exercise

[wildsweetone]

Within 500 words, describe a brand new character.

I'd like to know:

What does your character look like?

What is the happiest event that happened in their lives?

What is the saddest event that happened in their lives?

You may choose how you present the character to me.

Good luck and have fun.

 

[Chicklet]

Say Goodbye to Maria in 498 Words

Maria dunked herself under the bathwater, warming her blood, but failing to warm her inside. As her deep brown hair floated above her cherubic face on the surface, she closed her eyes and reflected on what she was about to do. The knife was right there. All it would take was two slashes to end her miserable existence.

When had her best time been? When was she the happiest? Second grade, Mrs. Edison’s class. Everyone in the class had applauded after she’d read her poem. Maria had never been so happy in her life.

But what about every moment since then? Every disappointment, every harsh word. Nothing had gone right since her eighth birthday. Each day everything got worse and worse until nothing she could do would bring her back up. Sitting up in the tub, she blinked water away from her large brown eyes, tears mingling with the drops of water.

“You’re a disappointment,” she heard in her head. “You were a mistake and I never should have kept you!”

Words that a child should never have to hear echoed in her mind, miserable days with her mother, frightening times when the woman would rant and rave. That was the unhappiest time, worse than any failed relationship, worse than any one-night stand. Her mother’s obvious hatred and loathing. The day that June when her mother had finally died, finally taken the last hit that would send her over the edge and into the next world, tearing the only familiar thing out of Maria’s life…that was the worst Maria had ever felt. There was no relief that the bearer of her abuse was gone, only sorrow that the only familiar thing in her sad existence had disappeared.

Maria slipped back under the water, her small frame fitting easily inside the confines of the tub. The white porcelain seemed like a coffin, closing in on her. Strange then, how safe she felt inside its walls. One olive-colored hand reached down between her legs, feeling the soft folds of flesh for the last time.

“When you go, go with a bang,” her mother had advised. Best to give herself one last bang before she went the last step.

Her fingers moved quickly, almost mechanically bringing herself to a climax. No heat, no passion, just routine as she stroked her clit quickly, her dark brown nipples atop tiny breasts crinkling and hardening, more from the cold than from any arousal Maria felt. Her body tensed with the orgasm, but found no relief in its release. With slippery hands, she reached for the knife.

Opening her brown eyes she looked at the sharp object from under the water. Her vision was blurred, but she could still see the knife glimmer in the dim light. She brought it down to her face, feeling the blunt edge with her red lips, kissing it like a lover. Taking it underneath the water, she closed her eyes again. No one would even notice she was gone.

 

[MathGirl]

Character, saddest, happiest

Dear WSO,
I always enjoy contributing to your little exercises.
MG

I'm a redneck trucker, an' I don't give a flip,
Gotta handlebar moustache to hide ma hare lip,
I love ta smoke an' spit, an' I always chew snuff,
I like a gut fulla whiskey anna mouf fulla muff.

Ma saddest day was when ma hound dog died,
I thowed the carcass in ma truck an' went fer a ride,
When Ah got back home I felt better, sho 'nuff,
I had a gut fulla whiskey anna mouf fulla muff.

Happiest day of ma life was when I wed Mary Lou,
Carried her inta ma trailer and yelled, "Wahoo,"
She sez, "I usually gits paid, an' I like it rough,
I'll giveya a gut fulla whiskey anna mouf fulla muff."

 

[MathGirl]

Doggerel

Nothing like some doggerel from MG to kill a thread.

Sorry, WSO.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Remus

Never again. Never again would he be so foolish as to trust anyone. Never again would he be so foolish as to do anything on a whim, without planning it thouroughly first, examining every little detail, and make back-up plans in case something would go wrong.

He had been foolish once, in his childhood, and look what it had cost him. He was branded for life. He could never be free from the curse that was weighing him down. He could never be spontaneous and careless again, like he had been as a child. He could never attach himself to another human being, never trust anyone enough to let them know his revolting secret. Never fall in love. Never find a mate. Never have children.

He had given in a little. He had told some people about it. And he had been lucky. Instead of them pushing him away, they had accepted him, invited him, and even gone far out of their way to adjust the world around them all so it would fit him. So it would be safe. He would be safe. They would be safe. But that was as far as he could go. He mustn't push his luck any further now.

THEY mustn't know. He had been foolish enough to let down his guard and let them drag him close to them. He should have stayed far away from them, concentrated on his studies, that he had been lucky enough to be allowed to get. He shouldn't risk everything by making friends. But he had allowed it to happen. He had made friends with them, and now they were the 3 most important people in his life. They made him laugh, made him have foolish, impossible dreams about being normal. They made him weak and vulnerable. They were so important to him, it would break his heart to lose them. They must never know his secret. He couldn't bare to see them turning away from him in disgust and fear. James, Sirius, Peter...

All the lies he had told them. Lies to protect his secret, to protect their friendship. They were no fools. They were on to him. They suspected that something was wrong, that he was lying to them. He knew it hurt them to know that he didn't trust them, but how could he do otherwise? The alternative was too horrible to even consider. How would he stand going back to being lonely after having been their friend for so long? How would he stand to look them in the eyes once they knew? How would they be able to accept his secret? How would ANYONE be able to accept that his best friend was... a werewolf?

 

[MathGirl]

"Remus"

Dear Svenska,

Very nice, dear.

Is today the big day with hubby?

MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

He couldn't come yesterday, nor today, but we're keeping our fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Third time's a charm, or whatever...





Now, Diane, thank you for your nice words about my Remus. Do you know who he is..?

 

[MathGirl]

B'rer rabbit

Now, Diane, thank you for your nice words about my Remus. Do you know who he is..?

a). "Uncle Remus" of the Joel Chandler Harris childrens' fables.
b). Remus who, along with his twin brother Romulus, was raised by wolves and is mythologically credited with founding Rome.

No, I've never heard of anyone named Remus.

MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: B'rer rabbit

a). "Uncle Remus" of the Joel Chandler Harris childrens' fables.
b). Remus who, along with his twin brother Romulus, was raised by wolves and is mythologically credited with founding Rome.

No, I've never heard of anyone named Remus.

MG

My dear MG, if you would be kind enough to put away those dusty books you call classic literature, and move on to what experts of the coming century will instead refer to as Classics, that is, Harry Potter, you will find professor Remus J. Lupin in book 3, Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban, where he is the teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Remus Lupin, known to his friends as "Moony" is also the one on the picture in my sig line, and if you click on that link, you'll find some nice slash stories about him.

I would recommend that you read the books first, though, or the sex stories won't make much sense.






Remus is one of my favourite characters, he's such a sweetie - I wish I could snuggle up with him and make him feel at rest for once.

 

[NoJo]

SF, I read the character description in yor sig line for Remus, and from this got a hint of the sort of guy you like.
Now I was wondering, how do you feel about hysterical, discomposed, shallow, active, blabbermouths who are uncaring, stupid and extrovert? Not that I have anyone in mind, of course.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

SF, I read the character description in yor sig line for Remus, and from this got a hint of the sort of guy you like.
Now I was wondering, how do you feel about hysterical, discomposed, shallow, active, blabbermouths who are uncaring, stupid and extrovert? Not that I have anyone in mind, of course.

Let me guess - you were Wormtail???

 

[NoJo]

Actually I was thinking of Johnny Knoxville.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: B'rer rabbit

My dear MG, if you would be kind enough to put away those dusty books you call classic literature, and move on to what experts of the coming century will instead refer to as Classics, that is, Harry Potter

Good grief, Svenska! I thought you were off somewhere getting laid.

MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

S.N.A.F.U. = Situation Normal, All Fucked Up

 

[wildsweetone]

Chicklet, did you find it difficult to show both the happiest and saddest moment in Maria's life within the 500 words? I really like what you've written. Oddly, I want to read more (I say 'oddly' because I don't normally read such stories, but this piece fills me with questions).

I'm left wondering if she really will go through with the suicide or if somebody will come into the bathroom and stop her. I get the feeling that Maria finds life 'hopeless' but your writing doesn't give me that lost, hopeless feeling... I mean, the writing is not dull or dead, it's alive and it has me waiting expectantly. Do you have plans to extend this piece or was it simply a one off for the exercise?

***
MathGirl, now dear, I feel relatively sure I've read about this character of yours elsewhere on the threads...? Sorry, but for this exercise it has to be a brand 'new' character never before thought about or seen. Though I have to say, 'poetry' is an interesting way of telling us what your character looks and acts like... you might like to try 'showing' us next time.

***
Svenskaflicka, I'm not sure what to say about your piece. I liked it, but I expected to see a more specific 'happy' event and 'sad' event... In the way you've written this, they're kind of running in and out of each other without actually being specific. I'm assuming the happy event is that your character has friends, and the sad event is that he may lose those friends. (Sorry, but I don't know this Remus character so I'm likely barking up the wrong tree with my thoughts). I have a feeling, that to anyone who actually knows Remus, they would understand far better than I do about his happy/sad events.

 

[MathGirl]

MathGirl, now dear, I feel relatively sure I've read about this character of yours elsewhere on the threads...? Sorry, but for this exercise it has to be a brand 'new' character never before thought about or seen. Though I have to say, 'poetry' is an interesting way of telling us what your character looks and acts like... you might like to try 'showing' us next time.

Dear WSO,

Different character same style. I'm afraid I've become a slave to my adopted literary art form.
MG

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

based *very loosely* on a true story

“Hey, listen, says here he earned four-hundred thousand in record sales alone last year!”

I didn't even look up from my screen. “Really?” I muttered, trying to accentuate the lack of interest in my tone. “I earned about fifteen-K after tax.” I doubt she was interested, but it felt like a way of shifting the conversation to something I was more comfortable with.

I risked a quick glance across the desk at Maria; she was turned away from me, face still buried in her magazine. Without my consent, my eyes fixed on the milky whiteness of her neck, forming intricate patterns underneath her brown hair. My heart began to rise as my eyes fell, following the curve of her back through her thin black top, down to her hips, over her thighs. I realised what I was doing and quickly looked back at my screen. I wondered what she would have thought if she had turned her proud face towards me at that very moment and seen the lust in my eyes.

“This is really interesting, you know, I never realised he rode horses.” The excitement was as evident in her voice as it was lacking in mine.

“No?” I mumbled again, shuffling the papers on the desk and trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing. To my horror she began quoting from the magazine:

“The saddest day of my life was when Mum passed away. We all knew it was coming, but somehow I don't think that made it any easier for us when it finally happened. I was still very young at the time and didn't understand any of it, before or after. I couldn't make sense of it, and that's when I really ploughed into my riding, buried myself in it really. A sort of escape from reality.

“The happiest day of my life was when I won the junior show-jumping event at the Rangeford Nationals in 1989. It was my first national show and I was terrified that I'd hurt myself, but my Dad really helped me overcome it, and it brought us closer together after everything that had happened that year. The sense of elation when I won was like nothing else. Better even than our first live concert, but that's another story entirely.” Still with no interest I began listening to her; she certainly was good at reading out loud. “He sounds so down to earth, don't you think?”

“Mmm-hmm…” Then I realised I had forgotten who she was talking about, again. “Who is he, anyway?” I asked, glancing across at her again.

“Chavez. Elemental. You know, Master of the Elements, Look What You’ve Done?” She replied, turning to look back at me with disbelief in her face. I held her gaze, narrowing my eyes to stare back, daring her to continue. She lifted the page so that I could see a picture of her dream rocker, looking glorious in bare-chested beauty. Yeah, right.

Without the make-up he would probably look like me. Short, thin, toned. Brown hair, intense eyes. Clean bronzed skin, although I still believe that was magazine make-up and lighting rather than natural skin colour. Maria seemed to notice my distinct lack of interest, perhaps in the blank look on my face.

“So what was the saddest day of your life?” She asked. I felt somewhat relieved that she was talking to me, but still a little uncomfortable about the subject. Dare I tell her? No, we'd just got this sorted.

“I don't know. My life changes so quick I can't ever pick out one defining moment, I suppose. I don’t tend to suffer from grief.” Damn, now I sound like I don’t care about people. Partly true, I guess, but I didn’t want her to think I was uncaring. And I’ve already told her about the past few years, so maybe she’ll understand why anyway. Hopefully. “You?”

“Probably when Mike told me that it was definitely over.” I noticed her gaze fall to the floor. Mike again; and that was, like, over a year ago? “What about your happiest day?”

“Dunno. Hasn’t happened yet.” I said. That was one thing I really liked about Maria: I could throw stuff like that at her and she’d just lap it up. Anybody else would look at me like I’ve just said something rude, or like I’m some stupid kid who didn’t understand the question. Maria would like it though, she’d think about it for ages, trying to understand what it meant. That would be a tough one, not even I knew that.

Of course, I wanted to tell her that my happiest day had been when I’d asked her out, and without hesitation she’d said yes. And that the saddest day had been three days later, after she hadn’t called. That was one of the longest too, sat on a beach in the windy sunlight with a dozen other Mini club members, eating barbecued sausages and staring at my phone while the others talked Mini or polished their paintwork. Just watching the clock, wondering when it would be polite to slip home to be alone.

“Mine was probably…” I still have no idea what she said, too busy trying to hold back a sudden wave of frustration, anger and regret. I looked back at my screen, suddenly pleased that the computer had finally finished it’s task. I quickly closed it down and packed it back into its carry case, eager to get away before I dragged up the forbidden topic again. “Oh, you’re leaving already?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to go now, got a lot more networks to check today. I’ll probably be back next week sometime.” I said, standing up and checking I’d left nothing behind.

“Well, take care, babe.”

“Yeah, you too.” I quietly slipped out of the room, nodding to a few others as I swiftly made my way to the exit, aware that by choosing to conduct my tests from Maria’s office I’d broken my promise to myself.

---------
OK so it's 1000 words, not 500. But I think I deserve bonus points for completing the excercise 3 times over.

ax

 

[wildsweetone]

Bonus points? You want bonus points? Are you insane? And for this piece of work? Good grief!

You sit there, you write 1000 words of a story loosely based on truth, you make it an interesting read, you describe both characters, you come up with a happiest and saddest moment that are related, you leave us with unanswered questions and the hint to much more and you want bonus points?

Okay.
100 points for completing the exercise. 50 points taken off due to doubling the word count. 50 points added for completing said task three times.


I only have one thing that struck me as odd in your piece. When Maria is quoting out loud from the magazine I would have put quote marks as well as speech marks. i.e.:

To my horror she began quoting from the magazine:

" 'The saddest day of my life was when Mum passed away...' "

I don't know if that's how they're meant to be, but I think I'm right.

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

roflmao !!!

I was editing off-line in notepad and the quotes etc didn't look right. I was gonna add the extra quotes and formatting when I posted, but I forgot.

I doubt I'll be working any more on that story tho. But I would have been really pleased if I could have done it in 500 words.

ax

 

[wildsweetone]

Okay let's see if I can help without actually doing it for you - bear in mind though, some stories actually can't be told well enough within a specific word count and I think to change what you've written would be to change the actual story itself.

What you've done is told me way more than was strictly necessary to pass the exercise. I didn't need to know the description of both characters, only one. I also didn't need to know the happiest and saddest moments of all three characters, only one.

Try imagining what it would be like if the magazine was not in the room with them. How would the conversation go? Would there be more eye contact? Would Maria see his face more clearly? Could they see each others thoughts flitting across facial features? Would he rest his chin on his palm with his fingers covering his mouth in order to hide his emotions from her?

I do like the way you've chose to answer the exercise. It's a more full 'story' than it would otherwise have been, in my opinion.

 

[peterpan]

The problem with this thread idea is the temptation to prostitute your own life's best and worst moment. Reading atleast one of these tales I really got the impression that here is someone seeking a judgment on their own life by random literotican strangers. To that person I say: No need to hid your true self, to make tragedies entertainment. Everyone's life is what it is. So perhaps you didn't come from the highest class environment, have the best oportunities, maybe your dad married your sister and you listen to Olivia Newton John. And so what if you are a trucker. You know who you are. We're on to you, Mathgirl.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

HP-spoiler!

Svenskaflicka, I'm not sure what to say about your piece. I liked it, but I expected to see a more specific 'happy' event and 'sad' event... In the way you've written this, they're kind of running in and out of each other without actually being specific. I'm assuming the happy event is that your character has friends, and the sad event is that he may lose those friends. (Sorry, but I don't know this Remus character so I'm likely barking up the wrong tree with my thoughts). I have a feeling, that to anyone who actually knows Remus, they would understand far better than I do about his happy/sad events.

True, I blended the events here and there - I was sort of trying to show his thoughts and feelings, and as we all know, such things are never much in order. They mix and jump and... you know.

And yes, those who are HP-fans, and know Remus "Moony" Lupin, would know in a heartbeat what every little detail refers to.

Remus was bitten by a werewolf in his childhood, because he was young and foolish. He was accepted into Hogwarts nonetheless, thanks to the kind Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore. They made a lot of arrangements to hide the fact that he was a werewolf, or people would demand that he was expelled, 'cause everyone fears werewolves.

Remus makes 3 friends at Hogwarts, James Potter (Harry Potter's father), Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. This all takes place years before the first Harry Potter book. Remus is very much afraid that his friends will find out about him being a werewolf, because he's sure that they will not want to be friends with him anymore then. As the story goes, they DO find out, but they don't abandon him.

I was trying to do a little bit about how Remus would feel right before them finding out.

I suppose that for this story to be better, I should think of non-HP-readers, and make it a bit more... clear. As it is now, it IS rather bleak.

I just find it so hard to believe that there are people out there who don't know Harry Potter by heart..!

 

[MathGirl]

Re: HP-spoiler!

I just find it so hard to believe that there are people out there who don't know Harry Potter by heart..!

Dear Svenska,

You certainly make it difficult for those of us who prefer to avoid Harry Potter at all costs.

MG

Ps. Rowwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Hiss hisss

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Looking for a catfight, MG?

 

[MathGirl]

Pussy tussle

Looking for a catfight, MG?

Not right now, Svenska. You're in a weakened condition. Maybe in a couple of weeks when you're able to walk again.
MG