Feedback on Entropy Requested

[Irishdragon]

Hello All,
I would like to know what you guys thought of entropy. It's my first venture into writing, and I wrote it a little fast...too fast maybe. It is in Non-consent, but it's not a brutal rape fantasy as I am not into that. I have another one pending, that I think is alot better, more thought out and developed. I would really like to know what you guys thought of the story though. Thanks.

 

[Irishdragon]

Sorry Here is the link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=51659

 

[Guest]

It is very well written, except John/john typo, and Multiple exclamation marks and elipse abuse. Personally, I don't mind them, but the Grammar Police might take you as an offending party.

I'll be honest. I think the story would improve if you spent more time describing what Janice is like(i.e. not her physical description but her character), so that the reader would understand why John's attracted to her so much. Also, you could develop John's character more fully.

Sorry if this sounded harsh, but I've just read one of the best story recently. It's not fair on you, I know. You might like to check out a story by Nite Ridder. You'll find a link in this forum.

I hope this helps.

 

[Irishdragon]

I would just like to thank of of you who responded via feedback to my stories. I am very grateful for all the points that you guys brought up and am attempting to incorporate them into my newer stories.

I just ask that you guys keep the comments and the suggestions for future stories coming, and thanks for taking the time to read them.

 

[DannyBoyUK]

Midway through - so far so good