Feedback and help

[InterestedInColumbus]

http://www.literotica.com/s/movie-1

The link is my first submission. Comments have been interesting, but would like more feedback from authors.

I mislabeled the submission under loving wives, it should be under erotic couplings. Is there any quick fix for that?

P.S. - really jealous of the poster who is above 4.5 on first submission. ;-)

 

[PennLady]

For the category, you could send a private message to Laurel. Before you do that, make sure you have private messages (PMs) enabled.

To enable them, go to the User CP link at the top left of this page, click Edit Options from the left column on the next page, then scroll down to Messaging. Click the box to enable PMs if it isn't already. To send one, you can click on the Private messages link at the top of this page, then put Laurel's name in the To: field. Or you can right-click on Laurel's name on one of her posts and select Send Private Message.

Once you have your message, explain what happened and why you want it changed, and include a link to the story. I've found that if you are polite and concise, you're more likely to get a reply. It doesn't guarantee she'll agree, but it doesn't hurt to ask nicely.

 

[InterestedInColumbus]

Still interested in feedback from other authors

I thank pennlady for the how to, but I am still interested in feedback from authors on my first story. Link is above. Thanks.

 

[Hypoxia]

I left your vignette this comment:

I'M PREJUDICED. I dislike stories where characters are only referred to by pronouns. Anonymity kills my involvement in the piece, When I see a tale that lacks names, I just skip on to the next story. That happened here -- I read the first two paragraphs, yawned, and moved on.

 

[ambiguityperson]

I'm not an experienced author on Literotica by any means (my second submission is awaiting approval, my first was rejected because I failed to read the guidelines and went too far into noncon), but as a consumer opinion, I enjoyed it. I personally like anonymity in erotica, because I can project people I want to fantasize about into the roles, so I'd call that a taste issue more than a critique. Besides, if your previous commenter had read on, he would have found one of the names he sought anyway. I also think it reads better without forced exposition of details like names, measurements, hair color, cup size, etc. Getting bogged down in all that unnecessary cataloging of information makes the story feel cheap, somehow, and I don't mind letting my imagination stretch its legs a bit.

As for critique, I don't know that I have much to offer. I felt the passage about the cock "only knows one thing" was a bit corny, maybe, but it didn't distract much from the overall enjoyment of the narrative. I like the leisurely pacing and your attention to detail of the dance of seduction. It's perhaps a bit mystifying as to why this Lisa was driven to an illicit affair, but as you stated, you have a backstory in mind and you intend to write more, so I'm guessing you have probably already addressed this, at least to yourself. I'm looking forward to reading more.

 

[PennLady]

The story was well-written enough, but as a previous poster said, I don't care for stories where the protagonists aren't named. This is not to say that some of those aren't good. It's more that it keeps me at a remove, and I can't get into it so much. I know some authors do this because they feel it allows the reader to put themselves in one of the characters' places, but that's not always successful.

Also, I personally don't care for stories where a spouse is cheating. However, I know a lot of people like that secret, forbidden aspect to it and I think you handled that pretty well.

So I don't know exactly what kind of feedback you want here. It was fine, but didn't do it for me, but will for someone else.

 

[InterestedInColumbus]

Comments are useful

As I said, I'm new to this. I write professionally for work. Finding a creative writing style and voice is new to me. I like writing first person at the moment. I know I need to expand to third person. The lack of names has rubbed a couple people wrong. That's useful info, and I can probably resolve that without really affecting my style.

 

[monoblanco]

Greetings,

I liked your story overall and share many of the opinions already voiced.

Not to pile on, but the overuse of pronouns was a bit distracting.

Another thing I noticed was some inconsistency in your use of punctuation.

In some places, her thoughts are in quote, in other places, not. In some dialog, you use a comma after the quote, in at least one place before the quote, in other places, not at all.

That could be tightened up and would be an improvement but only the grammar Police are going to notice or care.

Cheers!