"Faerie Dance..."

[Ancient117331]

Here's the newest victim for the group...
should be on tomorrow's or the day after new list.

"Faerie Dance..."

I've seen the Faerie dance
by candlelight's flicker.
Gossamer wisps of shadow's flight
moving soundlessly this night.
Hither and yon - softly aglow
to music I might never know.

Voice just naturally hushed,
breath held tight -
so as not to disturb
nor halt the step
of gentle thought -
the Faerie's flight.

Around and round and around still more
rising lightly, falling sure -
only to slow til a single sight.
A gentle fragment - yet unbroken light,
the following eyes mistfully adore
touched by the touching -
full with the nothing,
the mind adrift in soft pixie glow.

The show but a moment's reverie,
a simple lifetime's eternity -
knowing it never was, nor were, nor will...
still - I saw the Faerie dance.

Chris Twyford
Ancient117331

 

[Rybka]

Poem Analysis

"Faerie Dance..."
Here's the newest victim for the group...
should be on tomorrow's or the day after new list.

Chris, Here is my suggested version of your poem. I like it over all, but I think that some changes might improve it.

"Faerie Dance..."

I've seen the Faerie dance
by candle's flicker.

Gossamer wisps of shadow's flight
moving soundlessly through the night.
Hither and yon - softly aglow
to music I may never know.

Voice just naturally hushed.


breath held tight -
nor halt the step
of gentle thought -
the Faerie flight. (O.K. I don't know how to
rewrite his one, but it needs some help.)

Around and round and around still more
rising lightly, falling sure -

only to slow 'til a single sight.
A gentle fragment - of unbroken light,
the following eyes mistfully adore
touched by the touching -
full with nothing more,
the mind adrift in soft Faerie flight.

The show but a moment's reverie,
a simple lifetime's eternity -
knowing it never was, nor were, nor will...

Yet still -

I saw the Faerie dance.




Regards,                       Rybka

 

[Ancient117331]

Rybka,

Rybka,

Thanks for your insightful suggestions... I've printed the revision
you suggest and am placing it and the original side-by-side to
compare the tone, flow, content intent, clarity, and overall
concept of vision.

Its a good way to spend an October's day.

Chris

 

[dragonhearted]

ahem

bump