feed back on my story

[max_dylen]

hey i wrote my first story , finally got posted , id like to hear what ppl think about it , where i could improve , where im right on the money

the title is

the parking lot


if i could find it id post a link
but i cant

any way either pm me with ur thoughs or just post here

 

[Chicklet]

The Parking Lot

I'll read it and give you feedback a little later

 

[TrinaT]

Just read your story.

The biggest problem I had was trying to read the story on the computer. The paragraphs are too big and your eyes strain trying to keep focused.

In my opinion, it was ok. There are various things that I didn't find appealling but that's just me. I think you need to have the sentences flow from one to the next; as it is, it reads a little choppy. But, hey, this is how we learn and grow, right?

Keep it up.

Trina T

 

[max_dylen]

ya i find it hard to concentrate on one thing i kinda jump around , thnx for the feed back

ill keep ur suggestions in mind in my next story