Fakes...how to tell?

[SexcSami70]

Being a newbie here, can some one please tell me how to tell a real Dom, from a fake one. How do you know if isnt just some guy who just gets off, mistreating women. Also how will i know if they are right for me, is there some kind of connection? Are you supposed to fell some euphoric high....Or does it come with time, trust and understanding?

Hoping

"shake me, break me, take me over..."
Savage Garden

 

[chy_girl]

can some one please tell me how to tell a real Dom

You won't have to give him/her directions. That would be the first hint.

How do you know if isnt just some guy who just gets off, mistreating women.

1) Talk to him and then listen to your gut. After you do that, do it again. Repeat as necessary.
2) If you give him a hard boundary and he stomps over it then he's not a winner.

Also how will i know if they are right for me, is there some kind of connection?

Talk to them. You'll figure it out. Just be careful not to let your libido do you thinking. And go slow.

Are you supposed to fell some euphoric high....Or does it come with time, trust and understanding?

In my somewhat limited experience, the euphoric feeling can be lacking because of the wrong PYL (Dom/Master/Top/Bossy One), because you simply aren't that into it on a particular day, or because the scene doesn't float your boat. Again, in my experience, euphoria isn't always going to be there but some for of pleasure from pleasing the PYL will. And if the only thing you're left with is a sick feeling in your gut - have another conversation with your gut.


ETA: Go find the thread on the main BDSM board about sub-drop. Read it. Remember it.

 

[Dreamliner]

Being a newbie here, can some one please tell me how to tell a real Dom, from a fake one.

"shake me, break me, take me over..."
Savage Garden

I have not had cosmetic surgery as yet. Does that help?

 

[minx1]

Personally, I dont think there are any sure fire ways to protect yourself from fakes, wannabies or those who set out to deceive.
Sure there may be some obvious signs that would indicate if someone is merely playing at the role (bellowing I AM THE UNLIMATE DOM OF ALL TIME, for example would be a bit of a giveaway ), but as with any relationship, online or not, bdsm or vanilla...there are fakes and there will be those who are excellent deceivers.

If you are considering a relationship with someone, spend some times getting to know them. Ask questions about their thoughts and experiences, about their home set up. Talk to them about how they see Domination and submission and what the important aspects are to them.

Read the threads and get to know people.

Go with your gut instict and trust your judgement. Sometimes you will be right and as with anything, accept that there will be occassions when you may get it wrong.

Good luck

 

[YourCaptor]

Online you will find a lot of people playing games I think. That's not so much the case offline. However you will get a whole different set of problems, stuff you may already know. The who he said, they did, she said, etc. And you'll get dicks who want it this way, not that way, and then that guy over their ends up doing everything, bla bla bla.

Theirs no big mystery, its just more people being people. Find doms like you would find friends, or crushes, or lovers. And remember be nice, even if they have vampire teeth and wear plastic wrap socks. You don't have to agree but you do need to be civil.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I don't think there is a definite way to determine if someone is fake either. What may be fake to you may be someone else's fetish. The main thing is to go slow and know that you'll make mistakes. Someone may seem to be something they are not. Only time will reveal the contradictions.

Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. One of the best (and hardest) ways to learn is through mistakes and working through them.

 

[Betticus]

Be wary of anyone who won't meet you in public, won't meet your friends, insists that you put yourself into situations that are risky.

Communication is very important and a dom of any sort shouldn't be put off by realizing that trust has to be established and should respect your boundaries. He/She should also be willing to talk openly with you about what you both want.

Also, safe calls or having a friend with you when you meet at least until you know the person well enough to trust them is perfectly acceptable.

 

[ImOnIt]

Fake ones feel like a bag of sand

 

[sinnocence]

If he insists you call him Sir Master Lord of Thunder and Lightning.

 

[ImOnIt]

Sinnocence, how many more posts do I need to add 'Zeus' to my custom title?

 

[DVS]

Fakes can be difficult to see, but there are some signs.

 

[ZRT]

If he insists you call him Sir Master Lord of Thunder and Lightning.

...I accept 'Conan' for when brevity is desirable, does that make it better?

 

[Homburg]

Plumber crack. I heard it's a good sign of fakeness.

 

[ZRT]

Plumber crack. I heard it's a good sign of fakeness.

Some of my best dealers have been plumbers. It's the carpenters who usually cut the stuff with rat poison.

...wait, we're talking about something else altogether, right?

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Some of my best dealers have been plumbers. It's the carpenters who usually cut the stuff with rat poison.

...wait, we're talking about something else altogether, right?

Crack is wack!

 

[sinnocence]

Sinnocence, how many more posts do I need to add 'Zeus' to my custom title?

Approximately 700.

...I accept 'Conan' for when brevity is desirable, does that make it better?

Only if your full title is Sir Master Lord of the Barbarians.

 

[WriterDom]

If they don't have the Association of American Masters logo tattooed on their ass.

 

[ZRT]

Only if your full title is Sir Master Lord of the Barbarians.

'Sir Master Lord of the Barbarians of the Western Realms', actually. I'm not overly ambitious about these things.

 

[Keroin]

Look for the "Made in China" sticker.

Well, unless of course the PYL in question is Chinese. Then your guess is as good as mine.

 

[sb2009]

Those PYLs/pyls make in china break way to easily!

 

[ZRT]

Those PYLs/pyls make in china break way to easily!

Beg to differ. Chinese pyls can take a lot more of a pounding than you might think.

 

[rida]

Bite into it.

If it bends ... its fake


On a more serious note: it is not a question of "fake" or "real".

The right question is, as you put it:

How do you know if isnt just some guy who just gets off, mistreating women.

Ask question and listen to the answers. Many red-flags for normal relationship are also red-flags for kinky ones, such as: do they blame all relationships failures to the ex? are they mean with no reason? Do they push too hurt into doing something you are not comfortable/ready? (the latest will happen in a D/s relationship, but only once trust has been established, not as a way to test your "submissiveness").

And trust your gut.

Also how will i know if they are right for me, is there some kind of connection? Are you supposed to fell some euphoric high....Or does it come with time, trust and understanding?

As for how will you know if they are right for you, after you have established that you both have the same life and relationship goal (play partners, life partners, etc), I'd say trust the "smell test". If the person smells good to you no matter what (even after a strenuous work out), there are good chances you are well matched.

The way you feel if there is a connection, depend on you. Chances are you are going to laugh at the same jokes, and feel that you understand each others words as if at time you are speaking from the same mind. However this is strictly personal and might be different for other people.

 

[Keroin]

Beg to differ. Chinese pyls can take a lot more of a pounding than you might think.

It is isn't the breakage that's the problem, it's the melamine and asbestos used as filler.

 

[ZRT]

It is isn't the breakage that's the problem, it's the melamine and asbestos used as filler.

Respirators make for sexy bondage wear.

So I'm told.