Fantasy.... Should they be lived out?

[Graywolf0979]

This is a debate between my wife and I. Should you live out a sexual fantasy? She dose not think so. Not even in role play, which she says makes her feel stupid. I think it adds spice to the relationship. What Are your thoughts? Any advice?

 

[starider07]

Hhmm

I think each has it's own merits, and each should be judged according. I really think that many should be lived out. Otherwise you may always live wondering why you did not do it and miss the chance. Then again, many should stay a fantasy. This can only be determined jointly between you two, Each giving and taking.
Sex is a wonderful thing that we've been gifted with the ability to do for shear pleasure, as well as reproduction. Why would we not want to explore it? Why not expand our limits?
We were given taste buds so to enjoy the many different foods available to us and we all do enjoy a wide variety. Why should sex be any different?

 

[Graywolf0979]

I think each has it's own merits, and each should be judged according. I really think that many should be lived out. Otherwise you may always live wondering why you did not do it and miss the chance. Then again, many should stay a fantasy. This can only be determined jointly between you two, Each giving and taking.
Sex is a wonderful thing that we've been gifted with the ability to do for shear pleasure, as well as reproduction. Why would we not want to explore it? Why not expand our limits?
We were given taste buds so to enjoy the many different foods available to us and we all do enjoy a wide variety. Why should sex be any different?

I agree. She has some great fantasies and tells them to me... But then that is it. No role play.... She is bland vanilla, and apparently unwilling to try different flavors.

Your food analagy was perfect. I am at the tail end of a military career where I have been all over the world and pride myself on trying new things. It is a good thing there is mor than sex to our relationship... But damn.....

 

[maxshela]

Fantasy

Some should if you they can be. Many of mine are impossible, I can't become a teen again. Others would land me in jail.

 

[Graywolf0979]

Some should if you they can be. Many of mine are impossible, I can't become a teen again. Others would land me in jail.

True. All hers are legal. The ones that she seems willing to live out and the ones she is not willing to live out seem flipped around. She wants me to be with another woman and tell her all about it and maybe watch... But will not go to a strip club for lap dances..... It seems backwards to me....

 

[strapon_tales]

Within reason, yes. Anything illegal, obviously, should remain a fantasy.

 

[Beck31]

fantasy

Within reason, yes. Anything illegal, obviously, should remain a fantasy.

I have to agree with Strapon_Tales.

 

[creampieluvr79]

This is a debate between my wife and I. Should you live out a sexual fantasy? She dose not think so. Not even in role play, which she says makes her feel stupid. I think it adds spice to the relationship. What Are your thoughts? Any advice?

I think it depends on the fantasy and the comfort level of you and your partner. In the early days of our time together, my wife and I were rather tame in the fantasies we admitted to, my wife especially was nervous and felt silly discussing some of the things that got her going. It took some time but we finally got to the point where we would usually act them out though and enjoyed them but it depended on the fantasy.

The longer we've been together, the more fantasies we've discussed. We've brought a majority of them to reality or at least "roll play" but there are a few that honestly didn't work out. That's not the end of the world when that happens but we felt it was worth a try. There are even a few fantasies that we never have and probably never will act out because it happens to be a turn-off for one or the other of us. There have been a few of those for both my wife and I.

If it's really that important to you, try to tell her that it's important to you and why. Try to remember that in all this, she is your partner and if in the end she still feels "silly" or "stupid" two things that tend to be a turn-off, then it's best not to force it. Focus on the other things you can enjoy in your sex life together and try not to worry about what is just not in the cards... Pushing for something she may have already expressed that she is not comfortable doing may just put a strain your relationship.

 

[DarkRefuge]

I am really very unsure about this. I have actually given a lot of thought to it.

On one hand there is the fact that a fantasy is conjured with hope that it will be transformed to reality. One cannot deny that basic fact.

On the other hand, a fantasy in real life cannot be a fantasy anymore. And it can never be as perfect as the fantasy. Which means the translation to real life will actually ruin the fantasy.

Hard to take a pick!

 

[creampieluvr79]

I am really very unsure about this. I have actually given a lot of thought to it.

On one hand there is the fact that a fantasy is conjured with hope that it will be transformed to reality. One cannot deny that basic fact.

On the other hand, a fantasy in real life cannot be a fantasy anymore. And it can never be as perfect as the fantasy. Which means the translation to real life will actually ruin the fantasy.

Hard to take a pick!

There have been a couple that my wife and I tried where the fantasy did not live up to the hopes, at least for us but there were also some that far surpassed both of our expectations, where we both really enjoyed the experience, even the partner who may have never considered or thought about the fantasy before.

 

[DarkRefuge]

Did you try roleplays or toyed with different 'techniques'?

 

[mrsemily]

I think it depends on the fantasy obviously some things can never be done and it can be fun to keep them as a fantasy but it is healthy to take the next step and slowly bring the reachable fantasy into reality which will probably make you both happier and satisfied

 

[creampieluvr79]

Did you try roleplays or toyed with different 'techniques'?

Honestly a mix of both. Some of the fantasies we were just able to really do not just "act out" especially a lot of the "fantasies" we discussed earlier in our relationship as they were more tame.

Some of our other fantasies we chose to do as more of a "roll-play" as we weren't (and still aren't) sure we'd like the reality. It seemed to be more of the ones that were more of a "roll-play" that still didn't work out as well but some of them worked out really well and we've repeated or added to them.

 

[DarkRefuge]

I think it depends on the fantasy obviously some things can never be done and it can be fun to keep them as a fantasy but it is healthy to take the next step and slowly bring the reachable fantasy into reality which will probably make you both happier and satisfied

I guess if you have fantasies with minute fetish-oriented details, then it will be wise not to try them out. All of those 'criteria' can never be fulfilled. The broad ones can be tried of course.

 

[creampieluvr79]

I guess if you have fantasies with minute fetish-oriented details, then it will be wise not to try them out. All of those 'criteria' can never be fulfilled. The broad ones can be tried of course.

I've read about people who've had fully scripted roll-play sessions. That's a bit much for us, I especially think it takes all the spontaneity and a lot of the fun out of the experience. We've had the best luck when we've started with just an overall idea of what we'd like to do (and especially what we don't want to do) in a roll-play session and then we just let ourselves get lost in the experience.

 

[DarkRefuge]

I've read about people who've had fully scripted roll-play sessions. That's a bit much for us, I especially think it takes all the spontaneity and a lot of the fun out of the experience. We've had the best luck when we've started with just an overall idea of what we'd like to do (and especially what we don't want to do) in a roll-play session and then we just let ourselves get lost in the experience.

Completely agree. You can't have them scripted. You just need to discover things as you go along.