Fantasy or Fetish?

[save_marla]

How do you know when your fantasy has crossed the line and become a fetish?

I have several recurring themes when I'm on a mission to achieve solitary pleasure, and certain ideas I know I can count on to reach orgasm. I also tend to be more interested in these themes when I look at pics/movies or read erotica.

I am fortunate enough to be involved in a lifestyle which allows me to openly express and realize these fantasies, and I do get as much or more pleasure out of the real thing as I do the fantasy. But I have not explored all of my darkest fantasies, and I'm finding myself a bit obsessively excited about trying them, now that I know it's a possibility.

On the other hand, I am just as often turned on by ideas and situations which might never have occurred to me as sexy, and reach orgasm watching, participating or reading about them. When I am being pleasured by a lover, I am unable to fantasize about anything, as I am so wrapped up in the physical pleasure, and the connection between the two of us, that there is no room for imagination.

I've heard a fetish described as a preoccupation with an item or an idea which is as blatantly sexual - something the person must have involved in order to be turned on, or achieve orgasm.

I would welcome any thoughts/opinions on the definition of a "fetish"...

 

[Shankara20]

I've heard a fetish described as a preoccupation with an item or an idea which is as blatantly sexual - something the person must have involved in order to be turned on, or achieve orgasm.

That is a definition used in psychology for a pathology, an obsession so strong that normal functions cannot happen because of it. Most around here define fetish is slightly less "need" based and more "I really really like it a lot". I love my panties, I wear them just about all the time. But I can choose to not wear them if I am going to play with the grandkids and roll around on the floor with them or going to the Dr's office for an exam. Here I might say I have a panty fetish, but my therapist would not say the same thing.

 

[Etoile]

Shankara absolutely totally wins hands down. Can we get this in the Library?

 

[save_marla]

Thank you, Shankara20. I like that point of view very much.

 

[Tuomas]

It's not a matter of liking a point of view DSM-IV defines fetish as what shankara said.

The thing about mental disorders is that we all have manifestations of them. In fact, not having certain traits associated with certain mental disorders is a disorder in itself.

For example, obsessive behavior. Being obsessed with something in such a manner that it stops you from having a normal life is a mental disorder. However, if normal people will "obsess" over things; their children, for example. Perfectionists, or people who are obsessed with keeping their rooms clean. That's normal. However, not being able to focus on something, and devote your energy towards it -i.e. the lack of "obsession"- is known as Atention Defficiency Disorder.

Colloquially, we use a lot of medical terms that are not used in their precise etymological form, and that can lead to a lot of confusion.

 

[Aeroil]

Colloquially, we use a lot of medical terms that are not used in their precise etymological form, and that can lead to a lot of confusion.

Medical terms, psychology terms, physics terms, science terms, math terms....

"Exponential" is a widely misused math term, for example, when people really mean geometric.
"Theory" is a hugely misued science term when people really mean hypothesis.

I could go on :3

 

[myinnerslut]

so we all agree... people missuse words all the time

and i love the definition you gave, shankara. it simplifies something that confuses so many.

 

[Tuomas]

Medical terms, psychology terms, physics terms, science terms, math terms....

"Exponential" is a widely misused math term, for example, when people really mean geometric.
"Theory" is a hugely misued science term when people really mean hypothesis.

I could go on :3

Scientific terms in general...

You know what is not widely missued? Garbage terms.

I guess it has to do with people trying to be smart, using complicated words for simple things. In other words... being human

 

[Etoile]

You know what is not widely missued? Garbage terms.

I say "butts" in the wrong context all the time. *smirks*

 

[Gisevius]

. But I have not explored all of my darkest fantasies, and I'm finding myself a bit obsessively excited about trying them, now that I know it's a possibility.
..
On the other hand, I am just as often turned on by ideas and situations which might never have occurred to me as sexy, and reach orgasm watching, participating or reading about them.
...
I would welcome any thoughts/opinions on the definition of a "fetish"...

Have you considered writing stories about them, these darkest fantasies? Fleshing them out?

Sometimes things have charm or allure until you attempt to put them into words-- words put down in a cogent and structured way. You may find release from the obsession; or you may truly realize that you have to evolve fantasy into real life, even if it might be very difficult.

There's few things worse than the private grief of obsession. Yet there are also few greater ecstatic liberations once they've been itched on real skin.

But I suspect you know this already, so let me validate your wish to move forward, no matter to where it may lead.

 

[save_marla]

I don't feel that it's 'private', or even, 'grief'...I am truly blessed to be in a relationship where I know that I can talk about my deepest feelings - on any subject - without fear that I will lose or weaken his love for me. He knows of my fantasies and interests, but I am unaccustomed to his fathomless acceptance, and am still shy, talking about them. He waits patiently for me to find my confidence, so that we can explore them together.

I'm working on it - shame is a hell of a killjoy - and while I'm giddy with excitement at the idea of living some of my fantasies, at the same time - I'm in no rush. I have the rest of my life with this amazing man, to bloom in the sunshine he has brought into my life.

To answer your question, I have written about some of the things that turn me on, and do find it exciting and fulfilling, but exploring them in reality is a whole new world, for me. The astonishing novelty of it is going to take a while to wear off.

 

[Aeroil]

Scientific terms in general...

You know what is not widely missued? Garbage terms.

I guess it has to do with people trying to be smart, using complicated words for simple things. In other words... being human

wa-hahaha.

That's a stupid thing to say >:3

Our world is not simple. Look at a drop of water through a microscope. Complexity is defined through perception. I see simple things often with a level of complexity far beyond what everyone else sees. Othertimes, I see with less....
I was in a computer lab, with another student, once. There were children's drawings up on the wall. Children's drawings? What about them? This other student had actually worked with young children for decades before she went back to college, she was able to tell me the approximate age of the child who drew every one of those pictures. "Oh, there's simple shapes in that one, probably a two year old. Starting to see actual objects in this picture, at least four years old." It was bloody crazy.
All that? out of a children's drawing? I see random crayon squiggles :3

 

[Etoile]

I was in a computer lab, with another student, once. There were children's drawings up on the wall. Children's drawings? What about them? This other student had actually worked with young children for decades before she went back to college, she was able to tell me the approximate age of the child who drew every one of those pictures. "Oh, there's simple shapes in that one, probably a two year old. Starting to see actual objects in this picture, at least four years old." It was bloody crazy.
All that? out of a children's drawing? I see random crayon squiggles :3

You're not questioning her analysis though, right? Just noting that you're not familiar with early childhood development?

 

[Aeroil]

You're not questioning her analysis though, right? Just noting that you're not familiar with early childhood development?

By no means am I doubting her analysis, I'm giving an example of how someone is able to find a level of complexity in a child's drawing that I cannot. Trying to enforce my "Complexity is based on perception" argument and make myself seem slightly less arrogant at teh saem time. :3

No, but I got that kind of stuff from my brother all the time and I'm perhaps a little sensitive to it.

"Miscreant? what kind of word is Miscreant? who talks like that? except maybe Shakespeare, he was a douchebag too." (actual quote)

 

[sexwhiledrving]

How do you know when your fantasy has crossed the line and become a fetish?

When it becomes much more fun.

 

[neonflux]

When it becomes much more fun.

he he he he he!

P.S., both my partners love feet and adore toe sucking, LOL

(I love pretending I'm a bi boy )

 

[Aeroil]

he he he he he!

P.S., both my partners love feet and adore toe sucking, LOL

(I love pretending I'm a bi boy )

Don't blame you, we're awesome :3