FEEDBACK CH2 OF "KINKY ADELE MUMMY FUCKER"

[Sissy Adele Howells]

Would appreciate feed back on ch2 of my story "Kinky Adele Mummy Fucker."
One person who made public comment wanted this as quick as I could,so here it is http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=241435
Enjoy it and Will write a third part as soon as I can
LOVE SISSY ADELE

 

[kbate]

You should proofread before posting.

Read the dialogue aloud. Are they speaking in the way you want them to speak? Are the pronouns correct?

Punctuation, apostrophies, commas, and some capitalisation errors.

The word "as" appears 29 times.
The word "was" appears 21 times.
The word "and" appears 42 times.
the word "then" appears 12 times, (misused 9 times).

Half a dozen verb tense errors, many improper pronouns.

I cannot picture much of the action, largely due to the character's names being tossed around, three or four times in every line.

Me primary recommendation for you next installment: use an editor to help with consistency, flow and punctuation.

 

[Sissy Adele Howells]

Happy with the popularity of this

Thanks for your advice. But I must say this story is becoming very popular.The first part and this one are getting a good share of votes. I personally prefer my other story, but readers on here think otherwise. I have written the third part and it is pending. Hope it will be passed soon. Would love other views especially about the story. Thanks Everyone for your time
LOVE
SISSY ADELE