Fantasy life/Sex life correlation?

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[JAMESBJOHNSON]

When your bellys fulla steak do yuh think about eating?

 

[silverwhisper]

j queried:
when your sex life is really satisfying, do you also find yourself fantasizing and even masturbating more? it really seems to me that these would be indirectly correlated, but in my personal experience, that is not the case.

as a matter of fact, yes, i do. the more intimacy, the more i fantasize, etc.

...well, maybe not masturbate more, but i digress...

j queried:
concerns for me: for one, i feel like a fiend right now. but, also, my fantasies are nearly always about either of two real men, neither my husband. i'm worried that i'm going to call out one of their names in my sleep. thoughts? experiences?

i think the big question here is why are you fantasizing about them. sex in a dream is an expression of a desire for a more intimate but not sexual relationship or connection. is this an explanation for why?

ed

 

[Noor]

Hi Ed, long time!


Yes, when I am in lust, I tend to fantasize about bout things I want to do with them a lot. More sex, more lust, my fantasy, more sex...

Masturbating not so much, but I don't tend to do that much anyway, I prefer humans...

 

[Noor]

I believe I've read this is true, but I am curious about others' experiences. When your sex life is really satisfying, do you also find yourself fantasizing and even masturbating more? It really seems to me that these would be indirectly correlated, but in my personal experience, that is not the case.

Concerns for me: For one, I feel like a fiend right now. But, also, my fantasies are nearly always about either of two real men, neither my husband. I'm worried that I'm going to call out one of their names in my sleep. Thoughts? Experiences?

Don't use names, that is what honey, baby, sweetie are for... or change their names to your husbands.

 

[silverwhisper]

nice to see you too noor!

 

[pplwatching]

The pendulum has swung both ways in the almost 20 years of my marriage. There have been long sexual dry spells and times when we're really great sexually. Recently sex has swung back to very frequent and fantastic. We're having sex all of the time. There's a rhtyem to our sex life that moves from less to more. With respect to your question the more I get, the more I think about sex. The less I get, the more I think about sex but for different reasons. When sex is easy and fun, I find myself thinking about how great it is and wanting more and I fantasize about what we might do. When it's non existant I think about how unhappy I am and how much better our marriage could be if we were having sex and fantasize about things that seem exciting. When we're in the middle there's a comfort zone, There are stronger fantasies at the extremes and what seems like a stronger desire.

Concerns for me: For one, I feel like a fiend right now. But, also, my fantasies are nearly always about either of two real men, neither my husband. I'm worried that I'm going to call out one of their names in my sleep. Thoughts? Experiences?

In my experience and opinion, what you are experiencing is normal but it also can be a sign that it's time to step up your game. Is it possible that the two men in your fantasies represent the new, different, and exciting while your married life is comfortable, friendly, and sexually predictable? Being married a long time is a journey, but it can also slip into a routine that lacks spark and excitement. Your fantasies may represent a desire for something different.

If so, then I don't think "different" has to mean "different than my marriage". Earlier this year I found myself feeling like that. I wrote my wife a love letter in which I told her that I was feeling like we had slipped into the "friends with occasional benefits" routine and that I didn't like feeling that way. We're like every other married couple with kids ... kid obligations, work, comfortable routines, and everything else. I told her that I really wanted to find a way to reconnect and bring passion back into our marriage, including in the bedroom. At that point I felt like I was at least doing something about the situation, working to change things for the better, and thankfully she has been eager to help me find ways to make our marriage more vibrant. I don't know if that relates to you, but if the nature of your fantasies is bothering you then it might be something to explore.

 

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[jakereeder22]

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