fantasy v. reality

[curiouswife1]

I'm happily married, and we've have been talking about expanding our sex life lately. We're both bi-curious and have also talked about swinging (together) as well. There's something about watching your SO be pleasured by someone else that turns us on. We've thought about trying a club, but ordinarily, we're not really 'club' people (never really got into the bar scene). But we like the fact that it's not in our small town and we know we'd meet like-minded people.

I'm normally a pretty shy person. But when I get into it, I'm completely different, like to feel naughty, sometimes a little pain, and mild submissiveness. One of my biggest turn-ons is the element of surprise. When we share our fantasies, I've told my husband that I'd love him to surprise me with a visit to the club, hope to meet another couple, and how I'd love the excitement of being fucked by another man (or woman) while he watches and has sex next to us. There are more fantasies, but when I'm not in the moment, I'm not 100% sure that I could let another man fuck me, even with my husband there.

So, How do you know when you're ready to take the leap from fantasy to reality?

 

[Fahima]

Having never been married, I can't say that I have any swinging experience, but I've been to clubs, and just because you go in doesn't mean you're obligated to do anything. You're allowed to check things out, watch a little, feel the vibe, that sorta thing, and if you're finding yourself in a moist and tingly kind of way, obviously, you can test some waters.

I'd say visit some establishments, without expectations of hooking up, and see if it is anything you're remotely physically interested in.

 

[ravenous_os]

 

[Eilan]

Welcome to Lit.

So, How do you know when you're ready to take the leap from fantasy to reality?

The "readiness" factor (for lack of a better word) is obviously going to vary from person to person. I think some apprehension is normal, because you and your hubby need to be aware that the reality might not be as good as the fantasy. Or it might be even better.

For me, making sure that my hubby and I had established ground rules with our potential partners helped me feel more ready.

However, the reality wasn't as good as the fantasy. YMMV.

Good luck.

 

[jerryjakes01]

It's a fantasy of mine to see my wife pleasured by another guy too. I just recently introduced the scene to the bedroom and the sex has been freaking unbelievable. The thought of her riding another guy and loving it, just gets me all worked up. Maybe one day. Or maybe we might see you out some time!

 

[Stefani]

A word of caution...

Fantasy and reality can be quite different.

It might be fun to imagine another man making love to you while your husband watches - but you may find that in reality, when people's emotions get involved, it's an entirely different scenario.

Threesomes are fun, but can get very complicated. All it takes is for your husband to see you having a little too much fun, and he could get jealous. Or you may find that you enjoy some other guy more than your husband - and it has a dramatic effect on your marriage.

Be careful.

 

[vanelane]

We're exploring these possibilities now. My original fantasy was just one other man with me and my husband, but as we've talked about it, and his comfort level, we're now looking at meeting with other couples. We live in a large city, so the swinger websites have given us a lot of opportunity to explore the possibilities. We're exchanging a lot of messages and emails and pictures with other couples, and making arrangements to meet some of them. I do realize reality may not measure up to fantasy, but the journey is certainly fun! One of the reasons for couples only, and we want only happily married couples, is to minimize the possibilities of emotions causing hurt feelings.

Hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[TBKahuna123]

There's been quite a bit of discussion here of late on this very subject. Stefani said it best, sometimes fantasy is better than the reality. There's a real danger zone here and it is something not to rush into.

You have to forget about how hot it sounds and consider all the negatives, all the bad things that might happen. If you can find resolutions, ways to deal with all those negatives, then pursue the positives. If you or your partner though has any reservations about any of the negative possibilities, than you are putting your marriage at risk. Don't get discouraged if you find it's not for you to act upon. it's still a hot fucking fantasy, right?

Now I'm not advocating or disparaging this at all, just laying out the hard fact. MY wife and I, though not really interested in this, have discussed it. There are things that both of us have issues with and possibilities that we just couldn't live or work through. That's how we know this isn't for us. There are plenty of ccouples though that have had wonderful experiences, but they all have one thing in common. They talk it through and are 100% sure going in. That's the key right there.