Somber_whispers
Virgin
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I've been trying to persuade my fiancee to try anal, but the one time we tried she hated it the second i pushed in. Any advice?
Experimentation
- Thread starter Somber_whispers
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tealsphynx
It Goes Both Ways...
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See if she'll let you use a very lubed up finger or even a very slim vibrator first. I found if I'm feeling a little sensitive and it hurts a finger, then slowly 2 then 3 until i'm relaxed, then try with the dick. Also promise to be very gentle and slow. I'm not sure if it would work for her, but you could offer her to play with yours too, to let you feel what she's feeling.
TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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Sorry -- Double Post
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TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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Slow, and I do mean slow. Not minutes, not hours, but spend days, weeks or months working up to it. Start with a finger, just like they said, but maybe just a finger and not try to go any further. Be gentle and let her find the enjoyment of it. If you go too fast it hurts and she'll never let you. Exactly what they said above, but don't try to get all the way in one session.
The keys are gentle, slow, lots of lube (LOTS) and a little wine never hurts. Not saying get her drunk and take advantage of her, but some candlelight and some wine will help her relax, and THAT is the biggest barrier you will face.
It's all about making her feel safe so she can embrace the sensuality of the act.
The keys are gentle, slow, lots of lube (LOTS) and a little wine never hurts. Not saying get her drunk and take advantage of her, but some candlelight and some wine will help her relax, and THAT is the biggest barrier you will face.
It's all about making her feel safe so she can embrace the sensuality of the act.
bisexplicit
but i'm a lesbian
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Have you tried talking to her about why she doesn't want to do it? Is it just the pain? Does it gross her out? Is this something you think she really wants to do and just is nervous about - or something she is pretty dead set against?
If this is just something about how to make it all go easier and be less painful, than the advice above is great. If not, you need to communicate with her.
If this is just something about how to make it all go easier and be less painful, than the advice above is great.
If not, you need to communicate with her.
SweetErika
Fingers Crossed
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TBKahuna123 said:Slow, and I do mean slow. Not minutes, not hours, but spend days, weeks or months working up to it. Start with a finger, just like they said, but maybe just a finger and not try to go any further. Be gentle and let her find the enjoyment of it. If you go too fast it hurts and she'll never let you. Exactly what they said above, but don't try to get all the way in one session.
The keys are gentle, slow, lots of lube (LOTS) and a little wine never hurts. Not saying get her drunk and take advantage of her, but some candlelight and some wine will help her relax, and THAT is the biggest barrier you will face.
It's all about making her feel safe so she can embrace the sensuality of the act.
Yes, this is excellent advice.
We tried unsuccessfully many times over YEARS. Even with a lot of alcohol, I couldn't relax. In addition to TB's advice, the other thing that helped was reading up on everything together, and trying some different techniques and positions. There was no rush, and we agreed we had the rest of our lives to experiment and get it right (or not). I think going slow and learning together also fostered that extra amount of trust and relaxation I needed to get past the previous experiences and enjoy it. Clitoral stimulation during also helped immensely.
cmarlowe01
Really Experienced
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Lube her up and that should help.
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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can we just add a sticky somewhere to the top of the forum that says "communication is everything"?
this topic has been covered extensively, man. just a minute or two of searchiing will get you what you want.
ed
this topic has been covered extensively, man. just a minute or two of searchiing will get you what you want.
ed
Eilan
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That's not the point.biker75 said:
Not all newbies are like me, but when I come across a message board that I might want to participate in, I lurk to get a "feel" for the board instead of jumping right in with questions that may have have been done to death already. I guess it's just a little frustrating for some of the regulars to see the same topics come up over and over. However, the HT Board regulars are much more polite about addressing newbies who ask done-to-death questions than people I've encountered on other boards.
That's why the stickies were created, particularly The Blank Manual, which BlueSugar has put a lot of effort into. Why should all her effort go to waste?
Furthermore, some of the people who start threads dealing with issues of communication need to realize that it they have issues with their partner, telling US about it isn't going to help them a damn bit if they're not going to talk to the person they SHOULD be talking to.
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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biker, basically what i meant was as eilan explained it.
thank you, eilan. and to think, you did that w/ your suspect reading comprehension skills...if you ever get that addressed, you'd be a truly fearsome presence online...
ed
thank you, eilan. and to think, you did that w/ your suspect reading comprehension skills...if you ever get that addressed, you'd be a truly fearsome presence online...
ed
silverwhisper
just this guy, you know?
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biker: that's a fair point.
somber whispers: dig the handle. sorry about that. :>
ed
somber whispers: dig the handle. sorry about that. :>
ed
Eilan
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Geez! What's with the big words? I'll have to wait until my husband gets home from work so he can read this to me.silverwhisper said:
Keep in mind that my reading comprehension skills are notorious around here because of their nonexistence, but I didn't interpret silverwhisper's post as rude. Blunt or curt, perhaps, but not rude. I guess it's a good thing Somber_whispers didn't post this on the GB. He might appreciate our "rudeness" then.biker75 said:
Filling_KK
Experienced
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- Nov 18, 2004
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I can't stress enough that it may take time......and lots of it. I adore ass play and my wife was always skiddish about it. We've been together about six years and until recently we had anal sex only on rare occasions and she ws never extremely comfortable with it. There were times when I would see promise, she wasn't as opposed to it as previous times, but after a week or so, so was back to having the same attitude. I always teased her about anal sex, but never really pressured her about........EVER. I made sure she knew that this was important to me, but I didn't want her to feel pressure.
Then something happened. I have no idea what it was, but several months ago she became much more receptive to the idea and it is no a very regular part of our playtime. In fact, she often asks for it, asking me to put my cock in here ass. She almost always comments that she can't believe how opposed to this she once was.
It's taken time, but she is now a wonderful little anal queen and I'm not complaining! Best of luck.
Then something happened. I have no idea what it was, but several months ago she became much more receptive to the idea and it is no a very regular part of our playtime. In fact, she often asks for it, asking me to put my cock in here ass. She almost always comments that she can't believe how opposed to this she once was.
It's taken time, but she is now a wonderful little anal queen and I'm not complaining! Best of luck.
TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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SweetErika said:
Yep that really filled int all the things I forgot. The agreement that you have the rest of your lives is perfect!
Like I said, my wife has started to come around, realizing that she enjoys anal sitmulation. We were talking (well kinda, more like heavily breathign in each other's ears) a couple days ago and she admitted that she liked it, but she still wouldn't take my dick. She said it with a huge smile too so now I have undeniable proof that she's just holding out as a game. That's cool, it's kindof a fun game, to be honest. I told her that I knew I could seduce her into giving in, and said that yeah sooner or later she was gonna give in and let me. I told though that wasn't my true fantasy, I didn't want her to let me fuck her ass, I want her to ask me to fuck her ass. It's been a while since I've seen that much lust flash in her eyes.
She knows she's in control of the situation now, and I think that not only removes her fear, but gives her a feeling of control which removes any feelings of degredation that might be attached to it. Perhaps by getting her to start participating inthe exploration, and then turn over control to her, she'll be more excited.
TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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silverwhisper said:
That's why I added it to my sig line.
Her sissy slave
Really Experienced
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advice
r e l a x and lots of lube..and much much tenderness.
she has to know you really love her..it is a vital thing to have. she has to know she is a lady and not yesterday's meatloaf.
when she is ready, she will know.
otherwise..
she may want to practice with small dildoes too before,,so she can get herself ready, emotionally and physically.
Somber_whispers said:
r e l a x and lots of lube..and much much tenderness.
she has to know you really love her..it is a vital thing to have. she has to know she is a lady and not yesterday's meatloaf.
when she is ready, she will know.
otherwise..
she may want to practice with small dildoes too before,,so she can get herself ready, emotionally and physically.
BlueSugar
Faceted Sensualist
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2003
- Posts
- 7,608
along with being uncomfortable or painful ... its also a mind over matter.
I will say I have never particularly liked anal. Personally, at the right time and moment, even the mention of it makes me gag.
For me its completly mental... I just wont let myself like it or try it more then once a year or two.
You'll hear lube her, and stroke her clit and pussy ... but what about the rest of her, her mind.. the part of her body that is really active in the whole situation.
Try role playing or talking to her.
Try doing it sweetly as you can, really love her and what she is allowing to happen .. you love her, all of her .. feel her skin, stroke her hips and lips, the nape of her neck, her legs and ankles .. not just her clit, breasts and butthole
Or if you two like a little rougher sex at times, get a little possessive. "you may not like this, but i want to do this, you are mine and I am yours, trust me... because I'm taking you anyway I want anyway...I'm going to fuck you sensless tonight honey. You're going to come and come, you're going to wreck the sheets off the bed I'm going to make you come so hard ... we'll be on our knees, on our backs ... standing, sitting, in the shower , over the couch ... we're going to suck and fuck .. and when you're so so turned on, and I've got you right where I want you, when you'll do anything just to come that one more time ... I'm going to take you where I want you .. and we're going to love it together.."
Also ... it helps if you are totally into it and not skeeved out by anything, getting her more comfortable with her body and you being in love with her body and the act as well WILL help her mentally. Take a shower together, touch her there... soap up together.. stroke her, let her stroke you. Slip your soapy fingers down the small of her back and let them slip between her butt cheeks.
Clean each other.
Take it to the bedroom or where ever ... when you go down on her, let your fingers stray after shes turned on enough, let your tonge slip further ... maybe if she sees you're ok with EVERY inch of her body she can become more comfortable.
Just remember to stimulate her completly ... women love this. There is more to our bodies besides our pussys, breasts and lips.
Don't forget our minds, or other undrated soft places.
Edited:
No, the point of the Blank Manual was never to reduce conversation, or so people don't have to spend time searching improperly ... It was to help build community and to show everyone that us as an "armchair" community we can help and we do give good advice and support ... yes... there are some topics that are over done - but don't discourage it, and don't point them right away to the Manual ... ya'll remember your first posts
"will they hate me... will i bore them ... am I normal ...? "
keep that in mind please.
I will say I have never particularly liked anal. Personally, at the right time and moment, even the mention of it makes me gag.
For me its completly mental... I just wont let myself like it or try it more then once a year or two.
You'll hear lube her, and stroke her clit and pussy ... but what about the rest of her, her mind.. the part of her body that is really active in the whole situation.
Try role playing or talking to her.
Try doing it sweetly as you can, really love her and what she is allowing to happen .. you love her, all of her .. feel her skin, stroke her hips and lips, the nape of her neck, her legs and ankles .. not just her clit, breasts and butthole
Or if you two like a little rougher sex at times, get a little possessive. "you may not like this, but i want to do this, you are mine and I am yours, trust me... because I'm taking you anyway I want anyway...I'm going to fuck you sensless tonight honey. You're going to come and come, you're going to wreck the sheets off the bed I'm going to make you come so hard ... we'll be on our knees, on our backs ... standing, sitting, in the shower , over the couch ... we're going to suck and fuck .. and when you're so so turned on, and I've got you right where I want you, when you'll do anything just to come that one more time ... I'm going to take you where I want you .. and we're going to love it together.."
Also ... it helps if you are totally into it and not skeeved out by anything, getting her more comfortable with her body and you being in love with her body and the act as well WILL help her mentally. Take a shower together, touch her there... soap up together.. stroke her, let her stroke you. Slip your soapy fingers down the small of her back and let them slip between her butt cheeks.
Clean each other.
Take it to the bedroom or where ever ... when you go down on her, let your fingers stray after shes turned on enough, let your tonge slip further ... maybe if she sees you're ok with EVERY inch of her body she can become more comfortable.
Just remember to stimulate her completly ... women love this. There is more to our bodies besides our pussys, breasts and lips.
Don't forget our minds, or other undrated soft places.
Edited:
No, the point of the Blank Manual was never to reduce conversation, or so people don't have to spend time searching improperly ... It was to help build community and to show everyone that us as an "armchair" community we can help and we do give good advice and support ... yes... there are some topics that are over done - but don't discourage it, and don't point them right away to the Manual ... ya'll remember your first posts
"will they hate me... will i bore them ... am I normal ...? "
keep that in mind please.
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