Explain to me....

[perks]

why a husband would choose to work on Valentine's day<when he usually has that scheduled day off> and take a different day off? He makes his own schedule.

Somebody, please explain this to me.

 

[Gilly Bean]

Maybe he has something special planned for the weekend? Never know what them hubby's have up thier sleeves.

 

[Bindii]

Because he doesn't see how important valentines day is to you, he doesn't know that it would hurt you to do this. To him its just another day.....

 

[Sorsha]

Maybe he doesnt realize its valentines day that day?
I hope thats it or else id start asking !!!

 

[jass1960]

oh dear.......

one of those threads with no right answer.

Maybe he has something really special planned for the evening..

maybe he hasn't realised that it is valantines day (my prefered option)

or maybe he doean't want to spend the day with you

 

[perks]

he usually doesn't have weekends off, and decided to schedule himself a sunday off. I said, so instead of taking valentine's day off with me, you took sunday off? He said....I guess so.

 

[Bindii]

Re: oh dear.......

one of those threads with no right answer.

Maybe he has something really special planned for the evening..

maybe he hasn't realised that it is valantines day (my prefered option)

or maybe he doean't want to spend the day with you

You nasty, nasty man!

Don't feel bad about your husband working that day...I bet when you asked him about it his stomach just dropped *insert 'Oh Fuck!' smiley here* It probably hadn't occured to him that it would matter.
How do you normally celebrate valentines day?

 

[jass1960]

he usually doesn't have weekends off, and decided to schedule himself a sunday off. I said, so instead of taking valentine's day off with me, you took sunday off? He said....I guess so.

oh dear.......take a lover!

 

[perks]

we used to celebrate holidays together....it seems in the past couple of years they've just dropped off to non-existent. Fucking christ, just let this thread die...I don't want to think about it anymore today.

 

[Bindii]

we used to celebrate holidays together....it seems in the past couple of years they've just dropped off to non-existent. Fucking christ, just let this thread die...I don't want to think about it anymore today.

Hey, its ok. He sounds as though he is starting to take you for granted, try having a talk with him - tell him how you feel. It just might help.

 

[perks]

I'm tired of hearing myself talk about things. I can't do all the work. I don't want to anymore. I'm just frustrated.

I really don't want to be a downer, here or there.....lol.

 

[Vinny]

V-day

For my last post of the day before work, I will address my dear friend perky. I am hoping and or thinking maybe he is telling you he is working this day when he actually is not and has something special planned for you. If this is the case, then it is just torture to you to not know the truth. If this is not what he is planning and he is actually working, then I extend a great big hug to you.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

I'm tired of hearing myself talk about things. I can't do all the work. I don't want to anymore. I'm just frustrated.

I really don't want to be a downer, here or there.....lol.

BIG HUGGS Perks!

At a time when I'm so happy, it bothers me so much to know someone as good as you is hurting.

http://www.virtualgreetings.com/hug3a.gif

 

[Andreina]

i can hear you there perky... my ex didnt even bother to get me a card last year because he said that valentine's day is cheezy (oh... and he went out with his mates in the evening).

I sincerely hope your husband has something special planned for you, or otherwise .... well, have you heard of Mrs Bobbit ?

 

[Hamletmaschine]

Sorry to see you so upset about this, darlin'. I don't know what yr. hubby may have up his sleeve, if anything, but at this point he hasn't really done anything wrong yet, has he? VD is still a week away. And the rule of habeas corpus hasn't been suspended yet, has it?

If a pattern is developing, then I agree with the others: talk to him and tell him how important these holidays are to you. (And don't get frustrated too much if you have to "remind" him a few times. He is a man, after all....)

Good luck, sweetie!

~H~

 

[perks]

god, I don't want to whine.

But, in order for you to understand the context. This is an ongoing thing. He took my birthday off unexpectedly this year...first time in 5 years. I was very excited, he went out with the boys. I didn't even get a card.

The last time I received a gift from him, was the day before we got married.

He's a good man. I am able to stay home and care for our daughter. I'm thankful for that. He's a good father.

There just isn't any *us*.

I've talked to him about it. I make things for him, buy things for him. Instead of thanking me. He gets mad at me because he thinks I'm doing it to rub it in his face that he didn't get me anything. So, I've stopped doing it. I have so much to give and I'm not allowed to do that either. It's stifling.

So, as far as him planning something for Valentine's day. yeah whatever. You guys keep dreaming, I'm done.

I just want it explained to me. Why it's okay to be in a relationship with someone and be void of connection. Why someone would think it's okay not to spend time with their other.

I'm not only hurt, I'm getting angry.

 

[Andreina]

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) perky


I know this sounds pathetic but this is all I have to offer at the moment. I hate feeling so helpless but at the moment I'd make you a big mug of hot chocolate, rub your back and have you talk about it (((((((((hugs))))))))


LittleD

 

[dangergirl]

There just isn't any *us*.

This may be a bad question but was there ever any *us*? Why did you marry him? There had to have been something that clicked with you, right? Can you go back and work on that part?

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Again, Perks, I am so sorry.

He's a good father, a good provider, but a shitty husband. Sounds as if he's doing his "duty" by providing for you and your child. Wife and husband should be an "us" every day of the year.

You deserve to be treated as special as you are! Only you can make the decisions as far as what you should do, but I'm glad you were able to open up about this with your friends here at Lit.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) perky


I know this sounds pathetic but this is all I have to offer at the moment. I hate feeling so helpless but at the moment I'd make you a big mug of hot chocolate, rub your back and have you talk about it (((((((((hugs))))))))


LittleD

DITTO!

Doesn't sound like whining to me, Perky. And I would like to give a serious answer to your question, rather than a pep talk, but I am not sure I understand it myself.

Yes, as a man, I will admit to forgetting my share birthdays and anniversaries and so forth on occasion. But to do it repeatedly--or always--is beyond my ken, I'm afraid.

I could hazard a few guesses, but that probably wouldn't help you or be fair to him.


,

~H~

 

[perks]

thanks you guys

I feel like a dork, airing the laundry like this. It's not me.

I'm frustrated. I've been trying so much. I even tried to let it go, and act like it didn't matter. Things just got worse.

I never thought it would be like this. We were the same person. It was so together, our connection.

I know I've changed, and I'd change back if I could. I just don't know how. I don't think I want to. I think I'm a better and stronger person for growing.

fucking christ, somebody tell me to shut up.

 

[JennyOmanHill]

Re: thanks you guys

I feel like a dork, airing the laundry like this. It's not me.
I'm frustrated. I've been trying so much. I even tried to let it go, and act like it didn't matter. Things just got worse.
I never thought it would be like this. We were the same person. It was so together, our connection.
I know I've changed, and I'd change back if I could. I just don't know how. I don't think I want to. I think I'm a better and stronger person for growing.
fucking christ, somebody tell me to shut up.

OK. Shut up!

Seriously, Perks... you shouldn't have to try THAT hard. It should be a mutual attempt, not one sided.

Everyone changes all the time; try NOT to want to go backwards though. Change only works if it grows forward. Maybe you've just reached this level before he has.

So many of us share your hurt and frustration. Maybe he's just not ready to move ahead. What a shame.

 

[Guest]

Awwwwwww perks, I know where your coming from. Maybe he did it because he forgot, or maybe he did it because he is a inconsiderate jerk . Who knows, but definately make it clear to him that in no way is this acceptable to you and that you do not want this to happen again. As for me and my hub, we hardlky ever celebrated anything, so it's no big surprise that we won;t be this year.........Hugggggggggggggs perky
Kat

 

[Kat-44]

Awwwwwww perks, I know where your coming from. Maybe he did it because he forgot, or maybe he did it because he is a inconsiderate jerk . Who knows, but definately make it clear to him that in no way is this acceptable to you and that you do not want this to happen again. As for me and my hub, we hardlky ever celebrated anything, so it's no big surprise that we won;t be this year.........Hugggggggggggggs perky
Kat

 

[perks]

Jenny & Kat,
gotta love my tubbers. Thankyou.

perks