Evolving sexuality

[Kitte]

I was going to post this over in BDSM, then I thought this encompasses so much more then BDSM, so here goes. Lets see if I can make a coherant thought.

I belive a good portion of your sexual identity is defined in childhood. I belive your sexual orientation is for the most part biological. I understand particular kinks, fetishes etc. my be discovered or acted upon later in life but in essence they are almost predisposed.

I have had a very strong sexual identity for all of my adult life. I have as long as I can remember been a Bi/sub/masochist.

Now let me clarify. I have been bi as long as I can remember. For as long as I was able to comprehend my sexuality I had no preferance for gender. It was simply a matter of who I liked. Be it male or female. I have been sub or had sub and masochistic thoughts again for as long as I could remember. I have found submissiveness and pain to be an intregal part of my sexuality.

Ok not unusual at all. Here is the odd part. After the ending of my last relationship I spoke at length with a friend about where I saw myself in the future. And for the first time in my life, I was able to clearly have a gender preferance. Not something I gave great thought to but it was there. I can still appreciate the female form. I can look and see beauty, and sensuality, but the sexual feelings that I have always known just dont seem to be there.

At the same time, I have found that my need/desire to be completely submissive has also evolved. I still derive pleasure from being sub, but also find great pleasure in domination. I have become a switch. This I know is not wholly unusual in and of itself.
But the other thing I have found is that my masochistic tendancies have subsided. I still enjoy rough play, biting spanking etc. But the need for intense pain is almost non existant. The need to push limits, to be...better. also not so prevelent in my sexuality.

I am recently 30...and undegoing many life changes and the only thing I can see is that for whatever reason be it cathartic life changes, self realiziation my sexuality is evolving.

Has anyone else experienced this?
Am I more of a freak then I thought? *g*

I guess this is just something I have given alot of thought to and would like the opinions of others.

So here is a whole bunch of TMI about me...what da ya think?

 

[bknight2602]

Kitte I have never had such a revelation, but if makes you happy in your sexual life then by all means go forward!

The only question I have is why you "require" yourself to be submissive? It seems more to the point if you both share a loving and sensual relationship, without taking a dom/sub role?

But that is just me.

 

[lost]

I have definitely grown sexually over the last five years or so. I think I have a few years left. I just consider myself a late bloomer. Maybe there is more to it.

 

[red_rose]

Kitte - I understand completely. I was never quite "bisexual"... but I did require some kind of domination/pain during sex for it to be satisfying for me.

That changed for me very recently. I don't want to start babbling here, but I do understand where you're coming from.

 

[penguindance]

 

[Kitte]

Kitte I have never had such a revelation, but if makes you happy in your sexual life then by all means go forward!

The only question I have is why you "require" yourself to be submissive? It seems more to the point if you both share a loving and sensual relationship, without taking a dom/sub role?

But that is just me.

It was never that I "required" myself to be submissive, It was just...who I was, I enjoyed it...it was where I got the most pleasure from.

 

[bknight2602]

It was never that I "required" myself to be submissive, It was just...who I was, I enjoyed it...it was where I got the most pleasure from.

Yes I understood that, but did/have you tried other types to really get a perspective? I'm not trying to pick o you, just curious as to why that gives the most pleasure.

 

[Kitte]

Yes I understood that, but did/have you tried other types to really get a perspective? I'm not trying to pick o you, just curious as to why that gives the most pleasure.

Yes, I have been in completely non BDSM relationships. I have gotten perspective ( I thought) It is not that I no longer want or enjoy being submissive, I certainly still do. But I now find that I am also more dominant at times. More so then I ever imagined or thought of. Which was actually a suprise to me. And I suppose it was more the fact of all the changes at the same time..ya know?