper again.

I went in at the deep end, this story is bordering on the edges of my own taste so I'd like to know if you think it's a bit OTT or if I'm just being too worried.

Anyway, the story - it's yet another version of the good old favourite Little Red Riding Hood :-
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=45491

So what do you think? Terrible?

 

[startrooper]

Good Outline! I enjoyed the premise behind your story. Nice take on Red Riding Hood. Good descriptions and sex scenes.

You do need some work on run-ons and punctuation. The paragraphs need to be broken down.

All in all, I really enjoyed it and hope that you will write more.

 

[Impetus]

Really neat story premice, and probably a lot closer to the original story by the brothers Grimm than the one most people are used to.

I definitely think you should keep up writing. While I did see a few errors, there was nothign so garrish that it distracted me from the story, and the story idea was neat and fun to read. I'd love to see your takes on other fairy tales. Or even alice in wonderland, as much as it's almost porn anyway.

Right good work there, Right good work.

-I

 

[startrooper]

Thanks again. As I finally upgraded to a better Word program, I hope to alleviate the errors. Maybe I will try my hand on another one. Maybe the Billy Goats Gruff?

I appreciate your input.

 

[Johndough]

Thanks

Thanks for the feedback you two. I was really worried about what sort of perception the story would create in others. Thanks for your comments but startrooper what do you mean by run-ons?

Anyway thanks for not ripping my first effort to shreads - I knew that there would be presentational issues, language and paragraph lengths etc, and I'm glad that only these appear to be the most obvious problems with my writing.

I'm definately thinking about submitting again but I've got quite a few ideas all fighting for attention in my head - should I consolidate the EFTs or move onto another of my Sci-Fi ideas or try my hand at a more 'mainstream' style of story? Should I go for the happier endings (like I tried to do with Red) or give in to the darker endings I keep coming up with? Well I guess I'll just have to think about it ...

Thanks again for the feedback -

John.