Explain this to me

[y=mx+b]

Why is it that fantasy is more appealing than reality, even when both situations are similar.

For example, my wife can take a shower, walk upstairs with her robe loosely tied at the waist exposing all but the nipple of her breasts, and I feel nothing. But yet when I read of a similar situation in one of the stories here on Lit., I get turned on?

This isn't to say that I am not attracted to my wife, or that I am bored in our relationship, its just an observation.

It kind of makes me angry that reality doesn't grab me the same way fantasy does.

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[ExtacyCouple]

Because in fantasy you are not picturing your wife and it is the excitement of the unknown. And I agree.....it does not mean that you find your wife unattractive or boring, but she is very familar to you.

 

[y=mx+b]

Grass is always greener???

Well look who's here . Been a long time since I ran into you.

anyhow, it depresses me. I don't want to sound all "anti-porn" and all but I can't help but feel as if it has desensitized me some what.

 

[James G 5]

Because in fantasy you are not picturing your wife and it is the excitement of the unknown. And I agree.....it does not mean that you find your wife unattractive or boring, but she is very familar to you.

Got to go with EC on this one
I don't think you've been desensitized
But "familiarity breeds contempt"
Or at least a lack of response

 

[ChasingShadowsX]

Why is it that fantasy is more appealing than reality, even when both situations are similar.

For example, my wife can take a shower, walk upstairs with her robe loosely tied at the waist exposing all but the nipple of her breasts, and I feel nothing. But yet when I read of a similar situation in one of the stories here on Lit., I get turned on?

This isn't to say that I am not attracted to my wife, or that I am bored in our relationship, its just an observation.

It kind of makes me angry that reality doesn't grab me the same way fantasy does.

Because your fantasy is different to your reality. The trick is to not try and compare them, let your reality spark your fantasy.

 

[BlueSugar]

How about sneaking in on one of her showers... when was the last time ya had shower sex? Maybe it'll awaken a little something, and you'll enjoy the little things again

or write a story about her and all those things in the webporn/erotica and add in the things the two of you enjoy and love

 

[Bobmi357]

Real fantasys contain elements which may turn you on, but probably won't find in your day to day life. There is nothing to be ashamed of in having a fantasy which either doesn't include your spouse, or includes an act or acts which you know your spouse would not ordinarily agree to.

Some fantasys however are meant to be just that, fantasys, never to see the light of reality. Thats just the way it is, and most of the time we are able to keep our unfufillable fantasys out of our lives.

I think the other issue is we view a fantasy with a certain degree of tittlation. Its only after we turn a fantasy into reality that we realize that our idea of what the fantasy would be like rarely matches up with the reality. And in many instances, the reality turns out to be disappointing.

 

[ldlarry52]

When you are reading a fantasy story you are horny and want some sexual stimulation. When your wife just simply walks by in an open robe you are not necessarily horny. Also, you are used to seeing her this way there is nothing new.

Fantasy stories put real life on hold. All that exists in a fantasy story is the the fantasy. What ever other concerns of life you have in real life don't exist in a fantasy. You can totally immerse yourself into the fantasy.

In fantasies every thing works out perfect. The woman drops the rob at just the right moment, tells you she wants to be fucked, she starts having orgasms the moment you touch her and you are able to cum three times in an hour.

It's also mood. You may see your wife in an open robe and you are just not in a sexual mood. She could drop the robe and tell you to follow her up to the bedroom because she needs a good fucking and if your not in the mood you may not get all that excitied. In a fantasy store you go to one of those already excited.

Real life tends to get in the way of fantasy becoming reality.

LDLarry52

 

[wicked woman]

As an aside, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach said in 'Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with your Spouse' that a wife should hide her body from her husband except during sex so he didn't grow too accustomed to it. Might be something to that.

 

[y=mx+b]

As an aside, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach said in 'Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with your Spouse' that a wife should hide her body from her husband except during sex so he didn't grow too accustomed to it. Might be something to that.

See, thats the thing. There are many cultural/religious beliefs that say similar things. So there must be something behind delaying gratification, avoiding excessive sensuality, and pursuing a balanced lifestyle.

Do the dividens pay out in the end?


So far everone here is right,
The grass is greener on the other side.
When you look at porn you are already in that state of mind.
Fantasy does contain elements you don't find in everyday life.
Familiarity does breed contempt

But does this excuse the pursuit of fantasy to fulfill desire?

 

[PhilLusty]

Why is it that fantasy is more appealing than reality, even when both situations are similar.

For example, my wife can take a shower, walk upstairs with her robe loosely tied at the waist exposing all but the nipple of her breasts, and I feel nothing. But yet when I read of a similar situation in one of the stories here on Lit., I get turned on?

This isn't to say that I am not attracted to my wife, or that I am bored in our relationship, its just an observation.

It kind of makes me angry that reality doesn't grab me the same way fantasy does.

it all about the PURSUIT...... I know for me most of the fun is in the pursuit, when we obtain the desired thing it can be boring for some,
I would also say breasts showing them selves form her robe alway turns me on, but i do love breasts,

just my 2 cents

later

PHIL

 

[SexyChele]

Some great opinions here. I would say that, for me, the reason fantasy sometimes never equals reality is simple. In my fantasies I'm in control of how they start, how they continue, and their ultimate conclusion. In reality, unless your fantasy is only with yourself, another person(s) must comply with what is going on in your head. Not something that is easy to do unless everyone has a script. And how sexy is that!?!

As for stories, you might be surprised. Many times readers will start in on a story because they feel the genre should be a certain way. If the story doesn't flow as they feel (their ideal fantasy is not being conceived within the pages of the story), they often blame the author for not writing the story "right." This has happened to me a couple of times because I wrote twists into my stories. Those who were expecting some kind of formulaic accounting were always disappointing. So, even though the story might be something comprised in my own head, the reader still feels a certain amount of "control" over how the story "should be."

 

[James G 5]

See, thats the thing. There are many cultural/religious beliefs that say similar things. So there must be something behind delaying gratification, avoiding excessive sensuality, and pursuing a balanced lifestyle.

Do the dividens pay out in the end?


So far everone here is right,
The grass is greener on the other side.
When you look at porn you are already in that state of mind.
Fantasy does contain elements you don't find in everyday life.
Familiarity does breed contempt

But does this excuse the pursuit of fantasy to fulfill desire?

Most mental health & relationship counselors would agree that, as long as one does not turn exclusively to said fantasies, fantasy life is a healthy way to preserve & encourage desire.
You cannot stifle your fantasies, and even if you remove certain mediums that might inspire them, you will still generate them
The idea or argument of porn desensitizing & being somehow "evil" on account of it is a new twist on the old argument of adultery & lust in one's heart...porn generates these "evil" thoughts so it's "evil"
Delaying gratification and imparting mystery can help spur things in a LTR, but the idea of shutting everything away & veiling or cloaking it leads to a lot of negativity
The trick is finding a healthy balance, and unfortunately in our sex-negative neo-Calvinist society (and I am speaking primarly to fellow US types here) this balance is very hard to find

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[Bobmi357]

As for stories, you might be surprised. Many times readers will start in on a story because they feel the genre should be a certain way. If the story doesn't flow as they feel (their ideal fantasy is not being conceived within the pages of the story), they often blame the author for not writing the story "right." This has happened to me a couple of times because I wrote twists into my stories. Those who were expecting some kind of formulaic accounting were always disappointing. So, even though the story might be something comprised in my own head, the reader still feels a certain amount of "control" over how the story "should be."

LOL! Chele you've been peering into my brain again. The one and only erotic story I started on was because I felt that far too many of the stories lacked something.... namely a real plot and storyline. I never finished the story either, mostly because I found that trying to fit in the sex scenes didn't work all that well with the plot.

 

[ReadyOne]

That's no reason not to finish the story.

Porn is free.

Good short stories have been bought, published, and paid for!