Feedback on first chapter of Bimbo story.

[Flangelo]

Here’s the link. This is essentially just setup and a framing device for the main story, really hoping for some feedback. What you liked, didn’t like, what can be improved etc.

https://classic.literotica.com/s/pink-reality-prologue-framing-01

 

[AlinaX]

Pet peeve: If your sentence is entirely within parentheses, please put the period there too.

I found it rather frustrating. You start with the tease about the dream but don't say anything about it until much later. You suggest Sam is unusual in her interest in science but then assert that she's a perfect bimbo. The bodies and pleasures are extreme without contrast...

Plus I'm really wondering how the world functions. (The great thing about working at the dildo factory, Sam always said, was that there was always plenty of merchandise to sample. She and Annie liked to play Guess The Product! with each choosing what the other got to sit on during the morning shift. On good days, Bill the manager would be swinging his cock, and Sam and Annie would compete to see who swallowed his load - although there was always plenty to share.)

But it's frustrating. Yes, you say it's a scene setter, but the tease needs to run through. (She eyed the silicone dildo by the bed, a new pink dildo to replace the purple one she'd worn out, and thought how it would break the Sam she had dreamed about in two. What an awful dream! Such dull colours, and the people in it drained of the very essence of sexuality.)

Ultimately, bimbo stories are most erotic when they focus on transition, and it wasn’t clear in your chapter (until the very end) that this was where it was going. I'm left unclear about whether the dream has any real meaning. I guess what I wanted to see was dreamer-Sam not fitting in with the rest of bimbo society. She may look the part, but she's increasingly not (or no longer) the mindless sex junkie everyone else is. (Or are they? Unclear.)

Anyway, my thoughts, for what they're worth.