Feedback on Humorous Story sought

[Carnevil9]

I normally don't pimp out my stories to beg for feedback, but.... this is my first attempt at a humorous story. Yes, many of my stories have some element of humor in them, but this is the first one that I've submitted under Humor and Satire, actually claiming that it is supposed to be funny, and I'm a bit unsure of how it will be received. No feedback has been provided as of yet.

It is a parody of the television show "House, M.D." - the medical series about a crotchety doctor treating patients with rare diseases. I have of course turned it into a sexual romp for Literotica.

If anyone feels like checking it out and providing some feedback on the success or failure of the humor quotient, I'd be very grateful. Positive feedback is not sought; mostly constructive feedback on what could be better.

Thanks, all!......Carney

Story Link: Louse, M.D.

 

[sr71plt]

The setup and writing are OK, but I kept waiting for the punchline, and it never came. Where's the resolution of either the story or the "joke"?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Sorry, but for an exceptional time, I agree totally with sr.

In comedy, even more intensely than ordinary fiction, there needs to be a series of jokes leading up to the conclusion of the farce. It has to be really tightly scripted. You relied too much on the play on TV celebs to carry the plot - and it didn't really work.

You'd do better posting in celebs. What would any reader who hasn't seen 'House' make of this?

 

[Carnevil9]

Thanks for the assessment, folks. I appreciate it......Carney

 

[damppanties]

From a reader who hasn't seen 'House'... I knew it was a medical show but have never watched it. It didn't really matter much. Possibly might have enjoyed it more if I knew the background of the characters but I didn't recognize any characterization, if it was attempted.

Other than that, there were a few chuckles along the way but not much else. I was expecting something more in the last section of the story too.

 

[NevilleLeck]

reply

expecting something more in the last section of the story

 

[bwallard]

Farce is not an erotic medium and, call me crazy, but I don't even find farce funny. Or wait a minute - is Fargo farce?

That's not to say that your story is not an exemplary instance of farce. It could be a Monty Python skit but to make it funny Monty Python would have to do it.

But to make it erotic? I don't see how you're going to do it.

 

[DeParjure]

Carnevil9:

I got a few laughs out of your well-written story.

Jackie