Feedback and what could be improved?

[toupoutsou]

I've posted my latest story. Just to note, I usually write what turns me on at the moment, without a plan.

I'd appreciate feedback, plus what could be improved,

https://www.literotica.com/s/i-strayed-but-it-was-so-good

 

[SunnyU2]

Why even make MC have bf if she is going to cheat on him?

 

[8letters]

The rating of a story is mostly going to be determined by how much your premise appeals to the readers of the category you posted in. I'm not an EC reader, but I don't think this premise appeals to EC readers. Maybe Loving Wives? I'm not a LW reader either, and I get they aren't married yet, but it's premise is more along the lines of a LW story.

The first piece of advice I give to all authors is to start with an interesting scene with lots of dialogue. You start with a lot of exposition. I didn't find the set up at all plausible - the defence subcontractor expects their employees to totally sacrifice their personal lives for five months while they work in...Bavaria. Why would employees agree to such a situation? "Send Charlie and I'll support him remotely."

What's appealing about the FMC? Why should we care about her? I didn't see anything.

 

[toupoutsou]

The rating of a story is mostly going to be determined by how much your premise appeals to the readers of the category you posted in. I'm not an EC reader, but I don't think this premise appeals to EC readers. Maybe Loving Wives? I'm not a LW reader either, and I get they aren't married yet, but it's premise is more along the lines of a LW story.

The first piece of advice I give to all authors is to start with an interesting scene with lots of dialogue. You start with a lot of exposition. I didn't find the set up at all plausible - the defence subcontractor expects their employees to totally sacrifice their personal lives for five months while they work in...Bavaria. Why would employees agree to such a situation? "Send Charlie and I'll support him remotely."

What's appealing about the FMC? Why should we care about her? I didn't see anything.

All valid points. Regarding the category, I wasn't sure, so I just went with EC. Not a section I read myself, so lessons learned.


Regarding plausibility, could have worked more on the why, just used personal examples, jad coleagues barricated in nuclear submarine bases and nuclear stations for 3-4 months at a time, or 6 months straight in desert worksites in Saudi. As to why anyone would agree? Money. But yeah, could have made it a bit more plausible.

I don't know how to avoid the exposition being overbearring, as I often look for details in what I read. Any pointers on how to make the MC more interesting? I thought that making her as average as possible it would be easier work.

 

[8letters]

I don't know how to avoid the exposition being overbearring, as I often look for details in what I read. Any pointers on how to make the MC more interesting? I thought that making her as average as possible it would be easier work.

My suggestion would be to start the story with the first conversation with Marquis. Cat could then feed a lot of the information about Mick into that conversation. Then when she got home, she and Mick could text each other quite a bit, giving another opportunity to provide the background information.

As to how to make Cat more interesting, give her some goals in life. What is her job? Sounds like she doesn't do much at all besides go to the gym, masturbate, and occasionally meet some friends at a pub.