Feedback on incest stories

[Guest]

I just had my second story posted and wanted input on the difference in feedback between my first and second story.

I spent months on the first and felt it was a good story (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=75949). I never did another installment because I got very postive input but a limited number of responses. After all the effort I was disappointed and wasn't sure there was that much interest out there.

Then after a little fantasizing, I whipped out the second story in an afternoon and much to my surprise, was deluged with positive
feedback (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=100590). I don't get it. Is the length the only issue and if I had submitted the first in several installments rather than all at once would have I gotten a better response?

I like to read it all at once and in the authors advice section they advise against chapters. But from my experience, I wonder if the insallment idea is better.

Steve

 

[hiddenself]

Your first one is wayyyy too long. It should be in the "Novels and Novellas" IMO. Otherwise, you should have broken it up. I know some people are against "chaptering" but even more people (who are not specifically looking for a long story) would not be able to finish the whole thing in one go.

I read Ch1 and Ch2 and found them exceedingly boring. You are "telling" (and in a very monotonous voice at that), not "showing."

Our parents soon became aware there was a mutual attraction. They feared that we would get close too fast and tried to discourage the relationship. They caught us several times sneaking out or getting together on the beach and tried to punish us. Finally they realized that we were adults and they couldn't really stop it. Instead they decided to try working with us to set some ground rules.

Blah blah blah... This is how it goes mostly. Flat, monotonous prose. You could make your point by describing some incident where they were caught in flagrante, rather than telling us. What little dialogue bits (or, rather, actual characters' statements) there are are isolated and trivial. There is no life in the story. The writing is pretty choppy and sloppy at times too. I wouldn't get past the first page or so.

Now, I took a quick look at your newer story and voila -- it's all dialogue, faster-paced, more lively. I don't think it's particularly good dialogue (it often sounds fake and stilted -- noone would say some of those things that way) but it's much better than no dialogue at all.

Just my (quite subjective) take.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

There's only one word I can add to the first-rate advice from hiddenself-amen.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Guest]

Thanks for the input. I do agree and think that with the first I was trying too hard. Part of the problem was "to many cooks." I sought input from 2-3 editors. They all had ideas and some wanted more background. I tried to incorporate it all...and did, loosing most of the readers in the process.

Steve