FDR, Eleanor, and Lucy

[lisa123414]

My first husband was known to say, “Behind every great man, there is a neglected wife and children.” I always thought this was a bullshit excuse for not taking out the trash, but maybe my expectations were too high. This begs the question,

Can a man, or woman, do great things and also do right by his/her family?

Consider those who did more than most, to me Madam Curie immediately comes to mind. Can a person be true to both their interest and their loved ones?

 

[Weird Harold]

Can they? Yes they can.

Do they? As far as I can tell, not very often... They greater the things they do, the more obsessed and focussed they seem to be to the exclusion and detriment of normal human interactions.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Probably not, if by "do right by his/her family" means spend lots of quality time with them and have a deeply intimate, deeply entwined relationship/day-to-day existance with spouse. The reason is simple: Doing great things requires great expenditures of time. Nobody every changed the world working 9-5, weekdays only. No one makes a lot of money with those hours either.

 

[lisa123414]

Yes they can, but is it asking too much? The idea, although this seems sexist even to me, makes me think of the idea, that as a woman, I can have it all. A demanding career, a passel of children, and an adoring spouse. Everybody is happy, the kids, the SO, the boss, and not to forget, me. It happens, but as Weird Harold says, not very often. It’s really, really hard.

 

[Weird Harold]

Yes they can, but is it asking too much? ... It’s really, really hard.

I don't think it's all that difficult to do "good" things and have good interpersonal relationships -- whether dealing with friends and lovers or parenting -- but it does require a commitment that the personality type that does "great" things is simply not well suited for.

As Roxanne pointed out, "Doing Great Things" is pretty much a 24/7 job if you're really going to do "great things." But that kind of 24/7 dedication is almost a mental illness -- it is a mental illness if you're not actually accomplishing "great things."

Luckily, people who do Great Things are rare and the mental illness is treatable, so most everyone else can stop being a workaholic and be a parent, Friend, or Lover (not all the same time, of course,) while still "making a mark on the world" -- it just won't be a "Great Things" kind of mark.

 

[Edward Teach]

My first husband was known to say, “Behind every great man, there is a neglected wife and children.” I always thought this was a bullshit excuse for not taking out the trash, but maybe my expectations were too high. This begs the question,

Can a man, or woman, do great things and also do right by his/her family?

Consider those who did more than most, to me Madam Curie immediately comes to mind. Can a person be true to both their interest and their loved ones?

I think travel is the main obstacle. If you have to travel all the time, you can't spend a lot of time with your family. There will be birthdays, ballgames and recitals missed making what family time you get all the more precious. Daily contact and as many vacations as possible become a must.

I quit two jobs in large part because of being away from my kids.

As for doing "great things," you probably have to take time away from the family. I really wouldn't know.

 

[rgraham666]

To be honest, people who want to accomplish 'Great Things' scare the living shit out of me.

As Harold points out, that obsession borders, and often crosses over to mental illness. The mentally ill don't, can't, care much about who gets hurt.

Trust me, I have personal experience with this.

 

[Pure]

besides the quality time --or any time--question is the opportunity question. many who are doing 'great things' are meeting new people a lot of the time AND some of the new people are adoring. so...

 

[JagFarlane]

I think travel is the main obstacle. If you have to travel all the time, you can't spend a lot of time with your family. There will be birthdays, ballgames and recitals missed making what family time you get all the more precious. Daily contact and as many vacations as possible become a must.

I quit two jobs in large part because of being away from my kids.

As for doing "great things," you probably have to take time away from the family. I really wouldn't know.

I remember during my parents divorce, my dad was working for a golf club as the clubhouse manager. Hearing of his divorce, the club immediatly offered him the lil room they had in the club, expecting him to live there and be on call all the time. They were severely disappointed when they learned he was fighting for custody of his kids. In the end, they more or less fired him, but as far as he was concerned, he loved his kids more, and that was what was important to him [course he took the offered computer tech course from the unemployment office and did a career change to which he's very happy now but ya know...thats just how things work out sometimes ]

 

[Weird Harold]

To be honest, people who want to accomplish 'Great Things' scare the living shit out of me.

As Harold points out, that obsession borders, and often crosses over to mental illness. The mentally ill don't, can't, care much about who gets hurt.

Trust me, I have personal experience with this.

The difference between genious and insanity is results and the difference between crazy and eccentric is money.

I don't know if "workaholic" is classified as a mental illness, but it probably should be.

 

[lisa123414]

I don’t know if people set out to do great things. We all have benefited from those who have, and I admire many of them. I hate to set specific people as examples, so say I have the ability to cure a terrible disease, but only if I work on it 24/7 for the next ten years. People are oftentimes driven, and the rest of us are lucky that they are.

I don’t think that being a workaholic is necessarily an illness. Although I guess it depends on your definition of “workaholic.” And is there a difference between those who want power, or those who want fame, or those who are sincerely driven by the greater good?

What about those, who set out with lofty goals, and are corrupted by either the power? When they are seduced by the trappings, is all lost?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'm in a position where the oppotunity to do "great things" might just come my way. I'm a little afraid because of the very things about family and spouse that have been mentioned. Unfortunately, this "great thing" really needs doing and I don't see anyone else putting out any effort in this direction soooo . . . it's chilling what a man will do for duty.

 

[lisa123414]

I'm in a position where the oppotunity to do "great things" might just come my way. I'm a little afraid because of the very things about family and spouse that have been mentioned. Unfortunately, this "great thing" really needs doing and I don't see anyone else putting out any effort in this direction soooo . . . it's chilling what a man will do for duty.

I know you work with kids, so I think this will be worth doing Hopefully the demands upon you will be bearable, and the gratification you feel makes it all worthwhile.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I know you work with kids, so I think this will be worth doing Hopefully the demands upon you will be bearable, and the gratification you feel makes it all worthwhile.