Fantasy good, reality bad

[bejjinks]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

 

[mtsnowrider]

Find a guy who thinks like you and wants what you want. (Easy to say, I know)

 

[Terrylipstick]

It’s not easy. So many guys want to get right to the deed and when they’re finished, they want to cut out. I’ve been guilty of this more times than I care to admit to. But there are a few guys out there that I’ve connected with. There are so many flakes out there. You have to learn to be discriminating. Some guys ( me included sometimes) just want to suck a cock and get back on the road… or get their cock sucked and head back home to their wife. I met a guy, who turned into a very regular and long lasting hookup for me, sucking his cock in a bookstore gloryhole. We left there and went to a hotel room, got naked and messed around in bed until I came. When I did, I freaked out and made excuses and left. A year or so later I found him again on Craigslist and we’ve been hooking up ever since. The sex has only gotten better. We’ve had some hookups that were better than others and a few that have left the two of us gasping for air and totally spent. It’s part of the adventure. Best of luck to you. I hope you find a person to fulfill your wants and needs

 

[tristantrotsky]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

So very sad, such an unfortunate admission.
There is so much unhappiness and frustrated desires behind the apparent bragging and playful stories here on the Literotica Forum. But talking and sharing these things does help.
Thinking purely of the sex is maybe the wrong way of going about it. If you connect with a person, another human being that you can relate to, and where that is reciprocated, is a better place to begin. It's the caring and the consideration, thinking of your partner's pleasure rather than your own selfish needs, that is the path to good sexual harmony...
I wish and hope that you find the happiness you deserve...

 

[slipprywenwet]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

so, is it safe to assume that you jack off on your own from time to time AND does that satisfiy your expectations?

 

[bejjinks]

so, is it safe to assume that you jack off on your own from time to time AND does that satisfiy your expectations?

yes and no. It satisfies sexually but not emotionally.

 

[muycurioso]

ok, dont get mad. but, did someone do anything sexual to you when you were a child. Obviously it would have been non consensual on your part.

 

[bejjinks]

ok, dont get mad. but, did someone do anything sexual to you when you were a child. Obviously it would have been non consensual on your part.

Why would I get mad? Yes, I was raped as a child but I have already worked through that.

If you are going to blame that experience for my feelings, you would be wrong. Neglect had more of an impact on me then one single, isolated incident.

They once did a study where they wanted to figure out whether baby monkeys preferred mother's milk or mother's affection. So they put baby monkeys in cages with two artificial monkeys, one that provided milk and one that was covered in soft, warm fur. The baby monkeys didn't have any other monkeys with them. They just grew up in a world that was just two artificial mothers and one baby monkey.

After the experiment, when the monkeys were put back with all the other monkeys, the ones who had grown up with artificial mothers found each other, somehow recognized each other, and clung together, but they avoided all the other monkeys.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

Very sorry to hear that.

I've honestly had more disappointing experiences with people than positive ones, and maybe you and I are expecting too much.

Perhaps the solution is to relax and let things go, just enjoy the moment, or to find someone who's really compatible with your desires.

I think I was sometimes disappointed because I'm a fetishist who wants my fetishes fulfilled and help fulfill others' as well, not just have sex. Most people I met wanted a bang and that's it. Maybe that's the case with you too?

 

[bejjinks]

Very sorry to hear that.

I've honestly had more disappointing experiences with people than positive ones, and maybe you and I are expecting too much.

Perhaps the solution is to relax and let things go, just enjoy the moment, or to find someone who's really compatible with your desires.

I think I was sometimes disappointed because I'm a fetishist who wants my fetishes fulfilled and help fulfill others' as well, not just have sex. Most people I met wanted a bang and that's it. Maybe that's the case with you too?

No, I don't expect too much. The real problem I have is that I live in a red state and all the good guys fled to blue states.

 

[SPARTAN047]

No, I don't expect too much. The real problem I have is that I live in a red state and all the good guys fled to blue states.

That could be it, sure.

 

[bejjinks]

Let me begin by emphasizing I have absolutely no background that would qualify me to advise you, and I should probably keep my thoughts to myself. But I find it troubling that you would describe rape as an "isolated incident." Rape, any rape, is significant in the extreme and causes years, even decades of deep emotional suffering.

I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. If you don't know where to turn, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

If you have already sought professional help, find somebody else. Whomever that might have been, that person failed you by leaving you with the idea that your trauma was a mere isolated incident.

I spent years working through it. All I said was that I have worked through it. As far as a single, isolated incident, I was five and he was not family. He was a stranger who molested me and left town. I never saw him again. So yea, STFU. Do you think that most rape victims get raped multiple times? You are not qualified to talk. You should throw your thoughts in the garbage and get an education cause you're an idiot.

 

[mmarfox]

Just like any sexual partner, it’s about who you connect with. I’ve had partners that it seemed great in chat, but when we got to it in real life didn’t live up to expectations, and then others that it did. It’s all about finding the person who understands your desires and needs and meets them while also enjoying their own with you.

 

[curiousgolf]

Seems to me that the first thing you seek is an emotional connection. Do you have a hobby that you love and can get excited about that has nothing to do with sex? If not, try to find one. If yo are having a great time your enthusiasm might be contagious to others around you. They might also be having a great time. There might be a connection that can build and lead to meaningful sex. If you need a new hobby to try, I suggest looking at meetup.com. Good luck.

 

[Bearkat14]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

I’m all fantasy so far for sex with another man so I can’t say

 

[Eastradlad]

I’m all fantasy so far for sex with another man so I can’t say

Let's talk kat!

 

[ZacharyFagg]

Find a guy that you have good chemistry with. And don't judge by your first encounter. Ongoing things tend to be better, as you both relax and find out what each other likes. Random hookups can be great, or they can be really, really bad.

 

[cdstefi]

I can only speak to it in terms of straight relationships as far as the relationship part goes. I've had sex with guys but it's just been physical. But I'm twice married and both my wives have been best friends (it eventually wore off with the first, obvs but it was very good for a long time).

All I have is that friendship lasts. Just sex is done when you've cum. If you're serious about a relationship with a guy you need it to be about more than just sex. You need it to be fulfilling on every level.

 

[SissyBrandi19]

I have never had a sexual experience that I have enjoyed. I have been attracted to men my whole life and I have fantasized sexually about men my whole life but my actual experiences have all been bad, some worse than others. I was wondering if I could talk about that here to see if I could figure out how to have better experiences in reality.

My first time was after I got married. I did sex the proper way like a good Christian should. I managed to orgasm (which led to pregnancy) but the orgasm did not feel right. I can't describe what was so wrong about it but it felt more like being electrocuted than it did like being electrified if that makes any sense. Also, there was never any connection or chemistry between her and I. She wanted sex a lot and I obliged her a few times but she never seduced me. She never even tried. She just demanded and it didn't take long before I didn't want to do it anymore.

My first time with a man also lacked connection and chemistry. It was a one night stand where he got his rocks off and then kicked me out.

One of my experiences was very awkward because the guy expected me to know what I wanted but I hadn't had enough experience to know what I wanted. I know that I want to involve the whole body from the head to the feet but when I told him that, he said, "So your a foot fetishist." No, I am not a foot fetishist. If I'm anything, I'm a cock fetishist but I also want to kiss and hold hands and do other things besides focus on any one body part.

One guy kept repeating to me, "You can fuck me if you want to." I wanted him to shut up. Yea, maybe I would fuck him but I wanted to enjoy the foreplay, the connection and the chemistry. I did not want to merely insert tab A into slot B like a machine.

I've been with many guys but the closest I ever came to enjoying it was with K. He let me explore his chest for a while. But then suddenly he wanted to rush to orgasm. Then he got sleepy and asked me to stop touching him.

What do you think? What can I do to make it better?

Two words: Expectation Management.

 

[Phatfeet]

Two words: Expectation Management.

I agree. It is silly to expect other people to complete you in some way. Until you learn to live comfortably with yourself, you will never find contentment. I know that sounds like psychobabble, but it's not. Going around and trying to find contentment with sex by having the other person validate you, will only end in frustration.

Here is the big life secret no one will tell anyone else (but me).

No one cares about you

Everyone is dealing with something in their lives so a huge portion of themselves ends up being wrapped up in their own world and means to a happy end. It's not that they hope for your ill-end, they literally just do not care.

Even on this sub-forum it is common to hear the better parts of a sexual escapade, with people leaving off the bad. It just happens. You are giving a really good blowjob. Maintaining suction. No teeth. On your knees. Looking up at him continuously making eye contact. You might even be going really deep and then it happens. Even though you are at your depth-limit that you can comfortable take, he grabs your head and pulls you in deeper. It's not that what he was getting he did not like, its just this primal need to go deeper on him and he just gets that from you. It is easy to get upset, and easy to say, 'that is unjustified", but the truth is, he wants just a little more. Ultimately, I just have to take pleasure in what I am doing in giving the blowjob. If I got upset every time some guy took a little more than I was comfortable with, I would always be upset. I don't get mad at him. I don't blame him, it felt good, but he wanted it to feel better, so he did; my discomfort be damned.

And this is from someone who was abused to the point of being placed into a foster home. But, I cannot change how I grew up, where I grew up, what era I grew up in, or even my economic situation; all I can do is move beyond that and prove to myself (and others) my past is not going to send me to a particular destination.

Be malleable and not brittle.

Resentment is like swallowing a big charge of strychnine and expecting the person you loath, to die. Nope it just sours you.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I agree. It is silly to expect other people to complete you in some way. Until you learn to live comfortably with yourself, you will never find contentment. I know that sounds like psychobabble, but it's not. Going around and trying to find contentment with sex by having the other person validate you, will only end in frustration.

Here is the big life secret no one will tell anyone else (but me).

No one cares about you

Everyone is dealing with something in their lives so a huge portion of themselves ends up being wrapped up in their own world and means to a happy end. It's not that they hope for your ill-end, they literally just do not care.

Even on this sub-forum it is common to hear the better parts of a sexual escapade, with people leaving off the bad. It just happens. You are giving a really good blowjob. Maintaining suction. No teeth. On your knees. Looking up at him continuously making eye contact. You might even be going really deep and then it happens. Even though you are at your depth-limit that you can comfortable take, he grabs your head and pulls you in deeper. It's not that what he was getting he did not like, its just this primal need to go deeper on him and he just gets that from you. It is easy to get upset, and easy to say, 'that is unjustified", but the truth is, he wants just a little more. Ultimately, I just have to take pleasure in what I am doing in giving the blowjob. If I got upset every time some guy took a little more than I was comfortable with, I would always be upset. I don't get mad at him. I don't blame him, it felt good, but he wanted it to feel better, so he did; my discomfort be damned.

And this is from someone who was abused to the point of being placed into a foster home. But, I cannot change how I grew up, where I grew up, what era I grew up in, or even my economic situation; all I can do is move beyond that and prove to myself (and others) my past is not going to send me to a particular destination.

Be malleable and not brittle.

Resentment is like swallowing a big charge of strychnine and expecting the person you loath, to die. Nope it just sours you.

This is very true.

The ironic and hypocritical side of this is that humans consider their own lives to be much more important that everyone else including world leaders, spiritual leaders and peace activists put together.

That's why they're so shocked when they need help and no one gives the tiniest rat's patootie about them when they're in trouble.

Men in power step over other men to the top, and then they're shocked when other men laugh at their downfall when they're in trouble. Even women are only with them for their power, protection and money. Some of the rare good women will probably look forward to their downfall because they were mistreated by those men. Then they ironically complain that men don't support other men, when they were hypocritical about kicking other men out of their parties or frats for not being popular jocks. They're brainless morons and deserve every bit of what they get.

Women become queen bees, lord it over other women, order them around, mistreat and look down upon some 'beta' or 'weak' men, use them, mock them for helping them and being good to them, and let 'alpha' dbags and aholes use and abuse them. When their looks fade or they get replaced with the younger, sexier queen bee, they behave like typical hypocrites and whine about pdfilia or how all the guys their age are losers hitting on younger women. But they hate losers hitting on them at any age. They're also utter bitches and deserve to die alone without anyone.

The last paragraph is perfect, I read it in a monster girl story as 'holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die'.

I fully agree with this sentiment, you shouldn't hold on to anger when you feel angry at someone.

Poison them and let them die, when the perpetrator is gone, you won't have a reason to be angry anymore.

 

[richgo50]

Just my two cents if I may. It seems to me that you should get to know someone for a while and get comfortable with that person first before you get to the sex part. It also sounds like you enjoy a lot of foreplay. For me foreplay is more enjoyable than just getting a blow job. Enjoying each other's bodies for a while can be very gratifying and a big turn on for both of you. You seem to need an emotional connection first and that might lead to more enjoyable sex. Just my own observation and I mean no insults towards you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[mtsnowrider]

Just my two cents if I may. It seems to me that you should get to know someone for a while and get comfortable with that person first before you get to the sex part. It also sounds like you enjoy a lot of foreplay. For me foreplay is more enjoyable than just getting a blow job. Enjoying each other's bodies for a while can be very gratifying and a big turn on for both of you. You seem to need an emotional connection first and that might lead to more enjoyable sex. Just my own observation and I mean no insults towards you. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Great advice. Some if us are just not comfortable with the hook up culture. Don't find it exciting or fulfilling just anxiety producing and empty. Finding another man who you like , can talk to and who becomes a friend definitely enhances the "benefit" aspects when it goes there.
Easy to say, not always easy to do

 

[SPARTAN047]

Completely agree, the hook up culture is not for everyone. Don't do it if you don't like it.

I find it exciting. I also figured I have to sort of hook up sometimes to stay afloat with the competition. If you won't do it, someone sluttier will.

I'm slutty enough but I'll admit it's hypocritical — I don't want a slutty partner who exposes themselves to everyone like public property. If you're too prudish you won't be noticed though, and you'll watch your crushes or potential partners be taken away and used by someone sluttier.

 

[SissyBrandi19]

I agree. It is silly to expect other people to complete you in some way. Until you learn to live comfortably with yourself, you will never find contentment. I know that sounds like psychobabble, but it's not. Going around and trying to find contentment with sex by having the other person validate you, will only end in frustration.

Here is the big life secret no one will tell anyone else (but me).

No one cares about you

Everyone is dealing with something in their lives so a huge portion of themselves ends up being wrapped up in their own world and means to a happy end. It's not that they hope for your ill-end, they literally just do not care.

Even on this sub-forum it is common to hear the better parts of a sexual escapade, with people leaving off the bad. It just happens. You are giving a really good blowjob. Maintaining suction. No teeth. On your knees. Looking up at him continuously making eye contact. You might even be going really deep and then it happens. Even though you are at your depth-limit that you can comfortable take, he grabs your head and pulls you in deeper. It's not that what he was getting he did not like, its just this primal need to go deeper on him and he just gets that from you. It is easy to get upset, and easy to say, 'that is unjustified", but the truth is, he wants just a little more. Ultimately, I just have to take pleasure in what I am doing in giving the blowjob. If I got upset every time some guy took a little more than I was comfortable with, I would always be upset. I don't get mad at him. I don't blame him, it felt good, but he wanted it to feel better, so he did; my discomfort be damned.

And this is from someone who was abused to the point of being placed into a foster home. But, I cannot change how I grew up, where I grew up, what era I grew up in, or even my economic situation; all I can do is move beyond that and prove to myself (and others) my past is not going to send me to a particular destination.

Be malleable and not brittle.

Resentment is like swallowing a big charge of strychnine and expecting the person you loath, to die. Nope it just sours you.

Yep. If you're spending mental energy being upset at a person for something in the past (and it's ALL in the past) consider this: How much of THEIR energy is going to YOU? None. Maybe some but you can't know so you must assume none. So why is that person worth YOUR energy and you're not worth THEIRS? It's good to go over past events to gain a learning but otherwise? It's just rumination.