Excited/Nervous about first submission. Feedback appreciated

[DeathAndTaxes]

My first story just went up on the site today. I was fun to write and I hope a decent start. It's yet another retelling of the Hades/Persephone abduction myth. There are to be 3 chapters submitted separately, but the story is completely written already.

Here's the link:

The Eighth House

It's in BDSM, but this first chapter is pretty light on action. Ch. 2 will be where the fun stuff really starts, but this chapter is meant to build tension.

The title may seem kind of weird, but its relevance comes out in a later chapter.

Any feedback is welcome.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Throw the thesaurus away.

 

[PennLady]

I read some, and I do think you over-describe things. I know you want to set a scene, to let the reader know what it looks like and what's going on, but sometimes less is more. The details got tedious for me.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I enjoyed it a lot and think your writing is very good. Am looking forward to the next chapters, especially how Persephone controls Winter and Summer.

We didn't all emerge from the thigh of Zeus and I think you got too far with the mythology. I guess I feel you took mythology too far to attract passing readers whereas the story is great.

 

[DeathAndTaxes]

I read some, and I do think you over-describe things. I know you want to set a scene, to let the reader know what it looks like and what's going on, but sometimes less is more. The details got tedious for me.

Thank you. This is good to know and I will bear this in mind as I work on my next story. Thanks for taking a look.