Exhaustion

[Crystal]

Hello everyone.
I have just finished writing a story called Missing Julia. I wrote it practically non stop for the last two hours and I have submitted it without proofing it, editing it or even rereading it. I can hardly even remember what I wrote because it all seemed to come automatically. It could be awful and is certainly going to be riddled with typo errors but I would really appreciate some feedback as I get the feeling it is the best thing I ever wrote (could be embarrassing if it really sucks but hey!)
Hopefully Laurel will post it soon so please keep a look out.
Thanks a lot,
Crystal

 

[XXplorher]

Wow, that's quite a forward. It's safe to say I'll be watching for it. Your exuberance and 'getting lost in it' tells me enough to know I NEED to read it.

Congratulations, eh. It's fun being 'in the zone' isn't it ; )

 

[Crystal]

Looks like I asked for feedback a bit prematurely as its taken 2 weeks for it to get posted. But its there now. I've just read it for the first time since writing it and although I still think its ok, I must admit that it is a bit softcore which isn't necessarily a bad thing but might not be everyone's cup of tea. I hope that it is appreciated though and I really would appreciate some feedback on the style and content of this piece.

Love,
Crystal
xx

 

[Crystal]

P.S. I understand that you (XX) have stopped posting on the BB due to a silly skermish with helle. Does this mean that you don't read the BB anymore? If it damages your pride too much to post ever again then feel free to email (I promise I won't tell!)

 

[Michael]

Crystal, that was a lovely story, and I'm sure everyone will enjoy reading it. You're obviously very intelligent, from the way you express yourself in the story, and that, ironically, is one thing you'll want to watch. Julia is supposed to be someone who just wants a macho hunk, but she speaks with an expressiveness and reflectiveness that seem almost poetic. Those qualities would seem to belong more to the narrator, and the kind of tender, reflective men she likes.

Also, you may want to consider the proportion of narrative in which you "set the scene," compared to the portion where the "action" really takes place. In other words, a little more play, a little less description of how you anticipated it, what you were thinking of it, and so forth.

But these are not meant in any way to detract from your effort. It was very nice, and it would be nice to read about you and Julia rediscovering each other and having the memory of that long ago night suddenly rekindle another night of passion. Good luck!

 

[Crystal]

Thanks for the feedback Michael. I know what you mean about "not enough action". Its definetly quite softcore. I think I was trying to work on emotions and context. The cigarette smoking scene, for example, is supposed to be very sensual and almost erotic thus building things up. I take your point though. Maybe I should write a real orgyfest story to make up for it!

"Julia is supposed to be someone who just wants a macho hunk, but she speaks with an expressiveness and reflectiveness that seem almost poetic. Those qualities would seem to belong more to the narrator, and the kind of tender, reflective men she likes." - I'm not sure I understand what you mean about this. Julia never speaks in the story. The narration and the dialogue come from the first person who is indeed the tender one. You might want to clarify that.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope that others will too (and post their feedback here!)
Love,
Crystal
xx

[This message has been edited by crystal (edited 12-09-1999).]

 

[Michael]

You're more than welcome, Crystal, and yes, I did notice the buildup with the cigarette smoking and thought that was quite well done. I meant to mention that and forgot.

As to "softcore" vs. "hardcore," no, that wasn't really what I meant. Hardcore can be very nice, but you can have a very arousing story, as we all know, without your loving pair having to shove giant dildoes in every orifice or get the family dog in on the act. Just doing what they did, masturbating together, can be very erotic, I agree.

I simply meant that as I recalled, I might have wished to see a little more of the story devoted to the actual masturbation, their movements, their moans, their thoughts while it happened, etc.

In any case, as I said, I hope you'll write about a reunion for these two. I'm sure everyone will enjoy it. Keep up the good work.

 

[Michael]

Oops, forgot to respond to one of your points, Crystal!

You asked me why I said Julia spoke too poetically, when in fact she never spoke at all.

Good point. I read that part of your story more quickly than I needed to, and thought it was Julia talking. Sorry! Evelyn Wood speed reading may be good for some things; for other things, perhaps we should take our time!