False emotions, false experience.

[wildhate]

Forgive me, yet again, for barging into your territory with my meaningless questions...but this is a quick one

What is the sense of pretending to be scared, nervous, riled up, angry and humiliated when you could just be all of those things?

Forgive me as well, if I am just the community idiot, but as I was reading through some of these threads, I got an underlying sense that some of you were constantly searching for ways to heighten the experience....what better way to do that and throw someone off kilter and rock their world than if all of those emotions were real.

If I am way off base, please feel free to attack.

 

[nymphee]

For most people I think they are real, it's just a safer way of reproducing them. Just because you have a safeword and can get out at any moment, doesn't mean that you're not still frightened, or humiliated, or nervous. The problem is with what you seem to be hinting at- ie, "if you really want to be scared, why not put yourself in a genuinely dangerous situation?" is that it is not likely to turn out the way you want.

 

[Netzach]

What is the sense of watching the Godfather when you could go out, sell drugs, intimidate business owners, kill people, and go to jail?

What's the point of reading Anna Karenina when you can just jump under the A train?

 

[wildhate]

It just seems like an awful lot of time is spent reproducing these feelings. Doesnt there ever reach a point where it becomes a tad stale and the feelings feel a bit forced? Or is that about the time when the routine gets switched?

I am genuinely curious about this and quite obviously I am not suggesting that someone go flirt with death, I am just merely questioning the emotional aspect of it all.

 

[wildhate]

Just because you have a safeword and can get out at any moment

Good point, nymphee...however, is there ever a time when you (anyone can answer this) pushed the limit, just to see what would happen? What if you took it one step further? What would happen? Arent you supposed to be a little bizarre and outrageous in that aspect? Wouldnt that heighten the fear, humility, nervousness and anger all the more?

Im just asking.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, one size does not fit all. For us there is no pretence, if it isn't real we are bored...probably why we never can get into the idea of bothering with role play...for others it is how they [refer it and that is OK too, just not for me.

Catalina

 

[controllinghand]

is there ever a time when you (anyone can answer this) pushed the limit, just to see what would happen? What if you took it one step further? What would happen? Arent you supposed to be a little bizarre and outrageous in that aspect? Wouldnt that heighten the fear, humility, nervousness and anger all the more?

Are you talking about pushing the limit once the safeword has been invoked? No responsible dominant would do that, ever, especially "just to see what would happen"! It's abusive, a grave violation of trust.

Or are you talking about pushing limits within the framework of consensual play? That's part of what's rewarding and mind-opening about D/s relationships, discovering that the boundaries of the pleasurable aren't fixed, but are capable of being enlarged. In other words, what "the limit" is isn't a fixed thing; it changes over the course of a relationship, or even from day to day depending on the tastes and moods of the people involved.

 

[nymphee]

There is a difference between pushing a limit and violating someones trust. For me, I'm all for pushing limits, as long as I agree to whatever it is- just because I know I agreed to let him do whatever, doesn't mean I'm not still as scared as hell about it. However, milord knows that if I were to safeword him and he didn't stop, I would leave, (the moment I was able) this kind of violation of trust is tantamount to abuse in either of our oppinions. However, as I said before, the fact that I know I can make a scene stop if I need to doesn't make me less scared, it just allows me to enjoy the fear I'm feeling, knowing that I can make it stop if it gets to much. It doesn't change the emotions, it just stops them from taking you over.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Forgive me, yet again, for barging into your territory with my meaningless questions...but this is a quick one

What is the sense of pretending to be scared, nervous, riled up, angry and humiliated when you could just be all of those things?

Forgive me as well, if I am just the community idiot, but as I was reading through some of these threads, I got an underlying sense that some of you were constantly searching for ways to heighten the experience....what better way to do that and throw someone off kilter and rock their world than if all of those emotions were real.

If I am way off base, please feel free to attack.

i don't know that everyone into bdsm feels scared or nervous. I for one actually look forward to getting hurt and humiliated.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Forgive me, yet again, for barging into your territory with my meaningless questions...but this is a quick one

What is the sense of pretending to be scared, nervous, riled up, angry and humiliated when you could just be all of those things?

Forgive me as well, if I am just the community idiot, but as I was reading through some of these threads, I got an underlying sense that some of you were constantly searching for ways to heighten the experience....what better way to do that and throw someone off kilter and rock their world than if all of those emotions were real.

If I am way off base, please feel free to attack.

Let's begin with this... who is 'pretending to be scared, nervous, riled up, angry and humiliated'? Where are you reading this?

And if they are pretending in order to heighten their experience, it's their boat to float. Not yours or mine. It sure sounds like you're alluding to role-play. Some people are into role-play and it's all cool with me, if that's their thing.

And some people are into fantasies.

This isn't a cookie-cutter world and everyone here is not a ginger snap. ;-)



Damn... sometimes I really tickle myself. LOL

 

[FurryFury]

I find these questions confusing. I'm not really sure what the questions are but the title of the thread brings up questions in my mind.

What is false?

Is there such a thing as false emotions really? Emotions felt are real IMO. Even if someone tries to tell you they are not valid. There are times when one needs to reign in emotions of course but that doesn't mean they weren't real.

Acting is another thing. Many people think that acting is wrong. That depends. If acting is to engage in deceit for a negative purpose perhaps. On the other hand there are many times in which I have been acting to teach myself how to be or do something I previously could not or did not know how to do.

What is a false experience? Aren't experiences also real unless they are perhaps imagined?

In BDSM, I don't generally fake anything. This is not an area in which I am very comfortable role playing though I enjoy role playing in other areas of my life.

As my husband and I are learning about one another and BDSM I have been known to exaggerate some responses to encourage him to do more or harder. This to me isn't being false. I've been careful to praise him a great deal as well.

Fury

 

[wildhate]

The jackals are closing in...


Relax. There was no right or wrong answer. This was all just aksed for a matter of curiosity and nothing more. This reply is not gauged at anyone in particular, neither. Just to those who felt slightly miffed enough to be disturbed enough to write.

As my husband and I are learning about one another and BDSM I have been know to exaggerate some responses to encourage him to do more or harder.

No, furry, you are quite right...this isnt false. In my opinion it is pure. That is what I am talking about, and you answered it perfectly.

I think everyone should push limits and press buttons.

 

[A Desert Rose]

The jackals are closing in...


Relax. There was no right or wrong answer. This was all just aksed for a matter of curiosity and nothing more. This reply is not gauged at anyone in particular, neither. Just to those who felt slightly miffed enough to be disturbed enough to write...QUOTE]

this is great!!! Good job on the baiting, doll.

But it only happens once to me. ;-)

 

[saw_man1]

False emotions, false experience.

If I am way off base, please feel free to attack.

The jackals are closing in...

Just to those who felt slightly miffed enough to be disturbed enough to write.

********

 

[FurryFury]

Let's begin with this... who is 'pretending to be scared, nervous, riled up, angry and humiliated'? Where are you reading this?

And if they are pretending in order to heighten their experience, it's their boat to float. Not yours or mine. It sure sounds like you're alluding to role-play. Some people are into role-play and it's all cool with me, if that's their thing.

And some people are into fantasies.

This isn't a cookie-cutter world and everyone here is not a ginger snap. ;-)



Damn... sometimes I really tickle myself. LOL

LOVE your words!

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

The jackals are closing in...


Relax. There was no right or wrong answer. This was all just aksed for a matter of curiosity and nothing more. This reply is not gauged at anyone in particular, neither. Just to those who felt slightly miffed enough to be disturbed enough to write.



No, furry, you are quite right...this isnt false. In my opinion it is pure. That is what I am talking about, and you answered it perfectly.

I think everyone should push limits and press buttons.

Score!

There is no right or wrong and yet I answered perfectly.

*buffs nails and *

Fury

 

[saw_man1]

Teachers Pet

Score!

There is no right or wrong and yet I answered perfectly.

*buffs nails and *

Fury

********

 

[Kajira Callista]

Score!

There is no right or wrong and yet I answered perfectly.

*buffs nails and *

Fury

And my sincere answer gets overlooked.

 

[A Desert Rose]

And my sincere answer gets overlooked.

You think you're special? LOL Everyone's sincere answer was overlooked.

Check again, dolly... it was all about baiting. She doesn't care about a sincere answer.

 

[FurryFury]

I bet you sat in the front of the class.

You'd lose that bet.

*L*

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

And my sincere answer gets overlooked.

That does suck. I liked your answer.

Fury

 

[shy slave]

Quote:
As my husband and I are learning about one another and BDSM I have been know to exaggerate some responses to encourage him to do more or harder.


If I am way off base, please feel free to attack.

In the post where you quote a person as saying they feel it necessary to exaggerate feelings, I read it and found it intensely sad.

He and I have discussed this more than once. In some4 sexual relationships it does happen that people exaggerate feelings or sensations in order to encourage a partner to the right spot. I have seen numerous articles in teen/women's magazines that advocate such a thing.

However, I see BDSM differently. It is a place where you don't have to do those things. If he wants to hurt me, my keeping quiet or screaming loudly has no effect.

He does what he does for as long as he wishes to, and I like it.

That is not to say he does not take my ability to receive pain into account, nor does it mean he ignores me. His awareness of me is heightened, the small tremor when a strike lands tells him if I am ok. The slight tensing of my back prior to anything happening tells him I am not relaxed. There is no need to fake anything. It is all there in front of him.

Any PYL who needs additional verbal help to figure out his way forward needs (in my opinion) a slap around the back of the head and more time watching and studying people before going near a pyl.

 

[Netzach]

Any PYL who needs additional verbal help to figure out his way forward needs (in my opinion) a slap around the back of the head and more time watching and studying people before going near a pyl.

Yeah, I read people well, but I'd need a lot of beatings in that regard then. Maybe you react consistently and predictably, but I've played with people who have minimal reaction, odd reaction, inconsistent reactions and there's no substitute for a mid-moment "Is there something I need to know about?"

Then again, I've played with people where the pre-scene negotiations are what we'd call negligible and a lot of people woud call insufficient. *shrugs* It all depends.

 

[FurryFury]

In the post where you quote a person as saying they feel it necessary to exaggerate feelings, I read it and found it intensely sad.

He and I have discussed this more than once. In some4 sexual relationships it does happen that people exaggerate feelings or sensations in order to encourage a partner to the right spot. I have seen numerous articles in teen/women's magazines that advocate such a thing.

However, I see BDSM differently. It is a place where you don't have to do those things. If he wants to hurt me, my keeping quiet or screaming loudly has no effect.

He does what he does for as long as he wishes to, and I like it.

That is not to say he does not take my ability to receive pain into account, nor does it mean he ignores me. His awareness of me is heightened, the small tremor when a strike lands tells him if I am ok. The slight tensing of my back prior to anything happening tells him I am not relaxed. There is no need to fake anything. It is all there in front of him.

Any PYL who needs additional verbal help to figure out his way forward needs (in my opinion) a slap around the back of the head and more time watching and studying people before going near a pyl.

I was the one who wrote that. I can't say I thought it through when I exaggerated my response to a rather pathetic pseudo spanking, his first attempt. My reaction was exaggerated, partly from shock, partly to encourage. It was not a conscious decision to do that but I still think it was exaggerated and helpful to him. Since then we have been able to make real spankings a regular part of our lives. This has benefited us both a great deal IMO.

You have a luxury that I do not Shy Slave. You have a man who actually is a Dom, with whom you are involved in RL. That is a very different situation than I have. I'm happy for both of you.

I'm sorry you found my post so sad. I meant it to be merely part of a discussion, neither sad nor inauthentic but rather my honest experience as it might related to the original somewhat murky, questions.

*shrugs*

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Yeah, I read people well, but I'd need a lot of beatings in that regard then. Maybe you react consistently and predictably, but I've played with people who have minimal reaction, odd reaction, inconsistent reactions and there's no substitute for a mid-moment "Is there something I need to know about?"

Then again, I've played with people where the pre-scene negotiations are what we'd call negligible and a lot of people woud call insufficient. *shrugs* It all depends.

Perhaps I am wrong, but I read the sentence mentioned more as referring to someone who would not or could not move beyond what they were doing without being told to or given some means of persuasion from the pyl to do so. I think there are some who venture into SM with a lack of confidence which in turn cripples them and their activities if they cannot move beyond that, not to mention it robs the submissive in question of being able to honestly surrender themselves to their role in the exchange. By all means check if there is any doubt, but I agree with shy that if they need a sub to fake a reaction to move forward or feel comfortable, there are grounds for concern...for me it then becomes a situation of role playing more so than an honest and open SM exchange.

Catalina