Everybody haiku! A challenge.

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

I propose some impromptu haiku. Try it, you'll love it. It's a noble Japanese art form.

Our subject is auto-erotic asphixiation.

Time to hang myself!
I will masturbate and hope
that I don't expire

 

[Guest]

Only for you, bella. I had one, hit the wrong key and it disappeared. Here I go again (and again and...) - Trova

Auto-erotic Accident (yeah I know there aren't supposed to be titles but I'm a rank amateur, very rank.)


Stiff cock nibbles at her puss
Purple helmet, purple face
Oops, lost track of her thumbs

 

[sailorm72003]

not sure if this is even a haiku:


The rope swings gently
As the pressure increases
I climax wildly

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Ladies' underwear,
Orange masks amyl nitrite,
By-election time.

 

[DurtGurl]

A graceful bird soars
the delight of all who see
poo lands in my hair

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

Wow, Trova. I think you're a natural. That was both lyrical and vaguely unsettling. Are titles verboten??? You may know more about haiku than I...

Durtgirl- what can I say? You're poetry in motion lotion. Your piece reminded me of a sonnet from my youth:

"Dirty doggy, straining hard
left a present in my yard
there it was, alack, alas
like a pretzel on the grass

A little boy went running past
My oh my, was he running fast.
He hit a curb and caught some air
Now there's puppy pudding in his hair."


How does one submit to the Durtgirl group, anyway? I have a lovely treatise on how to write a really good dirty story, called "How to write a rilly good dirtey storie"...

mlle

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

Sailor-

yes, that was haiku! Beautifully done. The only problem is, your haiku actually came off as sort of poetic.

Rainbow-

I love anyone who can work a reference to "poppers" into a haiku. Thank god for this noble-tapestry-enriched-non-rhyming art form....because "amyl nitrate" is a bitch to rhyme....

 

[Quasimodem]

Swaying spider swings
to its masturbatory
near-death conclusion.


I never realized before how spiders managed to stick to their webs.

 

[DurtGurl]

How does one submit to the Durtgirl group, anyway? I have a lovely treatise on how to write a really good dirty story, called "How to write a rilly good dirtey storie"...

Dear Ms Blu,
If you'de like to submit a storey to the DGG, send it to my secretary. MathGirl183@yahoo.com. The group will bicker and pick at your storey until it's bare boans are bleaching in the son. Then it will be poasted. All you get is a "thankie" at the end. Such a deal!
DG
Ps. The stuff in poppers is amyl nitrITE. I think you will find that much easier to rhyme. No, no, don't fall all over yourself thanking me. Knowing I've been of invalualbbele help is payment enough.
Pps. You're sonnet brought tears to my eyes.
Ppps. The day dawns still, hot
the garderobe is fetid
flies are busy now

 

[Rainbow Skin]

It was a bitch to get the syllables right, believe me. By the way, mine is factual. Look up Stephen Milligan. A Conservative MP who was found in nothing but women's knickers, asphyxiated, with slices of orange in his mouth. Last days of the doomed Major government, people were sort of used to this bizarre behaviour by then.

Not sure whether it should be nitrate or nitrite.

 

[MathGirl]

DG

Darn, guess I just missed Durt Gurl.

I snap a popper
a crowded elevator
all faces are red

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'll see your haiku:

Corpses rottening
underneath my kitchen sink.
Take out the garbage!

and raise you a tanka:

Tub of cold water
electric fan at high speed
ice cold diet Coke
and me without my clothes on.
Surviving hot summer days.

 

[MathGirl]

White flag

Dear Svenska,
Okay, okay. I surrender. I know when I'm beat.
MG
Ps. Don't you just love being called a "twat?"
Pps. I know people do it, but the thought of asphyxiation/orgasm gives me the creeps.
Ppps. "rottening?"

 

[Svenskaflicka]

What's a twat?

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

It's an affectionate term. In Finnish it woud be "vittu"

A lovely term of endearment.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

How weird is it that I don't know the word "twat", but I DO know the word "vittu"???

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

Not weird at all If you've ever met a Finn, "vittu" is like every other word out of their mouth. Twat, meanwhile, is sort of elusive, favored mostly by the English, and often applied to men [like "you pussy!"]

 

[Guest]

Re: White flag

Ps. Don't you just love being called a "twat?"

C'mon, Maths, grow up just a little.

Fellow twat, and proud of it,

Perdita

 

[cahab]

What's a twat?

A ladies front-bottom, as my mother used to say. And very probably still does, though no longer, thankfully, to me.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Actually, Mlle, the reason I know the word "vittu", is because of the Swedish stand-up comedian Ronny Eriksson, who mentioned in a monologue that he had discovered that many Finnish words were very like Swedish words, except they didn't like to start with two consonants. So, when he was on a tour in Finland, he wanted the taxi driver to give hima receipt, or "kvitto", as we say in Sweden. So he turned to the taxi driver, looked him straight in the eye, and said: "Vittu!"

He's all healed by now, though.

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Oh god, I hate that acronym, but seriously, I'm laughing out loud.

I think I saw that guy on TV once- something about Ykse, Kakse, Strukse...

 

[lovinanalandy]

But back to the topic at hand, so to speak...

This treads that rhyming line, but I can't help myself.

Tangled sheets dangle
Come hard or strangle or both?
Will mom find me dead?

P.S. MG, little deaths are great. But risking real death for asphyxiation/orgasm? No thanks. Never understood it.

 

[MlledeLaPlumeBleu]

"will mom find me dead?"

*laugh* Oh, shit. That was funny.

"A Ladies' Front Bottom" sounds oddly like a fashionable periodical...

HAIKU BLITZKRIEG!!!

choking and stroking
I strangle both heads at once!
Passed out! Was it good?

 

[Guest]

Ach, achhk, ummm, oh oh oh . . .
(Hold my breath, look like I've cum
Is he done, is he done?)

 

[MathGirl]

I'm constipated
I cannot be regular
my bottom is sore