Extended Author Notes for "Not Dating My Sister"

[8letters]

For quite some time, I’ve been reading I/T stories with the “Group Sex” tag. The hit rate for finding stories I enjoy seems higher for that tag than others. Literotica doesn’t provide any definition of its tags, but I consider “Group Sex” to be when at least two couples have sex in front of each other. I don’t consider threesomes “Group Sex” because they have very different social dynamics. Ditto for one guy-multiple women stories.

So I read the story Vegas Wedding, and I had an idea for a story. The story I had an idea for had little in common with “Vegas Wedding” other than four characters names, heights and descriptions. I sent the author of “Vegas Wedding” a PM asking permission to use his characters. He never replied. I changed the descriptions (but kept that Summer is “gorgeous”) and thought about changing the names. However, I don’t think there’s anything distinctive about names and eventually decided to keep them.

Vegas Wedding was published on 4/9/24. On 4/10, I sent TM the first scene of this story.

As for looks, Becky is supposed to look like a blond Sarah Michelle Gellar. Summer is supposed to look like a generic Playboy playmate.

This is a very complicated story and turned out quite a bit different than I originally envision, primarily because of feedback from my friend TM as he read my latest scene. Originally, Kevin was going to be Summer’s step-brother. TM said he thought it would be better if he was Summer’s brother. I wanted Kevin to haunted by the idea that he'd become a cheater like his dad who didn’t raise him, so I changed him to Summer’s half-brother.

On 4/16, I sent TM the sex scene at the end of Kevin and Becky’s first date. He wrote back:

(1) I enjoyed Becky calling herself "Mommy" in the previous make out session, but feel like it stopped working for this bit. I understand that she's role-playing, but having Matt's big sister call herself "Mommy" feels.....a little jarring, like it doesn't quite fit with their circumstances. What if she simply called herself "Big Sis"? I mean, this is an I/T story, and the reader is already expecting I/T, and I don't quite understand why Becky is calling herself "Mommy" here.

(2) Having Becky stop making out with Matt here while Summer stops making out with Kevin, and then switching partners, feels seriously discordant and out of place now that things have finally ramped up. I don't know about you, but if I were finally getting hot and heavy with a girl after all that buildup, I wouldn't be super interested in switching. I'd want to keep going! I feel like you could eliminate the entire middle of the partner switch, simply having Kevin and Summer completely lose themselves in each other once they start making out, and then Kevin carries Summer to her bedroom, sheepishly and apologetically telling Becky that he's spending the night with Summer, and that they can catch up the next day. Becky and Matt are stunned, but since they're having such a good time with each other Becky suggests that Matt come to her room to tuck her in, and then things go from there. The whole point of things ramping up is that passion takes over and the guy and girl lose a bit of control and need to keep going. Sure, Summer and Becky had a plan to start out with their siblings and then switch, but hey, sometimes plans change. Kevin has a great thing going with Summer, and I don't see him wanting to give it up that evening. Maybe they had some wine or cocktails with dinner? And this is an I/T story, so your readers want the I/T to start up.

I agreed that having Becky call herself “Big Sis” made more sense than “Mommy”. “Mommy” was actually kind of creepy. I did want Becky to have an excuse to be in charge during her sex scenes with Matt. #2 was harder for me to agree to. At this point, I envisioned the sex scenes to have switching every time. That would fit more of the “Group Sex” theme of the story. The final sex scene would be Matt coming in Summer and then coming in Becky. But after TM’s comment, I realized that there’d be the problem of having essentially the same sex scene back-to-back with the only difference being the girl Matt was fucking. After much sighing, I decided to agree with TM’s suggestion.

On 4/19, I sent TM the rewrite of the post-first date sex scene as well as

Once I had decided to make that change, I realized that opened other story edits to improve the story. I changed Matt’s discussion with Summer outside the restaurant to include Matt saying that if things had gone between Kevin and Becky as well as Summer had hoped, Kevin would cut her off. That made the make out scene much more dramatic with Summer making a move to make Kevin hers. Originally in that scene, Matt makes out with Becky during the movie while Kevin makes out with Summer. Once the movie is over, Matt makes out with Summer while Kevin makes out with Becky. Once the post-movie make out is done, Kevin and Summer go into her bedroom, and Kevin comes out and announces that Summer is sleeping with him that night. Becky is more rightfully pissed in the published version and more justified to “get even” by making out with Matt.

Another advantage of no longer swapping was that Saturday became the siblings night and Sunday became couples night. Each night then had a different feel whereas they would have been close to the same if I had followed my original plan. And I think more plausible.

 

[8letters]

On 4/23, I sent TM an email “Penultimate ‘Not Dating My Sister’”. This was the scene were Summer comes home early on a Wednesday and talks with Matt. It’s the set up for the group fuck. And TM didn’t like it at all. In what I sent him, Summer tells Matt that she tricked him into telling her the password for his PC, and she’s been snooping on his activity when she had the apartment to herself. By looking at his Google calendar, she figured out that it was Becky who had seen Steve at the restaurant and not Matt. She found his document on her, and she had intentionally been giving him more material to put into it. And then Summer tells Matt the proposal from her and Kevin:

“Great! Here’s what Kevin and I are proposing to you and Becky. Things that will stay the same - Kevin will remain Becky’s boyfriend, Saturday morning will remain their private time, Saturday night will remain siblings night, and Sunday night will remain couples night. The biggest change is that, in front of you and Becky, I will be Kevin’s girl; he’ll sleep with my every night and he’s the one I’ll kiss, hug, and hold hands with in the apartment. Becky will be your girl; you’ll go to bed together every night and you’ll be the one she kisses, hugs, and hold hands with in the apartment. You’ll be my boyfriend, and Wednesday afternoon will be our private time. And we’ll start making love. Next Saturday night, we’ll hold hands jump over the cliff together; making love with our sibling in front of the other siblings.”

“Wow! That’s quite the proposal. Why not you be exclusive with Kevin and I be exclusive with Becky?”

“When I said jumping over the cliff, I really meant it. We’re talking about you and me getting married and Kevin and Becky getting married not too far in the future. Kevin and I are ready for kids. Becky would have Kevin’s kids while I would have yours. So, in public, you’d be my husband. Probably all the time, you’d be the father of my kids. That’s only going to work if you love me.” Summer raised her hand. “Let me back up for a bit. After Steve cheated on me, I did a lot of reading on cheating, and one of the things I learned is that the mind makes you fall in love with who you’re fucking. You need to fuck me regularly so you’ll stay in love with me. And Kevin needs to fuck Becky regularly so she’ll stay in love with him. My hope is that someday, I’ll love both you and Kevin, but each differently. And that you’ll love me and Becky, but each differently.”

That all made sense. “Why not you have Kevin’s kids, and Becky have my kids? Birth defects.”

“Yes, but mainly because there’s so much genetic testing nowadays, and genetic testing is only going to become more common. What if our son’s wife wants our son and her to get genetic tests to see their ancestry? And then only my relatives would show up as being related to him.”

TM wrote back:

Not super excited about Summer's dual-marriage proposal to Matt. I don't see a woman splitting her loyalties between two men working out well. I understand that polyamory is a thing and has always been a thing, but my personal experience with women is that they don't love two men at once. I read that New York Times article on polyamory, and it gave me the heeby-jeebies: I think every woman interviewed in that article is lying through her teeth.....although some of that is admitted self-delusion.

To me, Summer should marry the man she's in love with, and that's obviously Kevin. Matt would have to be a complete fool to think otherwise, and a fool to think that Summer would give him a fair shake if they got married.

In my view, it would make far more sense for Summer to have Kevin's kids, and for Becky to have Matt's kids. Yes, genetic testing is a thing, but a child has zero control over what their parents did, and--assuming no obvious birth defects--having a spouse insist on genetic testing would be for myself an absolute deal-breaker. You marry the person, not the genetics.

I could see Summer and Becky setting up an outside framework to give the appearance of non-I/T marriage for both couples, but for everything else Summer should plan to marry the man she's in love with, and that's Kevin. Summer isn't in love with Matt, and her telling him all about what she found on his computer is.....creepy. My response to that would be to immediately insist that I have access to every single one of her secrets since she's already taken all of mine.

Maybe your other beta readers will give you different feedback, but I think Matt would be making an incredible mistake here in trusting Summer. And the other thing is that I don't think Matt trusts Kevin, either, which means he's not going to trust Becky with Kevin.

I think Matt needs Becky all to himself. And while Summer has great boobs, apart from that I don't really like her, and I suspect many other readers will feel likewise.

I was not happy with TM’s feedback. I thought long and hard about ignoring it and continuing with the story as I had originally envisioned it. But the more I thought it over, the more I decided that TM was right. Much rewriting ensued. I added the scene where Summer and Matt talk on the rocks in the park and moved a lot of the exposition to there. As I wrote to TM:

I think it works better for a number of reasons:
#1 It's not the massive data dump where Matt listens passively the whole time
#2 It's no longer the "Surprise - Kevin and I are in love and have these detailed plans". I've put things before this so it's clear that Summer loves Kevin, but there are problems in their relationship
#3 Summer being Matt's girlfriend is now something that comes up naturally and that they both agree to. Before it was just a piece of Summer's big plan
#4 I like the idea of Summer not thinking clearly after breaking up with Steve but is now thinking clearly when she wants to be Matt's girlfriend, but the invading Matt's privacy subplot was a lot of exposition that didn't make Summer look good (I didn't think it made her look that bad) and that didn't really advance the story. I've put her thinking more clearly now in another place where she tells Matt about her relationship with Kevin
#5 I think it makes Summer (and by implication Kevin) sound much more committed to the foursome

 

[8letters]

After I sent TM the rewrite of the Wednesday scene, he wrote back:

I'll stand by one of my earlier points: that you need an establishing scene before this one where Matt proves to Summer that he's worthy and not just some nice polite guy with good manners. Ideally where he rescues Summer from something or someone and demonstrates his strength in the face of adversity. Maybe Summer needs help buying a car and he takes her to the dealership and does all the negotiating while Kevin is off somewhere else pursuing his own agenda? Or maybe her bank is screwing her over and he helps her resolve her issues in-person with customer service?

That lead me to add the scene where Matt deals with the cable company for Summer and goes over to Steve’s to get the cable box.

I think all the rewrites led to Summer and Becky’s characters being more consistent. Summer is a sweet and affectionate person who also loves sex. Becky is the planner and the cautious one.

On 5/7, I sent the final sex scene to TM, where the sibling pairs make love for the first time. The next day, he wrote back:

This was really well written, and I enjoyed it. Sex is great, and the story makes sense and flows well.

It's almost ready....but I think you need just a little more sex. Like maybe you could take the last bit, "we talked and kissed for a while and then made love with her feet on my shoulder and then changed to missionary until I filled her again" and stretch it out into a longer sex scene on Becky's bed, maybe working in some of Becky's childhood artifacts from her room to emphasize that they're brother and sister. Maybe we meet Summer the following morning in the kitchen, and she looks like she's been fucked senseless by Kevin. I expect you're tired of writing and want to finish the story, and my advice would be that you're almost there, and you just need to add a little more sex.

I thought that one over. Actually, I saw a different problem in ending the story there - Matt hasn’t fucked his future wife. I could see a lot of readers feeling the story was incomplete without that. So by the next day, I had the idea of an epilogue set in the future.

I was exhausted at this point. I had thought I was done with the story and didn’t have the energy to write the additional scene. I really struggled to write it. I didn’t have much of the sex scene pictured in my head. I found on X a MFF threesome scene where both the women wear black corsets that I liked and used as a basis for how the girls were dressed. But it was very slow in pounding out the wordage. One thing I struggled with is that I’ve written a number of MFF threesomes where the girls are straight and, in each, I’ve had minimal FF action. On those stories, I’ve gotten a lot of comments from readers wishing I had done more FF action. So, I wanted to have more FF action, but I didn’t want Becky and Summer to suddenly become bisexual.

On 7/1, I sent the new final scene to TM. He enjoyed it a lot. Rough draft was in the can. Then it’s time for clean up. On 7/12, I sent the buffed up story to my editors. On 7/16, I sent the story to my beta-readers.