feed back wanted for first time writer

[hot_n_ginger]

hi, i am a new writer and have just become a member of literotica and would like some feed back on the two stories i have submitted, either positive or negative. If anyone could spare a bit of their time to read them and give me your opinions it would be much apreciated.

They are called cybersex? and alone?

Thanks in advance to anyone who gives me any feed back!

Xxxx

 

[Ray Dario]

Links

Here is a link to "Cybersex" Couldn't find "Alone" on your authors page

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=37185


This was a good, hot story. There are a couple of places the wrong word slipped through.

"I guild it to my mouth"
"I guide it to my mouth"

and

"allowing him to let his tongue wonder around"
"allowing him to let his tongue wander around"

These are just small technical errors, nothing that can't be corrected with a little care or a good editor.

One thing that I did see was with your dialog.

Dialog should be seperated into paragraphs.

Now about your imagery. It was very hot! You did an excellent job describing the action and the emotions and you made the story very erotic.

Overall it was a good story and I really enjoyed reading it.

Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your stories as you submit them.


Ray

 

[hot_n_ginger]

hi ray,
thanks for reading my story and i am glad you enjoyed it, the other story should be on in a few days i didnt realise it took a few days to be added sorry. I hope you like this one just as much as you liked cybersex?.

Thanks for pointing out my spelling mistakes, sometimes when i write i get too caught up in what i am writing to think about the correct word, even when i spell check it i always manage to miss them, i will try to be more thourgh next time.

Thankyou again for reading it, and will look forward to hearing your opinion on alone?

Xxx

 

[Hudson]

Hi
I just read your story, and I thought that your description of the sex scene was great, the only 2 nits I have is that you jumped into the sex scene really quick, If youve read a lot of erotic stories mostly here on Lit what seperates the good ones from the great ones is character defenition and build up to the sex scene, I always enjoy being able to imagine the characters in the story why they are doing what they are doing where they are etc, you did this fantastic with the sex scene and I think you have the ability to stretch the story a little more and be descriptive from the word go eg you female character what she looked like, the room she was in etc.
The second nit is the last paragraph where you use the word it for the guys penis there are so many words that can be used for the male member, "it" didnt work for me.

Overall I liked the story and await with eagerness on reading your next peice.
Cheers

 

[hot_n_ginger]

hi,
thankyou for your comments, i understand what you are saying. The story was a bit quick in establishing the sex scene, but that was kind of intentional. The point of the story was cybersex, which is what i entitled it. If you have ever had cybersex yourself then you will realise just how fast it happens.

I agree that i should of included some type of image of the people within the story, with a description of what they look like and maybe a bit about themselves. I wrote this story with no intention of ever publishing it on the internet, and i didnt know what to expect but I will try to include this in my writing in the furture.

Thankyou again for taking your time to read it, and hope you will enjoy my stories in the future.

Xxx