Experiences with Pro-Dommes?

[eagerpuppy]

I'm a 20 year old student, with no real life experience of being a sub, but a burning curiosity and some online experience.

I would feel hugely embarassed about asking anyone I know to try and dominate me, and can't think of anyone who would be into that kind of thing anyway. Besides I think the impersonal aspect of a pro-domme would help things too.

I have thought about finding someone on Lit, or elsewhere, but I think that if I go pro, I can find someone who's willing to be all about my limits/interests.

I'm not into pain or anything, my limits are pretty tame by most standards.

So, I was wondering, has anyone here had an experience with a pro domme? What did they do? Did you enjoy it? And also, because I'm a student and pretty damn poor, how much did it cost?

Thanks,

Pup

 

[Netzach]

As a retired pro, my advice is to shop carefully, and take time shopping. You're not getting married, but if you don't have a strong like for the woman by the time your pants are coming down for the paddle, you will probably not have a good time. Do research, but also make sure you talk to the person.

If she expects you to grovel for so much as a phone number and every conversation feels like a scene, I know some guys love that - it's not useful though, I think, I'd move on fast. Yuck.

The negotiations should be friendly, mutually respectful. Respect her time, she should respect your need to feel comfortable and have questions answered.

Conversely, -don't bring an attitude when you shop. This is more like going to an MD or a shrink than burger king. You are hiring (if you hire right) a smart, experienced professional with some surprises at her disposal, a good read of human beings and creativity you don't want to stifle.

If you want to try ten different things sensation-wise, and you want a *good* session, be happy if you do three. If you have three that you *really* want make sure you communicate that, no one is psychic. Don't bug her to do anything she says she doesn't do - ever. You would not like it, she won't. If she says "no sex no manual manipulation, no oral contact, just no" on her site, don't be so stupid as to ask for these things.

You may or may not prefer an escort who does BD or fetish stuff. I have no real mileage with that world so have little to say, but I know that being a full service escort doesn't mean you're a moron or you can't possibly be a decent Dominant too - client horror stories came from that world but also the straight Domme world too, idiots are in all walks. You're also going out of the grey area of the legal world and into the darker grey, but shit, I think pot should be legal and taxed.

Rates vary by location. If it was my ass in question - I'd never personally have someone work me over SM wise for less than 250 for the session. I'd never have someone work me over in a less than mindblowingly complicated multi-hour scenario for more than 350.

 

[eagerpuppy]

Thanks very much. Although one question, are we talking pounds? dollars?

I've been in email contact with one domme, talking interests, limits, general questions that need answering. She's been very co-operative and understanding, especially to my warnings that I'm a complete novice.

I did phone one lady, who cut me off as the first question I asked was about price. I think perhaps some dommes automatically class anyone who's first concern is price as people that aren't serious and won't be worth the effort.

 

[Netzach]

Thanks very much. Although one question, are we talking pounds? dollars?

I've been in email contact with one domme, talking interests, limits, general questions that need answering. She's been very co-operative and understanding, especially to my warnings that I'm a complete novice.

I did phone one lady, who cut me off as the first question I asked was about price. I think perhaps some dommes automatically class anyone who's first concern is price as people that aren't serious and won't be worth the effort.

USD in my case, I have no idea what it is in the UK or mainland Europe these days.

I recommend getting on the phone for a brief chat, voice/intonation is good. But don't let it be overkill either. Close your deal or move on and gather data, you may come back to her.

 

[eagerpuppy]

Thanks again for the advice.

I'm just curious, how did you find being pro? And why did you stop? Sorry if I'm prying, but it interests me.

 

[SlaveNano]

I don't have much experience of looking round for pro-dommes as I am committed to one mistress. But such experience and knowledge as I have, I'm willing to share with you.

There are a number of good websites that kind help you. Most pro domme sites are give you a good feel for the kind of services offered and, more importantly, that domme's particular style. Try the following:
http://www.seriousmistresses.com
http://www.uk-mistresses.com
http://www.informedconsent.co.uk
http://www.dommes.co.uk
These all have listings of pro-dommes in UK and some have information and other resources as well as message boards where bdsm issues are discussed.

I think it is probably best to go with somebody you feel some connection with and have a good feeling about. BDSM covers a wide range of different activities. I think you need to decide on a select number of these you want to try first as there is only so much that can be put into a first session. Also be very clear about things you do not want to do. Set limits you are comfortable with, they can (and almost certainly will) be extended later on.

Expect to pay about £100-£150 for an hour session - the nearer to London you are the more expensive it is likely to be. You may need to extend your student loan!

Remember that pro-dommes are not prostitutes with a whip and a bit of rope. They are highly skilled, strong, perceptive, intelligent and creative women. They will understand the psychology of the domination/submissive relationship. A skilled pro-domme will also look to extend your limits without crossing any hard ones you have set.

My first experience was with a contact in the small ads of a local newspaper. By the way, I'm not recommending that! - I just got lucky with the woman I went to, who was a very able lifestyle domme who had just turned professional. I remember the experience very well. I had vivid fantasies and wanted to test the reality. My expectations were quite low - I was expecting to feel stupid and for the whole thing to be really naff but felt I had to try it. How wrong was I! With the right person, this is really powerful and intoxicating stuff. I was hooked and have never looked back.

Best of luck. You are about to embark on a wonderful journey!

 

[Netzach]

Thanks again for the advice.

I'm just curious, how did you find being pro? And why did you stop? Sorry if I'm prying, but it interests me.

I liked it a great deal for the most part.

I stopped because, being inclined that way on my own, sexually, I found I had a lousy business head when it came to the whole thing. Too easy to justify more gear more gear more gear, not a good way to make a living.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Adding to Netzach advices: look for escorts/sex workers/pro-dommes review boards online. You should find quite a bit of info there, from who are the good providers in your area, what are the typical rates in your area, to the etiquette of calling a sex worker and seeing a pro-domme, etc.

And as Netzach suggested, if you want any form of sex to be part of the experience, look for an escort that caters to BDSM rather than a pro-domme. But keep in mind that an escort will typically not have the equipement and facilities that a pro-domme would have access to.

 

[Netzach]

Hi stranger!

 

[DeservingBitch]

Hi stranger!

Hey there! How's life in the new country?

 

[unpredictablebijou]

I hope I'm not diverting this thread too much, but I've always been curious about the difference between a session with a very specific short time limit and an evening of play. How much harder is it to create a mood, to get through the play that is supposed to happen, when you're watching the clock like that? I've always had the luxury of both time and a person I wanted to play with, so it seems like it would be radically different when it's an interaction between two relative strangers and one might only have an hour to accomplish some sort of complete scene.

Perhaps this would be better asked in one of the pro-domme threads, but maybe it's not too much of a threadjack here.

It's mostly idle curiosity, but I imagine that there may be times when my time is rather limited with someone and I'm thinking a lot about that these days.

bj

 

[Netzach]

Hey there! How's life in the new country?

I'm optimistic. Until the CA initiative passed I was about ready to get an eagle sticker and buy a truck to put it on!

I remain optimistic, though.

 

[Netzach]

I hope I'm not diverting this thread too much, but I've always been curious about the difference between a session with a very specific short time limit and an evening of play. How much harder is it to create a mood, to get through the play that is supposed to happen, when you're watching the clock like that? I've always had the luxury of both time and a person I wanted to play with, so it seems like it would be radically different when it's an interaction between two relative strangers and one might only have an hour to accomplish some sort of complete scene.

Perhaps this would be better asked in one of the pro-domme threads, but maybe it's not too much of a threadjack here.

It's mostly idle curiosity, but I imagine that there may be times when my time is rather limited with someone and I'm thinking a lot about that these days.

bj

It's different. It's more focused, you go in with a plan, but the intensity is kind of neat.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

It's different. It's more focused, you go in with a plan, but the intensity is kind of neat.

makes sense.

Seems like one would have to have a very, very clear set of negotiations before hand, more detailed, since there's really no time to experiment. But then, if someone is to the point of wanting to pay money, he or she is probably pretty clear about what they're looking for.

I suspect one would not only have to be really skilled, but also truly pragmatic and flexible to be a professional. And even more about one's ability to read and predict people.

bj

 

[Netzach]

makes sense.

Seems like one would have to have a very, very clear set of negotiations before hand, more detailed, since there's really no time to experiment. But then, if someone is to the point of wanting to pay money, he or she is probably pretty clear about what they're looking for.

I suspect one would not only have to be really skilled, but also truly pragmatic and flexible to be a professional. And even more about one's ability to read and predict people.

bj

It's a different kind of play, and a neat head-game actually, to be flexible enough to play with different people you don't know especially well. I consider myself fortunate that I had a skillset developed and my own thrills to bring to the table, because it allowed me to think on my feet better.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

It's a different kind of play, and a neat head-game actually, to be flexible enough to play with different people you don't know especially well. I consider myself fortunate that I had a skillset developed and my own thrills to bring to the table, because it allowed me to think on my feet better.

I hope to get a chance to get some more experience at this, although being a pro isn't in my future anywhere. Certainly one would have to have a true love for the sport, as it were, to be able to turn pro and have fun with it.

I can definitely see what you're saying with the tendency to buy ever more equipment. I'm pretty sure that would be my downfall as well. *grin*

Maybe this thread will eventually generate some actual reports of what a session is/ can be/ was like for both parties. I'd love some specifics.

bj

 

[wouldloveto]

I have had sessions with a pro-domme.

I found them to be rewarding, in that I had immediate pain/pleasure, and that I learned a bit about the lifestyle that I am relatively new to.

I was struck by how nice and reassuring she was while we were in street clothes, and then how focused she was once I was naked before her and she had her way with me.

I had hoped to have her teach some more things to my gf and I lately, but have not been able to reach her.

My gf is very enthusiastic and willing, but could use more instruction in technique. However, the 'realness' of our encounters is definitely better in an emotional sense than the pro-domme.

D