Feeback Requested New Story in Anal: Doesn't Like to Read

[asullivan2]

First time posting in Forum. Sorry if I've breached etiquette; I've been scanning FAQs and other posts for a couple of hours, but still, I know I might be posting in the wrong place or wrong format. But I wrote a story recently, my first in a long time and first on this site. No complaints about comments or voting, but I must admit I was hoping for some more detailed feedback. I know the story has some stronger portions and some rough patches, probably a lot of them. I suspect the set-up and characters are better than the actual anal action, so I wonder if I should have left out the anal aspect, and put it in a more general category so as to include potential readers who are not interested in anal stories.
The story is called 'Doesn't Like to Read' by 'asullivan2'.
There are two typos in it that I have discovered in re-reading it since publication. If anyone knows how to fix those without withdrawing and re-submitting it I'd be grateful to hear it.
Love this site. Love erotic fiction. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

 

[AlinaX]

Always nice to include the address: https://www.literotica.com/s/doesnt-like-to-read

And... I think I won't comment, except to say... The camera is too close to the faces. You need to pull back a little.

 

[yukonnights]

First time posting in Forum. Sorry if I've breached etiquette; I've been scanning FAQs and other posts for a couple of hours, but still, I know I might be posting in the wrong place or wrong format. But I wrote a story recently, my first in a long time and first on this site. No complaints about comments or voting, but I must admit I was hoping for some more detailed feedback. I know the story has some stronger portions and some rough patches, probably a lot of them. I suspect the set-up and characters are better than the actual anal action, so I wonder if I should have left out the anal aspect, and put it in a more general category so as to include potential readers who are not interested in anal stories.
The story is called 'Doesn't Like to Read' by 'asullivan2'.
There are two typos in it that I have discovered in re-reading it since publication. If anyone knows how to fix those without withdrawing and re-submitting it I'd be grateful to hear it.
Love this site. Love erotic fiction. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

You're in the perfect and correct Forum for the kind of feedback you're looking for. First, I think your current rating of 4.74 is unusually good for a first story. I also think it is well deserved.

In my opinion, the ratings are the guide to well written stories — the readers know best, etc. This is especially true for new authors who do not yet have hundreds of Followers. In case you don't know, those who add you as a Favorite Author get notices in their Control Panel when you post a new story. More Followers equals a larger built-in audience, etc.

I'm not sure what Alina X meant by 'camera too close to the face' and the need to pull back a little. Maybe she can elaborate on that if she sees this.

The one oddity that I noticed is in your use of 'single' quotes instead of "double" quotes. My guess is that it may be a UK/British style that I'm unaware of. The double quote is the norm for verbal speech and the single is often used to show a character's thoughts / silent dialogue.

Regarding EDITS: It's actually pretty simple; You submit the edited version just like you did the original — adding the word EDIT after the same original title. Leave the tags as original. Add a note to the editor explaining your intentions. Edits sometimes take a bit longer than original submissions, but if your edit drags on too long you can send a Private Message from the Forum side to Laurel to make sure it's not lost in space, etc. [ edit to add; You do not need to remove the original while the edit is being put in place. The edit itself will take care of that ]

Welcome to Literotica and I wish you well in your future stories. Also, the Authors Hangout Forum is often worth perusing as it's more often than not pretty helpful with shared insights and such.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The one oddity that I noticed is in your use of 'single' quotes instead of "double" quotes. My guess is that it may be a UK/British style that I'm unaware of.

Single quotes for speech is common British usage, yes.

 

[AlinaX]

Single quotes in British English, although Literotica prefers double.

Still, quotes inside quotes need to alternate. Kelly said, 'I heard exactly what you said. You said, "Fuck me." Well, fuck you.'

Camera: The writing is dialogue-heavy, and it's like those films where the camera zooms in on the actors' faces all the time. Pull the focus back, show the context, seduce the reader...

 

[asullivan2]

AlinaX
Thanks for the suggestion about a link for the address. As far as the camera goes, I get your point, though since one of my favourite TV series is the UK comedy 'Peep Show', perhaps it is a feature rather than a bug for me. I think one of the aspects of sex that I facinates me is its persistent subjectivity. Even while bodies are mingling, our awareness of our partners' actual experience remains limited. I appreciate that if the repartee fails to charm, it is likely instead to irritate, and that my relentless attempts to use words to descibe qualia might be tiresome. I wonder myself whether the approach will be sustainable over multiple stories. Anyway, I appeciate your taking the time to look at my story, even though it turned out not to be to your taste.

 

[asullivan2]

You're in the perfect and correct Forum for the kind of feedback you're looking for.

yukonnights,
Thanks for the welcome, the kind message, the useful information, and for taking the time to read my story. It is much appreciated.

Your point about votes is well-taken. Having been a reader for much longer than a writer, I know that a reader is often looking at multiple stories, hoping for something that fits the mood, often forced to use the mouse in the non-dominant hand, so even taking the time to vote a high score is a real sign of approval. Comments are probably to be expected only rarely.

I hope to encounter you again around the forum. All the best.

 

[asullivan2]

.....

 

[JohnHudson]

It was a good story. I particularly enjoyed the detailed descriptions of the sex and tastes. Scenario setup was a little long for my liking. As a newbie here, I hope to get to this level of writing standard too. I learnt a lot from it - thanks

 

[AahhWhattheHell]

First time posting in Forum. Sorry if I've breached etiquette; I've been scanning FAQs and other posts for a couple of hours, but still, I know I might be posting in the wrong place or wrong format. But I wrote a story recently, my first in a long time and first on this site. No complaints about comments or voting, but I must admit I was hoping for some more detailed feedback. I know the story has some stronger portions and some rough patches, probably a lot of them. I suspect the set-up and characters are better than the actual anal action, so I wonder if I should have left out the anal aspect, and put it in a more general category so as to include potential readers who are not interested in anal stories.
The story is called 'Doesn't Like to Read' by 'asullivan2'.
There are two typos in it that I have discovered in re-reading it since publication. If anyone knows how to fix those without withdrawing and re-submitting it I'd be grateful to hear it.
Love this site. Love erotic fiction. Thanks in advance for any feedback.

First and foremost, excellent read. I largely disagree with Alina. The earlier dialog established the prof as a real person, and greatly supported his judgements when they first meet. The dialog over all made the flow seem real, and not cookie cutter background to sex.
I would also like to comment on the anal sex. The descriptions of the sensations could be done down just a bit. especially what the prof said after they got started. The impact she felt and her internal thoughts during the act were perfect.
I do hope you continue into the future with other stories, and feel free to branch out to other categories, as you have the talent to do so.