Every raise your hand that hates lawyers...

[FlamingoBlue]

A recent observation by Ms. Lovely Latina seemed to indicate a dislike for attorneys. How do you feel about lawyers? Got a good lawyer joke or a good story to share with us?

As for me, I can't stand most of them. I find that they are way too arguementative, too egotistical and that they only talk about work. But that's what it takes to be a good trial lawyer.

So, what do they call a 747 that crashes killing all 350 lawyers on board? A good start!

(I'm in such a good mood today. I decided not to go into work).

blue

 

[Bobtoad777]

I refuse to comment on Lawyers cause one day I may need them, plus the fact I believe we have several Lawyers as members on this board.

 

[Naked Hunny]

Personally I love my lawyer why because he never billed me!! Ahh i love my mommys connections sometimes!

 

[Expertise]

Shakespear was close....

There are those who think Willy S. had it right re. Kill all the Lawyers.

I am not one of them. My view is kill all the overly litigouse clients of lawyers.

 

[CreamyLady]

I worked as a legal secretary/legal assistant for 15 years; 15 of the longest years of my life. I got stuck in civil litigation and environmental litigation.

I met very nice lawyers, and the kind you only let off the leash at the door of the courthouse, with the words, "sic 'em!"

I don't hate the profession, itself. I don't even hate people, really, though I can certainly say that I heartily dislike several.

The woman who represented me during my divorce was a good friend, and I'm very grateful to her.

So -- while I've heard as many lawyer jokes as you have, I won't repeat them. In the end, it isn't the profession. It's the practitioner.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

You are so very sweet and open minded, CL. I could never work for a lawyer.

blue

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Lwyers -

Lawyers, like a few other occupations (to differing degrees) fall into the, "I hate them guys/girls cause those greedy fucks make all the money (taking mine) and they've got too much power so they ought to be regulated or kilt," types of occupations.

Jealousy. Jealousy of power and money and prestige.

Doctors, Insurance Agents (but mostly the companies they work for), Journalists and Politicians - are the most obvious others.

But Cops and Entertainers receive their share of public consternation too.

Professional punching bags. And it's stupid for people to do that crap in such a general way.

Why not (and more importantly) CEO's of fortune 500 companies. That's the type I worry about and want to get at - the closeted ones - the ones you don't know their names. Why not question the big cigarette execs (well it looks like they're finally getting their fair share - but can you name one?) And what's the name of the Firestone guy in Japan? What's the head guy's name here in the states? And hell, I can't even remember the Ford dudes name.

And after all is said - why not go after the profession of Catholic Priest? Those perverted mother fuckers (oh sorry child molesters) - they're so protected. Even the press is afraid to print stuff on'em.

And what's really ironic about this whole tirade is that Lawyers are the people who eventually "get" and hopefully correct - all the above bad folks.

Being a lawyer - it's just another profession, with some bad, but most good. Terrible work hours and stress. And the torture of schooling. Would never want to be one but for the most part I appreciate them. They do need to be regulated though - unregulated they would control too much.

Living in the two cities I live in - DC and NYC - I have, let me see - 10 or so lawyer friends. I even play in a small 4 piece band and I'm the only non-lawyer. Just normal folks in a bit of a canted profession.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

A canted profession, huh?

I have never heard a lawyer say can't when $$$$ is involved. (I know, I know. You were referring to the fact that lawyers are insincere and pious, but I thought I would be a punster, Sparkster).

blue

[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 09-18-2000 at 09:45 AM]

 

[CreamyLady]

Thank you, Flamingo Blue, but I don't work for them anymore.

The ones I disliked heartily were a real pair -- one would shout orders to me as he ran down the hall; the other would throw the contents of his desktop on the floor, and tell me to find what he needed.

Really. No one should work for lawyers.

 

[Thumper]

One fish two fish red fish....SUE fish!

Know the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

I agree with CL...it is the practitioner/person as it is in all walks of life. That said it is being reported that there will soon be a surplus of lawyers if current trends hold true. Can we say feeding frenzy? I think it will make a school(?) of tiger sharks attacking a sick whale look orderly.

OK now the answer....

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder........

.......the other is a fish.

 

[R Nitelight]

Difference between a run-over snake & a run-over lawyer?
Skid marks in front of the snake.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Help, anyone....

I have tried to edit my title to this post, but can't. It should read "Everyone", not "every".


blue

[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 09-18-2000 at 10:02 AM]

 

[Thumper]

Be it known....

LMFAO @ Nitelight.....

Blue...I think you have to draw up papers, file a motion, get a writ and also obtain signatures on a petition and maybe get an order to compel the de facto operators of this website to change the heading withina reasonable time or show valid reason for failing to do so.

How's that?

 

[teresafannin]

I have had very little experience with lawyers, but the one lawyer I know personally is great. He helped me so much when I was a broke, single mother & never billed me. He helped me to protect myself from a stalker, years before there were any anti-stalking laws. My best friend used to be a legal assistant, she loved everything but family law & quit when it got too emotional. There are good & bad people in all professions, you just have to try to find the good ones.

 

[Strange Girl]

You know what you have when there's 500 attorney buried to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.

 

[Guest]

Who called....

For this here truckload a sand? C'mon c'mon I ain't got all day I have to go scrape some dead snakes and lawyers offa Rt.69 and then me'n da boys are goin catfish and shark fishin' so where do I dump this sand?

Oh well if I dump it in the wrong spot...then tough...sue me!
MUAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

[KillerMuffin]

What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

If the lawyer is Blue... me!!!

 

[Strange Girl]

The devil came to a lawyer in his easy chair and said, "I am the devil, and maybe I can make deal with you."

"Hmm, I'm listening," says the lawyer sitting forward.

"How would you like to win every case you try, have all the money you want, and have beautiful, naked women at your feet constantly?"

"Hmm, I'm listening," says the lawyer.

"I want your soul, I want your mother's soul, I want your wife's soul, I want your sister's soul, I want your brother's soul, I want your neighbor's soul, I want your banker's soul, I want your dog's soul, I want the soul's of everyone you know."

"So what's the catch?"

 

[minx]

Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?

New Jersey got first choice.
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A lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?
*********************************************************

What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

A round of skeet.
*********************************************************

What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

Senator.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.

 

[FlamingoBlue]

More, Minx,

More. I love 'um.

blue

[Edited by FlamingoBlue on 09-18-2000 at 12:27 PM]

 

[SimplySouthern]

A cruise ship runs aground about 500 feet from an island. Everyone on the ship is either killed or seriously injured except a minister, a doctor and a lawyer. Between the 3 of them they decide that one of them must swim to shore for help. To their dismay, they see that the waters they are stranded in are seriously shark infested.

The doctor says, I cant go...I have to stay and attend to the wounded. The minister says he must stay and give last rites to the dying, so the lawyer goes. They watch as he jumps overboard. Miraculously, they watch as the sharks in the water part into two lines and allow the lawyer to swim between them safely to shore.

The minister looks over at the doctor and says "What do you make of that?" The doctor replies "Professional courtesy."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Who invented copper wire?
Two attorneys fighting over a penny

 

[Siren]

Um.....no comment...

 

[Isabella Thorne]

I do declare .... It's Miss Scarlett!!!! <big hugs darling> ... I miss you so!

 

[SimplySouthern]

Tis me indeed.

*huggles and snuggles*

Now isn't that just the cutest thing I have ever said?

 

[FlamingoBlue]

It doesn't get better than this....

Three of my favorite ladies, all in a row. Wow.

blue